(no subject)
I'm crying right now. I'm not ashamed to say it. I feel terrible. I've only felt this bad once before. And it's almost for the same reason. Why is it that every single time I try to become friends with someone they wind up hating me. Do they misinterpret what I say. Cuz I'm a hard guy to interpret. But I never do anything bad. I don't lie about anything. I try to be friendly. Is friendliness scary? Do you find someone trying to be friendly scary in any way? Maybe if you don't know the person yeah. But if you talk to someone and you know them well, no stupid little thing should get in the way of your friendship. If there was a friendship in the first place, then nothing should be able to get rid of it. But something always happens to fuck things up. I always say something or do something, but I don't know what it is. Maybe it's not me. But then what could it be? Could people just make random inferences about me. Based on stupid reasons, or things people tell them. Or could it be that people that I entrusted would break our confidence and say something. I noticed that some people read my poems and think that that's what's going on in my head. As if my poems are based on real life. They're not. They're stories. Narratives, based on stuff that seems interesting. Stuff that people don't normally think of. But really, I wanna know what's going on. Maybe I'm just paranoid. Am I? Most signs point to "no".