Butterfly Kisses
Title: Butterfly’s Kiss
Pairing: Kiwoon, AJ/Dongwoon
Summary: He closes his eyes and he thinks he can feel the lips of his lover brushing across his cheek again like a butterfly’s kiss.
Rating: PG
Warning: AU, character death
Notes: My first ever B2ST fic DD: I’m a little worried really and seeing as this is AU and all, I hope you forgive me if the members are a little out of character? This turned out longer than expeced 0-0
__
They meet in high school. One is sixteen, full of dreams and still innocent to the cruelty of the world. The other, seventeen and wary yet not yet afraid of what fate my give him. It happens all so very coincidentally wherein Dongwoon passes the music room one day and hears a voice, a beautiful voice singing. “I don’t have anything left any more. I thought about giving up everything but I am standing up again,” He hears a sigh and a screech before the door is opened comes face to face with a boy with the sweetest smile stretched over his face, eyes blinking at him curiously. “Hello,” the boy says pleasantly, grinning widely, showing off pearly white teeth as Dongwoon swallows nervously, wiping his suddenly sweaty palms on his school pants as he shakes the hand offered to him. “Hi,” he says. “I’m Dongwoon,” The boy laughs, eyes creasing into half-moons as he replies, “Lee Kikwang! Nice to meet you Dongwoon!”
And like all typical love stories, they start spending time together, one attracted to the melody of the elder’s laughter, the other reeled in by the security the younger seems to provide. “My friends say they want to meet the guy who’s replaced them,” Dongwoon says one day, his hand holding onto Kikwang’s easily as he eats his ice cream. Kikwang chews his lower lip nervously before saying teasingly, “You have friends? I had no idea Woonie-ah!” Dongwoon sulks and Kikwang laughs, pulling the younger in for an embrace and presses a sticky, chocolaty kiss to his friend’s cheek. “Don’t pout Woonie! I was just playing around. I’d like to meet them,” And Dongwoon grins, ruffling the elder’s hair as he hums and skips along to match Dongwoon’s big strides.
As predicted, upon meeting Dongwoon’s friends, everything becomes chaotic. Yoseob bullies Kikwang because he still cannot accept the fact that Dongwoon would choose some smiley fairy thing to replace him, Doojoon is amused and does nothing to stop Yoseob from poking fun at Kikwang, Hyunseung mothers him by forcing lunch on him because “Kikwang-sshi! You’re too thin! Dongwoon! How can you not look after him? Aigoo, I’m sorry my son is such an idiot!” and Junhyung sits back with a superior smirk on his face as Hyunseung empties out half his wallet to buy Kikwang lunch. “Oh my god,” Dongwoon whimpers, dropping his head to the table as Kikwang tries to ignore Yoseob and eat the food Hyunseung is shoving his way. “Well, I guess this means Kikwang is part of our gang now huh?” Doojoon comments after he manages to shut Yoseob up with a triple scoop sundae. And the bright grin Kikwang has on his face after that allows Dongwoon stop feeling guilty and takes the elder’s hand in his own.
__
Somewhere after three to four months of meeting each other, Kikwang and Dongwoon becomes if you want to find Kikwang, find Dongwoon and if you want to find Dongwoon, find Kikwang. They’re inseparable and much to Yoseob’s chagrin and to no one else’s surprise, the two start dating being sappy and sweet. Things are all great and happy until Kikwang starts getting nosebleeds frequently.
“Kwang-ah, are you sure you don’t want to go see a doctor?” Dongwoon says worriedly as Kikwang is bent over the sink, washing his face and hands to rid himself of the blood. He straightens up and Dongwoon reaches over to wipe off the water with a cloth, pressing a kiss to his boyfriend’s forehead. “I’m fine Woonie. I haven’t been drinking enough water, that’s all,” Kikwang dismisses Dongwoon’s worries and smiles tiredly before shuffling back out to his bedroom. Dongwoon sighs and follows after the older worriedly, disbelieving of Kikwang’s claims to not have been drinking enough water. He’s been seeing his older lover guzzle down bottle after bottle of water everyday.
