Steady, steady, steady
I was staring at people in other cars at stoplights today. Usually nobody notices when I am staring at them but I do it quite often. I always wonder if they are thinking anything or if they are thinking nothing because they're always just sitting there staring at the light like everybody else in their cars. I always wonder what the fuck people think about.
God I am such a creeper.
Something that I find really interesting while I am driving is that there are so many other people on the road that you interact with and have to trust their ability to drive but you never really know them or anything about them. Everyone is in a little speeding metal bullet bubble. People like to sing and pretend no one can see them. Social dynamics on the roadway interest me. I often have a really overpowering urge to keep a white board in my car so I can write messages to other people in cars. Like 'hello.' and 'smoking is bad for you.' and 'hey stop tailgating me. fuck you.' But I always forget to put the white board in my car.
I've been ok looking in the mirror. When I get out of the shower, I want to draw a heart around my face in the steam on the glass and say 'you are neat.' Whenever something trivial pops up and I feel like raining negativity on myself because I am not thin enough, not tall enough, don't fit pants like I would like to, don't look nice enough in clothes, am not androgynous enough, dislike my face, etc, etc, etc, my friend K has been popping into my mind. K got cancer very young and as a result had to have a leg amputated. Whenever I would see K, they were always very happy. Even though K probably didn't want to lose a leg, it's not the focus of their energy. Reflecting on this, it put things in perspective for me. I'm thankful for what I do have.
God I am such a creeper.
Something that I find really interesting while I am driving is that there are so many other people on the road that you interact with and have to trust their ability to drive but you never really know them or anything about them. Everyone is in a little speeding metal bullet bubble. People like to sing and pretend no one can see them. Social dynamics on the roadway interest me. I often have a really overpowering urge to keep a white board in my car so I can write messages to other people in cars. Like 'hello.' and 'smoking is bad for you.' and 'hey stop tailgating me. fuck you.' But I always forget to put the white board in my car.
I've been ok looking in the mirror. When I get out of the shower, I want to draw a heart around my face in the steam on the glass and say 'you are neat.' Whenever something trivial pops up and I feel like raining negativity on myself because I am not thin enough, not tall enough, don't fit pants like I would like to, don't look nice enough in clothes, am not androgynous enough, dislike my face, etc, etc, etc, my friend K has been popping into my mind. K got cancer very young and as a result had to have a leg amputated. Whenever I would see K, they were always very happy. Even though K probably didn't want to lose a leg, it's not the focus of their energy. Reflecting on this, it put things in perspective for me. I'm thankful for what I do have.