the weather is changing and breaking my stride
i didnt go to school today. i may regret it latr, i may not. i think it will be fine though. I just couldnt go. I didn't want to go. I was too depressed and achey to do anything or go anywhere.
I am sickly, I dont know from what or how.
I feel like someone injected polio into my body as a slept. My muscles are so achey and my head is in a fog. My head feels a little warm and little bugs seem to be crawling all over my insides. I took some cold meds so i suppose that they can also add to my feeling so "off". I think that i am just putting my body under extreme stress and that's what made me suseptible to getting a little sick. I hope i can be functional when i go upstate this weekend. My GAD certainly doesn't help at times like these. Ugh.
I dont know what to do with myself. Part of me wants to just nap and part of me is saying that if i nap I will just feel worse when i get back up. It is sooo windy and gloomy today.
The good news is that I dont have school until next thursday. Mon, Tues, and Wed. I am off for a Jewish holiday. the bad part about it is that I wont get a chance to see prof. Ferraro until next Monday. I need to really utilize my time off and relax, and feel better in all kinds of ways. I need to take that time filling out transfer applications and organzing the paperwork that I need to give my school, and teachers. I also wouldnt mind going into Brooklyn to dye my hair but also to visit my grandmas. I miss them both terribly. Sophie is doing ok, wth her broken rib but it has definitely slowed her down some. I havent seen Grandma Irene in a very long time. I miss her terribly. I know I will fall apart when i see my grandfather just laying there in bed and staring at the ceiling. I am so surprised that he is still alive. He is SOO sick and has been barely hanging on for what seems like years. Anyway I need to see her because my heart cant take it anymore. she also has a gift of 500 dollars that she wants me to pick up which is nice but not neccessary. I found a couple hundred dollars in my drawer the other day from a past holiday or birthday. I need to go and put that all in the bank and try not to spend like a loon. I want to see if i can save up a few grand just in case my folks need it in the future. ya know for bills or for school or something.
My new layout is cute but it has some flaws. I want to change it as soon as I find another one i really like. Since i have a paid acct i would like to find one for paid members. does anyone know of any good communities or sites that offer free layouts for paid members?
Nick doesnt know it yet but I will defnitely make him stop in Lake George this weekend and at least drive me through Bolton Landing. It just has to happen. It will make me both happy and sad. I love that place and one day I want to have a little summer house there by the lake. A small house with a lot of land. One day I will have it. and i will buy my father a boat so that he could go fishing every morning for as long as he can.
I spoke to mum about the whole school thing yesterday while she was cooking dinner. It was hard to talk since the sizzling of the pan was sometimes louder than my voice. I felt as if she was half listening and half not. Im sure we will talk things over 100x. I can tell that my parents are not thrilled about me leaving. I know they want me to stay. I tried my hardest to explain to my mom how school will be easier for me if i live there and that i need a change of pace, that i have no friends, and that I am lonely. She of course scolded me about looking to schools for friends but for me social life and general enviornment around me completely affects me and my sanity.
My dad said the cutest thing to me yesterday. He looked at me and said something to the affect of "so, you really wanna leave us and live somewhere up north!? are you sure? because if you are, I dont know what I am going to do. I think I might die. I'm going to have to buy a house in Albany somewhere and get a job as a truck driver or something and visit you everyday."
That was the general gist of it and i wanted to hug him and cry. my parents are fucked up and can be so messed up sometimes but they are good, loving people. it made me smile so much to know that they dont want me to leave and that they will miss me so much. In fact, I am practically tearing up now as I write this just thinking about my dad saying that.
Your Band Name is:
The Sacred Falafel
Band Name Generator
um. falafel. yesss. i wouldnt mind having some now despite the fact that i have ZERO appetite. it sucks that i havent really been eating. what's wrong with meeee?
I am sickly, I dont know from what or how.
I feel like someone injected polio into my body as a slept. My muscles are so achey and my head is in a fog. My head feels a little warm and little bugs seem to be crawling all over my insides. I took some cold meds so i suppose that they can also add to my feeling so "off". I think that i am just putting my body under extreme stress and that's what made me suseptible to getting a little sick. I hope i can be functional when i go upstate this weekend. My GAD certainly doesn't help at times like these. Ugh.
I dont know what to do with myself. Part of me wants to just nap and part of me is saying that if i nap I will just feel worse when i get back up. It is sooo windy and gloomy today.
The good news is that I dont have school until next thursday. Mon, Tues, and Wed. I am off for a Jewish holiday. the bad part about it is that I wont get a chance to see prof. Ferraro until next Monday. I need to really utilize my time off and relax, and feel better in all kinds of ways. I need to take that time filling out transfer applications and organzing the paperwork that I need to give my school, and teachers. I also wouldnt mind going into Brooklyn to dye my hair but also to visit my grandmas. I miss them both terribly. Sophie is doing ok, wth her broken rib but it has definitely slowed her down some. I havent seen Grandma Irene in a very long time. I miss her terribly. I know I will fall apart when i see my grandfather just laying there in bed and staring at the ceiling. I am so surprised that he is still alive. He is SOO sick and has been barely hanging on for what seems like years. Anyway I need to see her because my heart cant take it anymore. she also has a gift of 500 dollars that she wants me to pick up which is nice but not neccessary. I found a couple hundred dollars in my drawer the other day from a past holiday or birthday. I need to go and put that all in the bank and try not to spend like a loon. I want to see if i can save up a few grand just in case my folks need it in the future. ya know for bills or for school or something.
My new layout is cute but it has some flaws. I want to change it as soon as I find another one i really like. Since i have a paid acct i would like to find one for paid members. does anyone know of any good communities or sites that offer free layouts for paid members?
Nick doesnt know it yet but I will defnitely make him stop in Lake George this weekend and at least drive me through Bolton Landing. It just has to happen. It will make me both happy and sad. I love that place and one day I want to have a little summer house there by the lake. A small house with a lot of land. One day I will have it. and i will buy my father a boat so that he could go fishing every morning for as long as he can.
I spoke to mum about the whole school thing yesterday while she was cooking dinner. It was hard to talk since the sizzling of the pan was sometimes louder than my voice. I felt as if she was half listening and half not. Im sure we will talk things over 100x. I can tell that my parents are not thrilled about me leaving. I know they want me to stay. I tried my hardest to explain to my mom how school will be easier for me if i live there and that i need a change of pace, that i have no friends, and that I am lonely. She of course scolded me about looking to schools for friends but for me social life and general enviornment around me completely affects me and my sanity.
My dad said the cutest thing to me yesterday. He looked at me and said something to the affect of "so, you really wanna leave us and live somewhere up north!? are you sure? because if you are, I dont know what I am going to do. I think I might die. I'm going to have to buy a house in Albany somewhere and get a job as a truck driver or something and visit you everyday."
That was the general gist of it and i wanted to hug him and cry. my parents are fucked up and can be so messed up sometimes but they are good, loving people. it made me smile so much to know that they dont want me to leave and that they will miss me so much. In fact, I am practically tearing up now as I write this just thinking about my dad saying that.
Your Band Name is:
The Sacred Falafel
Band Name Generator
um. falafel. yesss. i wouldnt mind having some now despite the fact that i have ZERO appetite. it sucks that i havent really been eating. what's wrong with meeee?