That's what I think about too. When I see people who are all about DECONSTRUCTING THE GENDER BINARY WOOOO I've found myself thinking at time 'is that possible?' or maybe it's just me that only sees gender more as I try to deconstruct it. Getting into the whole trans thing has, if anything, made me hyperaware of gender, reading people, and behaviours of people around me. I always find myself thinking 'is this person this?' 'Is this person that?' about gender and sexuality and all sorts of stuff.
Also not like this makes much of a difference in your particular situation but YOU ARE SOOO CUTE OMG OMG BEST SIZE EVER. But that's just one person's opinion. Haha. I LOVE SMALL CUTE PEOPLE. Societally though, it does seem to have an effect. I think the point you brought up is really interesting, and it was definitely something I thought about but didn't actually talk that much about. My size is kind of athletic for a girl, so as a guy it worked out ok. I was just short. But I used to be scared about my behaviour in relation to how I looked, and it actually made me scared of how I would be treated from when I was viewed as a girl and acted the way i did vs what it would be like when people viewed me as a guy and I acted how I did. It's stereotypically more 'ok' [at least here, it is] to act as me and look more feminine. Sometimes I worry that this is another laziness thing that influences me too.
Gee we consider a lot of stuff. Do you think most people do this because I really have no idea what most people do/think about.
Do you think most people do this because I really have no idea what most people do/think about.
i was JUST talking about this with my therapist. and about how i have no idea what a normal view of gender is because i think about all these things constantly. it seems incredible to me that there are people who can say "well, i've never really thought about gender that much before".
i think it's all about the context of your actions. when people are seeing me in a female context my actions appear un-feminine. but i'm sure that those same actions in a male context would be considered feminine. it's strange. haha, in a way i'm like "oh man people will see me as being such a fag". which is especially funny because aside from paul, i'm not really sure i'd date other men. i don't think of myself as being particularly gay.
the more i think about all this, in my mind the gap grows wider between the ideas of physical transition and social transition. one is intimately personal - between you and your body, and the other is incredibly public - the relationship between your body and the world.
Haha, I was JUST talking about this with my therapist too! Because I said something, I forget what. It was something like 'but I don't know if I've considered averything properly yet. Maybe I haven't thought about it right or enough.' And she was just like, 'you think. SO MUCH. About EVERYTHING. All the time.' Haha.
It was weird because when I looked feminine a lot of my actions were 'unfeminine' because I was a slob and did a lot of masculine things. But my speech patterns and physical gestures were pretty feminine. I think a lot of guys liked that they could relate to my likes and hobbies and what I did while still being able to be attracted to me as 'yeah its a hot girl that likes dude stuff!' or something. But when I transitioned it was kind of backwards and I ended up feeling like 'holy shit I am faggy' and people would yell 'fag' at me while I was just moseying around.
I DONT KNOW. In highschool I was supposedly 'straight' socially, even though I didn't date so everyone assumed I was a lesbian. But at the same time I was obsessed with gay men and gay sex. And currently I don't even know, I really like the person I like but outside of that it's not like I'd be 'seeking men' exclusively. Or something. Mostly because of all the reasons i listed in the above entry. Haha. Slimmer chance of compatibility. In which I mostly mean intellectually and in conversation, both of which are more important to me that the sex part. how was I supposed to be gay identified when the physical part that made it gay then became the least important part? What kind of sexual identity is liking a person's brain? SHIT DOES THIS STILL MAKE SENSE??
I realized the gap between physical transition for the self and social transition like, maybe a year ago/maybe more recently. Which seems stupid that I wouldn't have been mmore actively aware of it WHILE transitioning, but I think I forced myself not to because it was SO SCARY, I just wanted to do my thing and have it all work out magically like I wanted it to, and only think about the parts that i wanted to see and like.
SORRY LONG COMMENT. I should be writing a paper but I'm just so burnt out on that shit.
That's what I think about too. When I see people who are all about DECONSTRUCTING THE GENDER BINARY WOOOO I've found myself thinking at time 'is that possible?' or maybe it's just me that only sees gender more as I try to deconstruct it. Getting into the whole trans thing has, if anything, made me hyperaware of gender, reading people, and behaviours of people around me. I always find myself thinking 'is this person this?' 'Is this person that?' about gender and sexuality and all sorts of stuff.
Also not like this makes much of a difference in your particular situation but YOU ARE SOOO CUTE OMG OMG BEST SIZE EVER. But that's just one person's opinion. Haha. I LOVE SMALL CUTE PEOPLE. Societally though, it does seem to have an effect. I think the point you brought up is really interesting, and it was definitely something I thought about but didn't actually talk that much about. My size is kind of athletic for a girl, so as a guy it worked out ok. I was just short. But I used to be scared about my behaviour in relation to how I looked, and it actually made me scared of how I would be treated from when I was viewed as a girl and acted the way i did vs what it would be like when people viewed me as a guy and I acted how I did. It's stereotypically more 'ok' [at least here, it is] to act as me and look more feminine. Sometimes I worry that this is another laziness thing that influences me too.
Gee we consider a lot of stuff. Do you think most people do this because I really have no idea what most people do/think about.
Reply
i was JUST talking about this with my therapist. and about how i have no idea what a normal view of gender is because i think about all these things constantly. it seems incredible to me that there are people who can say "well, i've never really thought about gender that much before".
i think it's all about the context of your actions. when people are seeing me in a female context my actions appear un-feminine. but i'm sure that those same actions in a male context would be considered feminine. it's strange. haha, in a way i'm like "oh man people will see me as being such a fag". which is especially funny because aside from paul, i'm not really sure i'd date other men. i don't think of myself as being particularly gay.
the more i think about all this, in my mind the gap grows wider between the ideas of physical transition and social transition. one is intimately personal - between you and your body, and the other is incredibly public - the relationship between your body and the world.
Reply
Haha.
It was weird because when I looked feminine a lot of my actions were 'unfeminine' because I was a slob and did a lot of masculine things. But my speech patterns and physical gestures were pretty feminine. I think a lot of guys liked that they could relate to my likes and hobbies and what I did while still being able to be attracted to me as 'yeah its a hot girl that likes dude stuff!' or something. But when I transitioned it was kind of backwards and I ended up feeling like 'holy shit I am faggy' and people would yell 'fag' at me while I was just moseying around.
I DONT KNOW. In highschool I was supposedly 'straight' socially, even though I didn't date so everyone assumed I was a lesbian. But at the same time I was obsessed with gay men and gay sex. And currently I don't even know, I really like the person I like but outside of that it's not like I'd be 'seeking men' exclusively. Or something. Mostly because of all the reasons i listed in the above entry. Haha. Slimmer chance of compatibility. In which I mostly mean intellectually and in conversation, both of which are more important to me that the sex part. how was I supposed to be gay identified when the physical part that made it gay then became the least important part? What kind of sexual identity is liking a person's brain? SHIT DOES THIS STILL MAKE SENSE??
I realized the gap between physical transition for the self and social transition like, maybe a year ago/maybe more recently. Which seems stupid that I wouldn't have been mmore actively aware of it WHILE transitioning, but I think I forced myself not to because it was SO SCARY, I just wanted to do my thing and have it all work out magically like I wanted it to, and only think about the parts that i wanted to see and like.
SORRY LONG COMMENT. I should be writing a paper but I'm just so burnt out on that shit.
Reply
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