(no subject)
Title : A Change of Heart -I can’t forget You-
Pairing(s) : YeWon, slight HanChul, a bit of YesungxOC
Rating : (PG-13~NC-17) PG-13 for this chapter
Genre : AU, mini-series, Angst? A bit fail!fluff I guess
Disclaimer : Of course I’ll only have them in my dream
Warning : Sexual content, impairment of body part, unbeta-ed, possible grammar error
Summary : Yesung is in denial when Siwon try to prove his love for him. But when he finally realizes that they are made to each other, should they give away their love to fate?
A/N : It’s like a continuation of a filler from my fic, ‘Obsession won’t kill you’. You didn’t need to read it before because I kinda retell the story. But in case you want to read, you can find it here.
A/N 2 : The italic words are from Yesung’s past, in case you didn’t understand it. ^^;
Chapter 1
Chater 2 : Please Just Say Yes
Yesung wake up on the next day, feels so empty and tired, draining his body after all his cries. It’s not like he’s a crybaby. No, he’s not. In fact he rarely cries. This is the first time he ever cries again, after 3 years. After his girlfriend dump him.
“Oppa, fighting! I know you can do it!”
“I loooove you very much, oppa! Saranghae~”
Yesung shuts his eyes, covering his face with his hands when Hana’s voice filling his foggy minds once again. He cursed under his breath, feeling the tears forming again on his eyes. He massages his face for a while, trying to remove the sadness trace from his mind before look up at his clock.
7 am, he needs to get ready. Work is still work, no excuse, and this is just small matter. He can get over it. He knows he can. And with that, he gets up and get ready for the day. He covers his red and puffy eyes with make up, making sure he looks at least like a man who just needs some sleep. Then he closes his apartment, but still feels so gloomy when he steps out from his apartment building.
“Hyung.”, Siwon’s voice echoed in his ears and he immediately look up at the source. There he is, cladding with his school uniform, looks so gloomy like himself, fidgeting and unsure to make a move just a few steps beside him.
“What are you doing here?”, Yesung finds himself said so coldly to the boy and the latter flinch because of that.
“I.. my friend got attacked and almost molested yesterday, so.. I need to check on him.”, Siwon make excuse. Of course it’s the truth, but Yesung doesn’t want to hear any of that.
“Oppa, I’m sorry I can’t keep my promise to meet you up yesterday.”, Yesung shuts his eyes once again, tilting his head to his left side, gripping his hands for some support and gritting his teeth trying to remove the memory from his mind.
“I understand.”, Yesung voice sound so raspy in Siwon’s ear. His shibrows knit in worry.
“Hyung-”
“Look, I know you don’t want to be late for school. So please, just go. I need to go to my workplace now.”, Yesung said staring at Siwon. He hides his trembling hands in his pocket, and slightly bit his lips. At first Siwon was unsure to go, but then nods, grabbing his bag and go. Yesung sighs looking at Siwon’s figure that fading away from his view.
“I hope he’s not coming back.”, he whisper before turns his body to walk.
- - - -
Yesung sighs tiredly, hanging his head low, and practically drags his feet toward his apartment building. He feels so sore today. His boss wants him to do almost every work because his friend isn’t coming today. All he wants right now are shower with hot water and puts his body on his bed to have a good sleep. But in reality, he found Siwon once again, sitting on the terrace’s building.
The boy’s figure looks so miserable, if Yesung could say that. He lean on his feet, lacing his hands in front of him, he bites his lower lip, knitting his shibrows in serious expression, and is in a deep thought.
“How long have you been here?”, Yesung question the boy who jerk up with his sudden appearance. The boy immediately gets up with a relieved expression. He then looks at his watch, measuring the time. The boy timidly said ‘two’ to him and he must sighs at that.
“Have you eat yet?”, and almost angry because the boy shaking his head. “Seriously, what should I do to you..”, Yesung mumble.
“Hyung, I..”, Siwon starts. Once again he bites his lower lips. “Can you at least give me a chance?”, he adds. He move a step closer but stop almost immediately when Yesung shout at him.
