Arms Race 1
Title: Arms Race
Fandom: Kyou Kara Maou
Summary: At the dawn of a new war, Dai Shimaron uses a terrifying super-weapon on Conrad. How will Shin Makoku cope with having its best soldier incapacitated? And why can't Yuuri can't stop thinking about Gwendal's ass?
I: IN ARM'S WAY
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's their new super-weapon?"
"A gene mutation cannon," Josak said with a shrug.
Yuuri gaped at him, utterly confused. How had Dai Shimaron managed to create something as scientifically advanced as that? All the rusty logic circuits in his brain were screaming that the atomic bomb came before things like gene mutation cannons. More importantly, how did the people in this world know about genetics when indoor plumbing was still considered a luxury? Things like gene mutation cannons happened in sci-fi, and the genre of Yuuri's life was definitely fantasy. Or at least he thought so, anyway, given that he hadn't seen any crop circles or cattle mutilations yet. (Anal probing was an entirely different matter, and one that still made him slightly uncomfortable being in Gwendal's presence after the horrific scene he'd walked into that fateful day in Anissina's lab… Speaking of which, Gwendal was glaring over at him right now.)
Huh. Maybe he was just hearing things wrong. Morgif hadn't turned out to be Mel Gibson, after all, even if they were similar in some ways, like both being horrible womanizers way past their prime. Sometimes Yuuri imagined that if Morgif could speak in anything other than groans, he would have a Scottish accent. But that was another subject entirely.
"So, um, what will the cannon do?"
Josak stroked his chin as he tried to explain. "I'm not much of a scientist, but from what I got out of the blueprints and conversations with the researchers, a group of mages has to charge up the houseki in the power source, and then it's supposed to shoot a highly concentrated beam of ionized molecules at the target. Gamma rays, I think. Yeah, so the gamma ray radiation passes through the body's cells and mutates it. Now, normally this would just damage the DNA in your cells and increase your risk of getting cancer, but since the radiation is being guided by houjutsu, the mages control what kinds of mutations they're gonna give you. They could use it to create genetically enhanced soldiers to bolster their own ranks, or they could just wheel that baby out and zap us directly; turn us all into piles of irradiated demon-goo. They're beginning tests on both options right as we speak."
A cancer beam!
Yuuri's mouth flapped open and closed for a few seconds as he tried to find something intelligent to say. It was hard, though, because all he could think was, "You're a liar, Josak Gurrier! You totally understand this science stuff, and you've secretly been in cahoots with Anissina all this time!" But Yuuri couldn't very well say that, because if he thought about Anissina, then he would think about Gwendal, and if he thought about Josak and Gwendal, all he could think about was how Josak, having the proper equipment, didn't need any inventions to get down and dirty for some anal probing.
Yuuri resolved to get himself checked for mental health issues once he got back to Earth, like maybe PTSD or schizophrenia, but in the meantime, he really had nothing to say.
Luckily, Gwendal was there to save him in a way that the grumpy general wasn't able to save his own tush. Gwendal frowned, as always, and did that little growly thing he did when he was uber-pissed. "Damn it!" he hissed, slamming his palms on the desk. "We were too careless to have allowed this to happen!"
"It's not like we knew this was going to happen… Eh… Waitaminute. Did you actually understand all that science-y stuff with the radiation gamma ion something? You guys… actually know what DNA is?"
Gwendal glowered darkly, which was good because this was his normal look. At least he wasn't doing something completely out of character, like giggling, which he only did when he was high off noxious fumes or had various wires and metal tubes inserted in his… No, no. Never mind.
"Of course," Gwendal said, shaking Yuuri out of his barf-inducing reverie. "I suppose I shouldn't be surprised at your confusion, regardless of the fact that it was you who introduced such knowledge into our world."
"What? How is this my fault?"
"Oh, boy…" Josak sighed and scratched the back of his head, then said with a lop-sided grin, "It was all in that book you lost while on your latest camping trip near the border, Your Majesty. Someone must have picked it up and sold it to the enemy, because they had cryptographers decode your language and then… Well, that was the start of this mess."
"You should never have brought such dangerous materials out on a pleasure trip!" Gwendal said.
"I had to study for my biology exam!"
Really, how the hell was he supposed to have known that a high school biology textbook could lead to a cancer beam? It wasn't right. It wasn't right at all. Yuuri mentally cursed at his bad luck. In exchange for that 90%, he had started a war. And on top of that, he'd also had to pay a fee for losing the damn book!
"Aw, crap…" Yuuri resisted the urge to slam his head into the wall, deciding instead to focus on the situation at hand. "Anyway, we should probably figure out what to do with this. Do you know where the testing is going on, Josak?"
"I believe some tests were conducted on prisoners, but I also heard that they were going to start on some border towns in Shin Makoku. That's why I rushed back, actually. I had to make up some excuse about going back to Cavalcade to help my aunt take care of her cats while she went out with her new boyfriend."
More like guarding your "aunt's" pet cats from becoming potions ingredients for her "boyfriend's" experiments while her "boyfriend" went all out on your "aunt's" ass! The minute he thought this, Yuuri backtracked and refused to believe that he'd thought this. He recoiled. Then his mind did this:
AOIDFJS;AFDSKJADAIOSFJN
When he snapped back into reality, Gwendal and Josak were already hashing out plans to alert Conrad, who was on patrol near the border towns. Yes, Yuuri thought, Conrad would take care of the situation, and everything would be fine.
All Yuuri had to do now was maintain his sanity and try not to get distracted when walking behind Gwendal. Or better yet, not walk behind Gwendal at all.
