Yeah, the potential of endless explanations make me anxious and avoidant sometimes because I just anticipate it, and sometimes I don't really want to talk about it. But at the same time I don't really 'pass' as anything so people always ask since I guess it's visually obvious, and expect me to educate them right then and there and if I refuse then TOO BAD, they'll treat me however they want.
It's like I have to have some sort of physical proof to be respected. And if people say something like, 'well, if you were really serious, you'd have done something about it by now,' OH. MY GOD.
It's weird, kind of like a time warp, like I stay 15 forever. Sometimes I'm thrown for a loop when someone I know comes out and then later that year or the next they're like 'hay scheduled for surgery!'. Not really in a bad way, I'm like 'wow, holy crap that really worked out for them! That's awesome!' and then a few days later I might think something relating to my situation like 'wait, am I doing this wrong?' Maybe I just have bad luck.
I feel weird if someone else my friends know comes out and if like SUPERFAST TRANSITION ZOOOOOOMMM and I've been trans for so much longer and when I say anything about myself, they're like, WELL SO AND SO DOESN'T HAVE THAT PROBLEM.
well, if you were really serious
I feel this way about myself already--like, I can't do other stuff like ask for male pronouns, because I'm not on T so it's not REAL--so it's like THANKS THAT'S SO HELPFUL I FEEL GREAT NOW. THANKS FOR THIS CONVERSATION. And everything is because I'm not serious enough. I can't afford transition yet, because IF I WERE SERIOUS--Even my clothes get the 'if you were serious you would have better fashion sense' treatment. If I were serious enough everything would fall into place, and I would have amazing clothes. Obviously I am doing it wrong.
I AM USING YOUR REPLY SECTION AS THERAPY, CLEARLY.
It's like I have to have some sort of physical proof to be respected. And if people say something like, 'well, if you were really serious, you'd have done something about it by now,' OH. MY GOD.
It's weird, kind of like a time warp, like I stay 15 forever. Sometimes I'm thrown for a loop when someone I know comes out and then later that year or the next they're like 'hay scheduled for surgery!'. Not really in a bad way, I'm like 'wow, holy crap that really worked out for them! That's awesome!' and then a few days later I might think something relating to my situation like 'wait, am I doing this wrong?' Maybe I just have bad luck.
Also, thaaaaaanks. :] Headscans!
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well, if you were really serious
I feel this way about myself already--like, I can't do other stuff like ask for male pronouns, because I'm not on T so it's not REAL--so it's like THANKS THAT'S SO HELPFUL I FEEL GREAT NOW. THANKS FOR THIS CONVERSATION. And everything is because I'm not serious enough. I can't afford transition yet, because IF I WERE SERIOUS--Even my clothes get the 'if you were serious you would have better fashion sense' treatment. If I were serious enough everything would fall into place, and I would have amazing clothes. Obviously I am doing it wrong.
I AM USING YOUR REPLY SECTION AS THERAPY, CLEARLY.
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