“Stop! Stop.. please”, Yesung plead. His vision blur because the tears that slowly forms on his eyes.
“Hana, please.. can you at least give me a chance? I’ll do anything..”
“I don’t want to deal with you right now. Just, just go home, Siwon. Please.”, looking at Yesung’s fragile figure pierce Siwon’s heart. He wants to embrace the older man but keeps his desire as he doesn’t want to make more trouble as it is right now. So after nodding at Yesung’s request, he decides to leave the man there.
- - - -
It’s gonna be alright. Everything’s gonna be fine. He can make it, he’ll go through it.
“Oppa, saranghae yo..”, he remembers how Hana’s head will snuggles on his chest, wanting some warm and comfort.
“Please don’t fight with your father anymore, oppa. It’s not good. Think about your mother, I know she feels down right now.”
“Please understand your parents too, oppa. They just want the best for their precious son.”
“Precious son, my ass. They just know about their dignity!”, Yesung buried his face on his hands. He sits on the windowsill, letting the room as messy as he throws almost everything he had just to ease his heart. It’s happening again, and now he doesn’t know whether he’ll be strong enough to overcome his feeling.
And Siwon.. oh God, why he is so persistent to coming back? He practically waits for him after work till midnight, now. But unlike the other day, he just looks at him, saying no words and then just go when their eyes met. Sometimes the boy looks so exhausted, tired, and gloomy he even thinking to at least asking what’s wrong to the boy. Okay, that was stupid. Of course something is wrong. He knows he just ignore their problem, run from reality.
“Stop coming will you?”, Yesung found himself asking this to the boy one night after 22 days. The boy’s eyes just go wider in innocence way and then his lips twitching, forming a small and weak smile to him.
“I don’t think I can..”, was Siwon answers to him. Yesung sighs before sitting beside the boy, but not uttering single words to almost five minutes later.
“I still can’t give you a chance right now.”, he whispers. Siwon’s breathe hitched, pain expression flash on his handsome face.
“I understand.”, Siwon said, staring at the desert street. He can’t look at his love, trying to really mean what he just said.
“But..”, Siwon said once again. He took a deep breath before facing the older man beside him, his face looks so serious it makes Yesung feels a little scared and wonder.
“Can I at least go to your workplace and your band’s practice? Please.. at least, I want to do that.”, the older man just keeps silent for a moment, before nods once. Siwon’s face brightens up, revealing his twin dimples when he smiles.
“Thank you, hyung.”
- - - -
“Why do you choose to become a singer, oppa?”
“Oppa, I don’t think I can stand it anymore. “
“It’s something you can’t fix with your current situation, oppa. I just feel tired of you. You’ve no time for me now, you just busy with your band stuff.”
“I don’t want to have a singer boyfriend who has no bright future. My parents won’t allow me.”
“No, I don’t want to be together with you anymore. You’re not my oppa anymore.”
Yesung open his eyes that morning, feeling so tired, again. These past few weeks really drains his energy. And with the dream he had just a moment ago just makes his mood falling even more down. Then his phone beeped. He climbs off the bed and fetch his phone, smiling a bit when he read the message, from Siwon :
“Good morning, hyung! I’ve my match this evening so I won’t come to your band’s practice today. I hope you have a pleasant day!”
It’s been more than a mere few weeks passing by after he agreed to let Siwon enter his life (it’s different to give him a chance, or so he thought). It’s almost two months now. And true to be told, Siwon practically tailing him almost everyday whenever he was free. He even knows his routine now, just like this message. Seems creepy, but Yesung finds it to be cute (Oh well, who can resist Siwon for a long time, anyway).
He get ready for his day, feeling his mood to be lifted up, facing the day with a small smile, at least it’s still a smile forming on his face, feeling that the day will become alright. Or so he thought.
He stood in front of electronic shops, watching news on TV on display. He gritted his teeth and wearing an angry expression when the TV showing a news about a doctor revealing his discovery about some medical therapy and a new move for surgeon.
“I’ve dump my family, choosing my band over them. And I shouldn’t regret it one bit right now.”