Weeks pass and Dongwoon can’t help but notice how thin his lover is becoming when he pulls Kikwang into a hug one day and swings him around. “You’re light,” he comments. “I’ve always been light Woonie-ah, no difference now,” Kikwang shoots back easily, brushing his lips across Dongwoon’s nose. “No, Kikwang. You’re too thin. I can feel your ribs!” Dongwoon snaps, scandalized as he puts Kikwang back down. He sees the guilty look on Kikwang’s face and he chokes. “Have you… been eating?” Kikwang clenches and unclenches his fist and Dongwoon knows he’s nervous about something because the fist thing is a nervous tic Kikwang has. “I… yeah. I mean I’ve eaten some fruits and meat… But I try not to each too much,” Kikwang stammers out, looking down at the floor as Dongwoon sits on the sofa heavily. “Why?” he forces out. Kikwang shuffles closer and sits on the floor next to his legs and lays his head on Dongwoon’s thigh. “I’ve been feeling nauseous. If I eat too much, I just throw up everything…” Dongwoon sighs heavily and runs his fingers through Kikwang’s hair, shocked when a clump of what used to be Kikwang’s healthy, shiny red hair falls out and into his hand. “Dongwoon-“ Dongwoon gives him a hard look. “No Kikwang. We’re going to the doctor’s. Tomorrow,”
__
He feels like as though his world had been thrown off its axis. The moment Kikwang takes off his shirt for the doctor to check, Dongwoon’s breath catches at what used to be Kikwang’s healthy, milky skin that he’d leave marks on when they got a little frisky in their make out sessions. Instead, the skin is littered in bruises that have Kikwang hissing in pain when they are prodded. “Lee-sshi, have you been experiencing shortness of breath, headaches, nausea and dizziness?” the doctor, Yoochun asks. Kikwang glances at Dongwoon before nodding hesitantly. Yoochun frowns as he scribbles something down on the file. “Your blood test result won’t be back until Thursday. If you could come back Thursday afternoon, we’ll know what’s wrong with you,” Yoochun says quietly but Dongwoon can tell that he knows what’s wrong with Kikwang and he wants to scream at the young doctor to tell him, them, already.
“Before that, could you follow my nurse, Changmin and go for a scan to your nose?” Yoochun waves Changmin over and the long-legged nurse nods, smiling briefly at the doctor before gesturing for Kikwang to follow him. As soon as the door shuts, Dongwoon levels the doctor with a stare. “You already know what’s wrong wit him,” he says flatly and Yoochun sighs, pulling off his glasses and rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Yes, I do. But I don’t want to tell you now and maybe get it wrong when the tests come out,” Yoochun says quietly as Dongwoon slams a fist down on the table. “With all due respect doctor, from what I can tell, you already seem damned sure of what my boyfriend has,” he chokes out angrily. “So tell me damn it!”
Yoochun looks at Dongwoon unseeingly for a moment before whispering, “He has a blood disorder,” Dongwoon deflates, leaning back into the chair as he sputters, unsure of what to do, feeling tears form and he scrubs his face roughly. “Can it be cured?” he asks quietly. Yoochun nods. “Yes but not here. Kikwang will have to go to America for treatment. But the treatment can only prolong his time and not fully cure him. This blood disorder… there’s still research being conducted and well… they’ve only managed to find something temporary,” Dongwoon cries this time, silently as his hangs. He feels warmth and looks up to see the stricken face of his lover and the tears that’s made itself known on the gaunt cheeks of the once healthy boy. “You have to get the treatment Kwang,” chokes Dongwoon. “You have to!” Kikwang smiles sadly at his younger lover and shakes his head. “I can’t Woon-ah… My family, we don’t have the money,”
__
They leave the hospital subdued and quiet, Kikwang walking away from Dongwoon, a space between them where they used to hold hands, laugh and sing girl group songs. “Kwang…” Dongwoon starts. “Dongwoon, please… Don’t,” Kikwang begs, stopping and turning to face Dongwoon, eyes filled with tears. “Just… if you see my house, you’ll understand,” And he turns back, sniffling and flinching when Dongwoon tries to touch him. Dongwoon stares after his boyfriend, an ache in his chest as he trails after him. Kwang-ah, I can help you. Why won’t you let me? He thinks sadly.