Fandom: Kyou Kara Maou
Summary: At the dawn of a new war, Dai Shimaron uses a terrifying super-weapon on Conrad. How will Shin Makoku cope with having its best soldier incapacitated? And why can't Yuuri can't stop thinking about Gwendal's ass?
I: IN ARM'S WAY
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's their new super-weapon?"
"A gene mutation cannon," Josak said with a shrug.
Yuuri gaped at him, utterly confused. How had Dai Shimaron managed to create something as scientifically advanced as that? All the rusty logic circuits in his brain were screaming that the atomic bomb came before things like gene mutation cannons. More importantly, how did the people in this world know about genetics when indoor plumbing was still considered a luxury? Things like gene mutation cannons happened in sci-fi, and the genre of Yuuri's life was definitely fantasy. Or at least he thought so, anyway, given that he hadn't seen any crop circles or cattle mutilations yet. (Anal probing was an entirely different matter, and one that still made him slightly uncomfortable being in Gwendal's presence after the horrific scene he'd walked into that fateful day in Anissina's lab… Speaking of which, Gwendal was glaring over at him right now.)
Huh. Maybe he was just hearing things wrong. Morgif hadn't turned out to be Mel Gibson, after all, even if they were similar in some ways, like both being horrible womanizers way past their prime. Sometimes Yuuri imagined that if Morgif could speak in anything other than groans, he would have a Scottish accent. But that was another subject entirely.
"So, um, what will the cannon do?"
Josak stroked his chin as he tried to explain. "I'm not much of a scientist, but from what I got out of the blueprints and conversations with the researchers, a group of mages has to charge up the houseki in the power source, and then it's supposed to shoot a highly concentrated beam of ionized molecules at the target. Gamma rays, I think. Yeah, so the gamma ray radiation passes through the body's cells and mutates it. Now, normally this would just damage the DNA in your cells and increase your risk of getting cancer, but since the radiation is being guided by houjutsu, the mages control what kinds of mutations they're gonna give you. They could use it to create genetically enhanced soldiers to bolster their own ranks, or they could just wheel that baby out and zap us directly; turn us all into piles of irradiated demon-goo. They're beginning tests on both options right as we speak."
A cancer beam!
Yuuri's mouth flapped open and closed for a few seconds as he tried to find something intelligent to say. It was hard, though, because all he could think was, "You're a liar, Josak Gurrier! You totally understand this science stuff, and you've secretly been in cahoots with Anissina all this time!" But Yuuri couldn't very well say that, because if he thought about Anissina, then he would think about Gwendal, and if he thought about Josak and Gwendal, all he could think about was how Josak, having the proper equipment, didn't need any inventions to get down and dirty for some anal probing.
Yuuri resolved to get himself checked for mental health issues once he got back to Earth, like maybe PTSD or schizophrenia, but in the meantime, he really had nothing to say.
Luckily, Gwendal was there to save him in a way that the grumpy general wasn't able to save his own tush. Gwendal frowned, as always, and did that little growly thing he did when he was uber-pissed. "Damn it!" he hissed, slamming his palms on the desk. "We were too careless to have allowed this to happen!"
"It's not like we knew this was going to happen… Eh… Waitaminute. Did you actually understand all that science-y stuff with the radiation gamma ion something? You guys… actually know what DNA is?"
Gwendal glowered darkly, which was good because this was his normal look. At least he wasn't doing something completely out of character, like giggling, which he only did when he was high off noxious fumes or had various wires and metal tubes inserted in his… No, no. Never mind.
"Of course," Gwendal said, shaking Yuuri out of his barf-inducing reverie. "I suppose I shouldn't be surprised at your confusion, regardless of the fact that it was you who introduced such knowledge into our world."
"What? How is this my fault?"
"Oh, boy…" Josak sighed and scratched the back of his head, then said with a lop-sided grin, "It was all in that book you lost while on your latest camping trip near the border, Your Majesty. Someone must have picked it up and sold it to the enemy, because they had cryptographers decode your language and then… Well, that was the start of this mess."
"You should never have brought such dangerous materials out on a pleasure trip!" Gwendal said.
"I had to study for my biology exam!"
Really, how the hell was he supposed to have known that a high school biology textbook could lead to a cancer beam? It wasn't right. It wasn't right at all. Yuuri mentally cursed at his bad luck. In exchange for that 90%, he had started a war. And on top of that, he'd also had to pay a fee for losing the damn book!
"Aw, crap…" Yuuri resisted the urge to slam his head into the wall, deciding instead to focus on the situation at hand. "Anyway, we should probably figure out what to do with this. Do you know where the testing is going on, Josak?"
"I believe some tests were conducted on prisoners, but I also heard that they were going to start on some border towns in Shin Makoku. That's why I rushed back, actually. I had to make up some excuse about going back to Cavalcade to help my aunt take care of her cats while she went out with her new boyfriend."
More like guarding your "aunt's" pet cats from becoming potions ingredients for her "boyfriend's" experiments while her "boyfriend" went all out on your "aunt's" ass! The minute he thought this, Yuuri backtracked and refused to believe that he'd thought this. He recoiled. Then his mind did this:
AOIDFJS;AFDSKJADAIOSFJN
When he snapped back into reality, Gwendal and Josak were already hashing out plans to alert Conrad, who was on patrol near the border towns. Yes, Yuuri thought, Conrad would take care of the situation, and everything would be fine.
All Yuuri had to do now was maintain his sanity and try not to get distracted when walking behind Gwendal. Or better yet, not walk behind Gwendal at all.