- - - -
Halloween come a bit faster than Yesung thought. There’s so many request for Rêve they even confuse to fulfill which request. Once they settle down on one request, they practice hard. Yesung’s eyes often caught the staring from Siwon from the outside studio room. And when they take a break, Siwon appear, smiling to them.
“Hi, Siwon! You come again, today.”, Ryeowook said smiling back at him. Yesung just ignore them and just talking to his bassist, Kang Dae. In Su and Yoojin join them a moment later and they’re engaged with a heat conversation.
“I don’t think we should do that.”, Yesung said pouting to In Su.
“But it would be fantastic. Don’t you agree, Yoojin-ah?”, In Su tried to reasoned and asks Yoojin opinion. The latter took his time to think.
“But last time I did it, my tooth broken.”, he said in the end. Yesung and Kang Dae laughs at that.
“Yeah, I remember. That’s why I don’t want to do that.”, Yesung speak out.
“Why don’t we just make Yesung do some dance on stage?”, Kang Dae suggest.
“What? No!”, Yesung shriek while the other three burst out into laughing mess.
“Hey, what’s up?”, Ryeowook asks when he and Siwon join them.
“Wookie, please tell them to not make me dance on the stage! It’ll be horrible!”, Yesung chirp and clutching Ryeowook’s shirt. The said boy just laugh on it and giving the others a knowing nods. Little they know, Siwon feels so alone, and almost bursting out his jealousy toward the thin man beside him. Why can’t Yesung do the same to him? And why does Yesung seems to avoiding him these past two weeks? He just smiles politely when In Su jokes with him. He’s now part of Rêve, but it seems that he still far away from Yesung’s heart.
- - - -
“We are Rêve! Thank you for the stage and this cool party! Happy Halloween!”, Yesung shout earns some fans yelling his name out and clapping their hands. Once again, their performance was a success. Yesung feels relieve, he becomes tired easily now, and it’s not a good sign for him.
He kinda glance at Siwon who sits on the counter, watching him performs. He smiles when some crews congratulate him as he down the stairs.
“Hyung!”, Siwon shouts at him. Not long after that, he grabs Yesung’s hand a bit too harsh, make the man glare at him.
“What do you want?”, Yesung said coldly.
“You’re avoiding me.”, Siwon answer. He knits his shibrows and his lips twitching. Yesung sighs and a bit uncomfortable because Siwon stood so close to him, and should take a note about his hand that still grabbing his hands.
nbsp; “I already told you. Just leave me alone, Siwon-ah.”, he said so low but make sure that the said boy hears him right.
“Why, hyung?! Am I not trying enough? Am I not attracted enough for you to fall in love with me? Is it about me being a man, that you don’t want to even try to look at me?!”, suddenly Siwon bursting out his feeling, here, in the public with so many eyes watching them. Yesung so doesn’t like this situation.
“Siwon!”, Yesung warning him. His eyes teary and his parting lips trembling so hard before he closes it and grit his teeth. He breathes harshly, trying to control his emotion. But it’s no use.
“I’m disappointed in you.”, he said leaving the scene and the dumbstruck Siwon.
- - - -
“Oh, oppa, you know him? He’s Lee Songgi, your senior in college.”
He so wants to forget everything. Why can someone make a huge impact on somebody else? He grits his teeth, clasping his mouth as the tears once again flows on his cheek. Why does he become a cry baby this year? Why can’t he be a strong man like he is before? Why the bitter memories do always comes whenever he thinks about Siwon? Why does Siwon must come to his finally peaceful life?!
“Sungie..”, Ryeowook comes to him, embrace him tightly and Yesung continue to cry.
“I told him about Hana.”, Ryeowook’s words make him jerks away from the man’s embrace.
“You don’t dare..”
“But I think I must tell him this. And you, Jongwoon-ah, should face it. You can’t live from your past. You need to move on. And I guess Siwon practically have proof himself to be worth enough for you. He already waits for you for more than three month!”
“Don’t call me with those name!”, Yesung yell at his friend. He shook his head, his body trembling with fear and anguish. He hates that name!
His friend sighs before him. “Suit yourself.”
