Very Random BS
I've been playing myself. I'm pretending like the things going down around me are just "whatever". I simply dont have enough energy to complain, argue, bicker, or what have you, about things I have no power over. I'm trying to stay neutral, as I can. My journal, from the beginning of its time has been vague..hmm..well maybe not vague but it contains a whole lot of gaps. Most of ya'll probably think I'm some chick who is obsessed with her ass and is a sex fiend. I feel obilgated to myself to fill in those gaps. But as soon as I have this urgent rage to write about something that should be more important, I pussy out and write in circles. Does that make sense? Anyway I'm about to speed ya'll up to what is going on in my little life. This is about to be very random. For I have told ya'll before, I am no writer.
My sister. My lovely sister has left the overwhelmingly hot state of California, back to Atlanta. She will be starting her first year in high school soon. I miss the shit out of her. Her photogenic face, her annoying questions, her over dramatic ways, her dancing, her singing, her maturity. I miss her glow. To me she is the truth.
Because of her I'm officially in debt. I believe I've spent $500 + on her. She is worth so much more, but I did the best I could do, since my parents are no where to be seen when it came to getting my sister ready for school. Her clothing style, like I said before not my taste. I'm not really an Ecko Red or Baby Phat chick. Maybe because I never had Ecko Red or Baby Phat money, and now I'm content with that? NO. The urban clothing for girls/women don't do anything for me. A shirt which should cost no more than 10$ with Baby Phat written in cursive across the chest does not make my panties wet.
Anyway, to see her face light up when I told her she could damn near max out my little 700$ credit limit, credit card, made me smile. I know that sounds very irresponsible of me, but I can do without to pay some bills. I do now. Maybe one day I'll spend $500 + on myself. Five hundred dollars for clothes, seems very unecessary, but fun. I hope my sister enjoys herself in high school. Her talent will not go to waste...read you me. I'll be able to guide her to the best of my ability. Try to not let her make the same little mistakes I made, although giving her space so she can learn herself. I see her name in lights. And I'll be right next to her when that happens.
Okay as ya'll know I'm about to be an aunt soon. You would think the excitement would be killing me. You would think that I would be overjoyed to hear a little girl named Kiana call me Auntie Dee. But no. I'm kind of devastated. And its not because of the miracle of a baby bringing brought into this world, but its the baby's parents. Oh lord. I'm living out of a bad movie. You know those ghetto black movies they feed us because they think that is a pure representation of what happenes in "black folks" lives. My brother it seems, is trying HIS BEST to live out all the black man's stereotypes. I had a conversation with him last night about his plans. His words "yeah I'm just going to milk dad all I can." See at first my brother was going to move out. He found him a 2 bedroom apartment for 690$ a month, which is like God sent when it comes to California, and it is in a good city. "Nah I dont want to do it to myself." In my head I'm thinking "you already did dumbass". But I just sit, listen, and observe. He finishes talking for a bit. I ask "So where is the baby going to sleep?", "in the living room.", he tells me. I want to say "why not the damn kitchen it's at least cooler?". My head is spinning ya'll. I DON'T want to hear a crying baby. I DONT want to share a room with an obsessive girlfriend. I DON'T want to help out. I can hear it now "DeAnna can you babysit Kiana?" or "DeAnna can I borrow x amount of money, the baby needs diapers." We don't have food in this house. I have recently lost 7 pounds because of my bad eating habits. When do you think people loose that sense of reality? I wonder. We are just going to be one big ghetto family. We should be a t.v. drama. Yeah I'll play that chick who is loosing her damn mind. And to top it off he says "yeah Heather is coming back soon, I need to do my dirt now". That was the icing on the cake. I think I'm through with that story.
My dad doesnt know how to be one..
I've been trying my best, my hardestetete to stay creative. I recently bought some vintage porn magazines. Most straight out of the mid 70's.
I got about 6 magazines for 12 dollars at the local porn shop. *Clears throat* Just because I bought some porn magazines doesnt make me a freak. Not that we got that out of the way. I plan to maybe do some mixed media with them. It has been becoming a slow process. Although a process indeed. I'm growing tired of the style I'm doing now. Especially since everyone is on the "abstract tip"..which is lovely, but I want to begin taking a different route. I have a new layout,nothing major at all, it's called "Windex Wonders"...lol.. I just made that up. I picked Windex because at work that's what we basically use to clean almost everything. So the blue liquid stuff, has been on my mind lately. I also did a Coment one a time ago.
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Oh my DSL connection sucks..so if you try to talk to me on AIM or whatver expect me to disappear quite often
Oh and don't feel obligated to comment. I know I dont have to tell most of ya'll that, but if you can't relate to what I'm talking about..then yeah..it goes the same for me..