When they reach Kikwang’s house that is just a fifteen-minute walk from the hospital, Kikwang is pale and breathing heavily, leaning against his house’s front gate. Dongwoon rushes up to him and holds him up, ignoring the elder’s protest. It’s a simple single storey house that would look like any other house on the street if it weren’t for the red paint splashed on the front door and windows. “My parents… They got into some debt two years ago but they have yet to pay the loan sharks back,” Kikwang says quietly, staring at his house sightlessly, sagging into Dongwoon’s warmth. “They’re already burdened enough by the debt and my school fees, I can’t do this to them,”
“Then let me help you!” Dongwoon shouts. “My parents, they’ll help you! Please, just, Kikwang, please,” Tears roll down his cheeks as he hugs Kikwang, feeling the clamminess of his lover’s skin as he cries into his shoulder. “I cannot burden you anymore than I have Dongwoon-ah. I won’t because I’m ready… To die, to leave this life behind. I don’t want to suffer the pain of having to go through the treatments, of burdening my parents so please, just stay by my side until the very end,”
“You’re a selfish bastard Kikwang-ah,” Dongwoon sobs, clutching the older like as though he is going to disappear. “I know Dongwoon, I know,” he murmurs in return as he looks up at the clear sky.
__
Dongwoon keeps track of the date, counts every second, minute and hour obsessively because according to Yoochun, Kikwang only has four months to live, give and take. He refuses to go for any more check ups after they return on Thursday. He accepts the medicine given to him but he doesn’t touch it, he leaves it sitting in his drawer.
Soon enough, Kikwang starts getting weaker, frailer and he has to use a wheelchair to get around. Dongwoon gets Changmin to drop by every Sunday to give him a drip to provide him with the nutrition Kikwang’s body needs but cannot get from solid food. Hyunseung fusses over him, always close to tears, as he makes sure that Kikwang is warm, knitting him a blanket to keep on his lap so that he won’t be cold. Yoseob teases him still but it’s all very forced and every time after Kikwang dozes off, he goes crying to Doojoon, wailing of the unfairness of it all. Junhyung contributes by taking care of Kikwang during school because Dongwoon is a year younger than Kikwang is and cannot be there for him during classes or when he has football practice. And Kikwang, he’s accepted that he isn’t going to come out of this alive. He knows he’s life is on a line and he spends every moment of it making new memories with Dongwoon by getting the younger to bring him to the amusement park as they sit on the Ferris Wheel over and over, sharing sweet kisses and hot chocolate or dragging Dongwoon out to the park to feed the ducks and eat ice cream.
They take lots of pictures much to Kikwang’s horror. “No! Woon! I look horrible!” he always protests when Dongwoon whips out his Polaroid. Dongwoon will smile, lovingly, sadly and reply, “No Kwang-ah, you’re still beautiful,”
Three and a half months past and when Dongwoon wakes up on a bright Monday morning during their term break, he feels like something is going to happen today, that today, he will lose Kikwang. He stifles a sob as he looks down at the older sleeping peacefully on his chest, barely weighing anything at all. “I love you,” he whispers, brushing the elder’s cheek gently, tears dripping onto his pillow, warm and wet. “I love you,” he says louder, voice cracking as Kikwang stirs, eyelashes fluttering open, tickling Dongwoon’s skin. “Hey, why are you crying?” he asks softly, reaching up and brushing Dongwoon’s tears away. Dongwoon shakes his head mutely and captures Kikwang’s lips in a kiss that spoke too much of goodbye. “Woon-ah, can you… will you make love to me?” Kikwang asks hoarsely, thumb stroking Dongwoon’s cheek. Dongwoon nods mutely as he presses their lips together, gently pressing Kikwang down into the mattress.