- - - -
He really wants to be drunk, but he can’t. Not when he must do his work, filling in his friend’s shift. He shouldn’t agree to do that in the first place, but with his friend’s pleading eyes.. We shouldn’t talk about it anymore.
And the night has come once again, and he wasn’t surprise when he spots the boy stand and occasionally pace back and forth in front of his apartment building.
“Are you going to come in or are you planning to stand there all night?”, he finally let his voice out and took a step in. The boy just jump in surprise and took a few steps back as he face him.
“I- I think you don’t have a work today?”, the boy questions. Yesung just shrugged, muttering something like, ““My friend asks me to fill in his shift.”
“C-can I come in?”, here it is. Yesung doesn’t know what response he should give to the boy in front of him. But then he nods, signaling the boy to follow him back home. He makes a coffee for both of them when they’re inside and give one cup to Siwon, a plain black coffee without additional sugar. Then as usual, he sits on the windowsill, sipping his coffee slowly.
“I’m sorry.”, the boy said but Yesung doesn’t have a heart to reply now. Silence fall again between them, and Yesung finally decide to speak.
“It seems that Wookie said something, hm?”, he state without turning his head away from outside.
“Yes.”
“And then?”, Siwon didn’t answer the question. Yesung glance at him and find the boy just moving his index finger to circle around his cup.
“I don’t want you to misunderstand my rejection.”, Yesung speak out his mind. This time he turns his body to look at the boy, but the latter just keeps lowering his head.
“I’m sorry.”, Siwon said again. “I don’t want to disappoint you. I admit that I was being too childish last night. But I-“
“I don’t want to hear it.”, Yesung interjected almost in whisper. He curled his body up and buried his head on his knees.
“Hyung-“, he hears the boy calls him, and all he wants to do is just shuts his eyes.
nbsp; “Stop!”, Yesung snap. He met Siwon eyes. He finds himself staring at the boys with his feelings, full of sadness, anxiety, anguish, fear. His lips trembling slightly. He wants to at least trying to hold back his emotion.
“You’ll be just like her! She always supported me! She was humble, kind, cheerful, I can rely at her. But then she said I was boring and she wasn’t interested anymore with me! She turns her back when I just want to pursue my career! She can’t bear me who choose my dream instead a boring, unhappy job! Fuck her!”, tears come streams down his cheeks and he almost choked at his last words as he expressing his heart. His vision becomes so blurry but he doesn’t care to wipe the tears off, and then he feels Siwon hug him, giving him soothing words to calm him down while caressing his back.
“I don’t want to be hurt anymore. It’s enough for me to lose my parents and her. I don’t want to give a damn to any feeling besides being happy with my band.”, he whisper to the man. He clutches his hands to the boy’s shirt, soaking it with his tears.
“Hyung..”, Siwon calls him in the way he never heard before. The boy cupped and lifts his face.
“Please hyung, give me a chance to proof that I’m the man who can stand proudly beside you. I would never ever hurt your feeling. I want to ease your pain and become your source of happiness too.”
nbsp; Yesung stares at the boy’s sincere eyes. He feels comfort in those eyes. Finally, the eyes that he seek for so many years. He shuts his eyes, breathing slowly as he remembers all of Siwon’s action these few months. Yes, he is really worth enough to make him lean on the boys’ shoulder. No, he can’t call him a boy anymore, right? He’s so in denial for so long, and he knows he always hurt the younger man’s heart. He cries, once again, but it’s not a sad tear that pours down, instead they are tears of relief. And then he nods slowly, feels so shy all of sudden. He look up to the younger man, meeting a flashing twin dimples smile and return the smile when the younger man kiss his forehead before finally embrace him tightly.
- - - -
A/N 3 : It’s not over yet~ Kekekeke I’m sorry if it’s like I’m just copying what I’ve write on my fic. But~ it’s because I don’t know how to change it as I thinking that the words are good as it is. But I do change it!! *whines* don’t believe? Just check it if you want~ *grin* And the next chapter, I’m thinking to divide it into 2 parts, one with R rating and one NC-17 *wicked smile*, because it seems to have too long pages. As always, comment or anything is <3!
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