The sun streaming into the open window and the bird that lands on the windowsill, chirruping a sweet song becomes witness to their loving joining, all gentle touches, quiet moans and sweet kisses. Kikwang cries afterwards, feeling tired, worn as he curls up into Dongwoon’s arms, uncaring of the stickiness between their bodies, feeling cold all of a sudden. Dongwoon cries silently, cradling the older close as Kikwang traces his name and ‘I love you’ all over his chest. “Dongwoon-ah, after I leave… Please continue living,” Kikwang says quietly, resting his head over Dongwoon’s heart. The younger coughs, a sob tearing its way out his throat. “Don’t say that like you’re dying today! You’ve got another, another half a month to go Kikwangie,” he cries as Kikwang sings softly. “And I, will always love you,” Kikwang sings until his voice fades, tiredness seeping into his bones as his lashes flutter close. He presses his lips to Dongwoon’s heart as he breathes out, “I love you Dongwoon-ah. Thank you,” And his breathing slows until his breathes out his last puff of air, body exploding into flower petals as a butterfly takes flight in the room and flutters out the window, its wings a shiny red and black and silver as Dongwoon cries.
Dongwoon wakes up crying, sobbing, shouting for Kikwang and he looks down, relieved to see Kikwang lying on his chest, over his heart and holds the older close. He freezes when he feels no rise and fall from Kikwang and he screams.
Doojoon finds him this way in the morning when he comes over with tickets to a comedy movie Kikwang has wanted to watch. His own heart breaking when he sees Dongwoon crying, rocking Kikwang’s cold body in his arms. “He’s gone Dongwoon-ah,” Doojoon murmurs, choking back his own tears. “Let him go,”
__
Three years later finds a handsome young man standing before a well-kept grave, a fresh bouquet of flowers laid over the grave. “Ah Kikwang, I wish I had met you earlier… Thank you for donating your healthy kidney to me. It’s thanks to you I can dance again,” the stranger says, smiling.
“Hey,” A voice says. “Who are you?” The stranger turns and sees a mocha-skinned man standing a little ways away, a bouquet of sunflowers in hand looking haggard and sad. “Oh! I’m AJ,” the stranger - AJ - says, smiling brightly. The other man is struck by how familiar that smile is as he moves closer, laying the sunflowers down beside the buttercups. “This was his favorite flower,” the man says quietly, smiling sadly at the picture of Kikwang with the widest smile on his face, caught in a laugh. “Oh, really? They’re mine too! Buttercups mean childishness you know,” AJ says happily. “Kikwang-sshi is a stranger to me but it’s thanks to him I can dance again,”
The man stands and gives AJ a look, “You’re the guy who got Kwang’s kidney?” he asks curiously as AJ nods enthusiastically. “Huh, look at that Kikwang-ah. Your kidney went to a dance maniac,” The man turns and holds out his hand to AJ, smiling, the sadness in his smile gone now. “I’m Dongwoon,” he says quietly, glancing at the grave before smiling fully. “Nice to meet you Dongwoon-sshi! Do you want to have some coffee? Maybe you could tell me about Kikwang-sshi?” Dongwoon nods. “I’d love to,” AJ laughs and skips ahead, singing happily despite being in a graveyard.
“I love you Lee Kikwang,” he murmurs, blinking back his tears as a red, black and silver butterfly flutters down onto his shoulder, its wings tickling Dongwoon’s cheek as it lands on his shoulder, feeling much like the kisses Kikwang used to smother him in. “Goodbye,” And he turns, leaving the graveyard as the butterfly dances above, joined by a dark green and brown colored butterfly.
.end
Pairing: Kiwoon, AJ/Dongwoon
Summary: He closes his eyes and he thinks he can feel the lips of his lover brushing across his cheek again like a butterfly’s kiss.
Rating: PG
Warning: AU, character death
Notes: My first ever B2ST fic DD: I’m a little worried really and seeing as this is AU and all, I hope you forgive me if the members are a little out of character? This turned out longer than expeced 0-0
__
They meet in high school. One is sixteen, full of dreams and still innocent to the cruelty of the world. The other, seventeen and wary yet not yet afraid of what fate my give him. It happens all so very coincidentally wherein Dongwoon passes the music room one day and hears a voice, a beautiful voice singing. “I don’t have anything left any more. I thought about giving up everything but I am standing up again,” He hears a sigh and a screech before the door is opened comes face to face with a boy with the sweetest smile stretched over his face, eyes blinking at him curiously. “Hello,” the boy says pleasantly, grinning widely, showing off pearly white teeth as Dongwoon swallows nervously, wiping his suddenly sweaty palms on his school pants as he shakes the hand offered to him. “Hi,” he says. “I’m Dongwoon,” The boy laughs, eyes creasing into half-moons as he replies, “Lee Kikwang! Nice to meet you Dongwoon!”
And like all typical love stories, they start spending time together, one attracted to the melody of the elder’s laughter, the other reeled in by the security the younger seems to provide. “My friends say they want to meet the guy who’s replaced them,” Dongwoon says one day, his hand holding onto Kikwang’s easily as he eats his ice cream. Kikwang chews his lower lip nervously before saying teasingly, “You have friends? I had no idea Woonie-ah!” Dongwoon sulks and Kikwang laughs, pulling the younger in for an embrace and presses a sticky, chocolaty kiss to his friend’s cheek. “Don’t pout Woonie! I was just playing around. I’d like to meet them,” And Dongwoon grins, ruffling the elder’s hair as he hums and skips along to match Dongwoon’s big strides.
As predicted, upon meeting Dongwoon’s friends, everything becomes chaotic. Yoseob bullies Kikwang because he still cannot accept the fact that Dongwoon would choose some smiley fairy thing to replace him, Doojoon is amused and does nothing to stop Yoseob from poking fun at Kikwang, Hyunseung mothers him by forcing lunch on him because “Kikwang-sshi! You’re too thin! Dongwoon! How can you not look after him? Aigoo, I’m sorry my son is such an idiot!” and Junhyung sits back with a superior smirk on his face as Hyunseung empties out half his wallet to buy Kikwang lunch. “Oh my god,” Dongwoon whimpers, dropping his head to the table as Kikwang tries to ignore Yoseob and eat the food Hyunseung is shoving his way. “Well, I guess this means Kikwang is part of our gang now huh?” Doojoon comments after he manages to shut Yoseob up with a triple scoop sundae. And the bright grin Kikwang has on his face after that allows Dongwoon stop feeling guilty and takes the elder’s hand in his own.
__
Somewhere after three to four months of meeting each other, Kikwang and Dongwoon becomes if you want to find Kikwang, find Dongwoon and if you want to find Dongwoon, find Kikwang. They’re inseparable and much to Yoseob’s chagrin and to no one else’s surprise, the two start dating being sappy and sweet. Things are all great and happy until Kikwang starts getting nosebleeds frequently.
“Kwang-ah, are you sure you don’t want to go see a doctor?” Dongwoon says worriedly as Kikwang is bent over the sink, washing his face and hands to rid himself of the blood. He straightens up and Dongwoon reaches over to wipe off the water with a cloth, pressing a kiss to his boyfriend’s forehead. “I’m fine Woonie. I haven’t been drinking enough water, that’s all,” Kikwang dismisses Dongwoon’s worries and smiles tiredly before shuffling back out to his bedroom. Dongwoon sighs and follows after the older worriedly, disbelieving of Kikwang’s claims to not have been drinking enough water. He’s been seeing his older lover guzzle down bottle after bottle of water everyday.
Weeks pass and Dongwoon can’t help but notice how thin his lover is becoming when he pulls Kikwang into a hug one day and swings him around. “You’re light,” he comments. “I’ve always been light Woonie-ah, no difference now,” Kikwang shoots back easily, brushing his lips across Dongwoon’s nose. “No, Kikwang. You’re too thin. I can feel your ribs!” Dongwoon snaps, scandalized as he puts Kikwang back down. He sees the guilty look on Kikwang’s face and he chokes. “Have you… been eating?” Kikwang clenches and unclenches his fist and Dongwoon knows he’s nervous about something because the fist thing is a nervous tic Kikwang has. “I… yeah. I mean I’ve eaten some fruits and meat… But I try not to each too much,” Kikwang stammers out, looking down at the floor as Dongwoon sits on the sofa heavily. “Why?” he forces out. Kikwang shuffles closer and sits on the floor next to his legs and lays his head on Dongwoon’s thigh. “I’ve been feeling nauseous. If I eat too much, I just throw up everything…” Dongwoon sighs heavily and runs his fingers through Kikwang’s hair, shocked when a clump of what used to be Kikwang’s healthy, shiny red hair falls out and into his hand. “Dongwoon-“ Dongwoon gives him a hard look. “No Kikwang. We’re going to the doctor’s. Tomorrow,”
__
He feels like as though his world had been thrown off its axis. The moment Kikwang takes off his shirt for the doctor to check, Dongwoon’s breath catches at what used to be Kikwang’s healthy, milky skin that he’d leave marks on when they got a little frisky in their make out sessions. Instead, the skin is littered in bruises that have Kikwang hissing in pain when they are prodded. “Lee-sshi, have you been experiencing shortness of breath, headaches, nausea and dizziness?” the doctor, Yoochun asks. Kikwang glances at Dongwoon before nodding hesitantly. Yoochun frowns as he scribbles something down on the file. “Your blood test result won’t be back until Thursday. If you could come back Thursday afternoon, we’ll know what’s wrong with you,” Yoochun says quietly but Dongwoon can tell that he knows what’s wrong with Kikwang and he wants to scream at the young doctor to tell him, them, already.
“Before that, could you follow my nurse, Changmin and go for a scan to your nose?” Yoochun waves Changmin over and the long-legged nurse nods, smiling briefly at the doctor before gesturing for Kikwang to follow him. As soon as the door shuts, Dongwoon levels the doctor with a stare. “You already know what’s wrong wit him,” he says flatly and Yoochun sighs, pulling off his glasses and rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Yes, I do. But I don’t want to tell you now and maybe get it wrong when the tests come out,” Yoochun says quietly as Dongwoon slams a fist down on the table. “With all due respect doctor, from what I can tell, you already seem damned sure of what my boyfriend has,” he chokes out angrily. “So tell me damn it!”
Yoochun looks at Dongwoon unseeingly for a moment before whispering, “He has a blood disorder,” Dongwoon deflates, leaning back into the chair as he sputters, unsure of what to do, feeling tears form and he scrubs his face roughly. “Can it be cured?” he asks quietly. Yoochun nods. “Yes but not here. Kikwang will have to go to America for treatment. But the treatment can only prolong his time and not fully cure him. This blood disorder… there’s still research being conducted and well… they’ve only managed to find something temporary,” Dongwoon cries this time, silently as his hangs. He feels warmth and looks up to see the stricken face of his lover and the tears that’s made itself known on the gaunt cheeks of the once healthy boy. “You have to get the treatment Kwang,” chokes Dongwoon. “You have to!” Kikwang smiles sadly at his younger lover and shakes his head. “I can’t Woon-ah… My family, we don’t have the money,”
__
They leave the hospital subdued and quiet, Kikwang walking away from Dongwoon, a space between them where they used to hold hands, laugh and sing girl group songs. “Kwang…” Dongwoon starts. “Dongwoon, please… Don’t,” Kikwang begs, stopping and turning to face Dongwoon, eyes filled with tears. “Just… if you see my house, you’ll understand,” And he turns back, sniffling and flinching when Dongwoon tries to touch him. Dongwoon stares after his boyfriend, an ache in his chest as he trails after him. Kwang-ah, I can help you. Why won’t you let me? He thinks sadly.
When they reach Kikwang’s house that is just a fifteen-minute walk from the hospital, Kikwang is pale and breathing heavily, leaning against his house’s front gate. Dongwoon rushes up to him and holds him up, ignoring the elder’s protest. It’s a simple single storey house that would look like any other house on the street if it weren’t for the red paint splashed on the front door and windows. “My parents… They got into some debt two years ago but they have yet to pay the loan sharks back,” Kikwang says quietly, staring at his house sightlessly, sagging into Dongwoon’s warmth. “They’re already burdened enough by the debt and my school fees, I can’t do this to them,”
“Then let me help you!” Dongwoon shouts. “My parents, they’ll help you! Please, just, Kikwang, please,” Tears roll down his cheeks as he hugs Kikwang, feeling the clamminess of his lover’s skin as he cries into his shoulder. “I cannot burden you anymore than I have Dongwoon-ah. I won’t because I’m ready… To die, to leave this life behind. I don’t want to suffer the pain of having to go through the treatments, of burdening my parents so please, just stay by my side until the very end,”
“You’re a selfish bastard Kikwang-ah,” Dongwoon sobs, clutching the older like as though he is going to disappear. “I know Dongwoon, I know,” he murmurs in return as he looks up at the clear sky.
__
Dongwoon keeps track of the date, counts every second, minute and hour obsessively because according to Yoochun, Kikwang only has four months to live, give and take. He refuses to go for any more check ups after they return on Thursday. He accepts the medicine given to him but he doesn’t touch it, he leaves it sitting in his drawer.
Soon enough, Kikwang starts getting weaker, frailer and he has to use a wheelchair to get around. Dongwoon gets Changmin to drop by every Sunday to give him a drip to provide him with the nutrition Kikwang’s body needs but cannot get from solid food. Hyunseung fusses over him, always close to tears, as he makes sure that Kikwang is warm, knitting him a blanket to keep on his lap so that he won’t be cold. Yoseob teases him still but it’s all very forced and every time after Kikwang dozes off, he goes crying to Doojoon, wailing of the unfairness of it all. Junhyung contributes by taking care of Kikwang during school because Dongwoon is a year younger than Kikwang is and cannot be there for him during classes or when he has football practice. And Kikwang, he’s accepted that he isn’t going to come out of this alive. He knows he’s life is on a line and he spends every moment of it making new memories with Dongwoon by getting the younger to bring him to the amusement park as they sit on the Ferris Wheel over and over, sharing sweet kisses and hot chocolate or dragging Dongwoon out to the park to feed the ducks and eat ice cream.
They take lots of pictures much to Kikwang’s horror. “No! Woon! I look horrible!” he always protests when Dongwoon whips out his Polaroid. Dongwoon will smile, lovingly, sadly and reply, “No Kwang-ah, you’re still beautiful,”
Three and a half months past and when Dongwoon wakes up on a bright Monday morning during their term break, he feels like something is going to happen today, that today, he will lose Kikwang. He stifles a sob as he looks down at the older sleeping peacefully on his chest, barely weighing anything at all. “I love you,” he whispers, brushing the elder’s cheek gently, tears dripping onto his pillow, warm and wet. “I love you,” he says louder, voice cracking as Kikwang stirs, eyelashes fluttering open, tickling Dongwoon’s skin. “Hey, why are you crying?” he asks softly, reaching up and brushing Dongwoon’s tears away. Dongwoon shakes his head mutely and captures Kikwang’s lips in a kiss that spoke too much of goodbye. “Woon-ah, can you… will you make love to me?” Kikwang asks hoarsely, thumb stroking Dongwoon’s cheek. Dongwoon nods mutely as he presses their lips together, gently pressing Kikwang down into the mattress.
The sun streaming into the open window and the bird that lands on the windowsill, chirruping a sweet song becomes witness to their loving joining, all gentle touches, quiet moans and sweet kisses. Kikwang cries afterwards, feeling tired, worn as he curls up into Dongwoon’s arms, uncaring of the stickiness between their bodies, feeling cold all of a sudden. Dongwoon cries silently, cradling the older close as Kikwang traces his name and ‘I love you’ all over his chest. “Dongwoon-ah, after I leave… Please continue living,” Kikwang says quietly, resting his head over Dongwoon’s heart. The younger coughs, a sob tearing its way out his throat. “Don’t say that like you’re dying today! You’ve got another, another half a month to go Kikwangie,” he cries as Kikwang sings softly. “And I, will always love you,” Kikwang sings until his voice fades, tiredness seeping into his bones as his lashes flutter close. He presses his lips to Dongwoon’s heart as he breathes out, “I love you Dongwoon-ah. Thank you,” And his breathing slows until his breathes out his last puff of air, body exploding into flower petals as a butterfly takes flight in the room and flutters out the window, its wings a shiny red and black and silver as Dongwoon cries.
Dongwoon wakes up crying, sobbing, shouting for Kikwang and he looks down, relieved to see Kikwang lying on his chest, over his heart and holds the older close. He freezes when he feels no rise and fall from Kikwang and he screams.
Doojoon finds him this way in the morning when he comes over with tickets to a comedy movie Kikwang has wanted to watch. His own heart breaking when he sees Dongwoon crying, rocking Kikwang’s cold body in his arms. “He’s gone Dongwoon-ah,” Doojoon murmurs, choking back his own tears. “Let him go,”
__
Three years later finds a handsome young man standing before a well-kept grave, a fresh bouquet of flowers laid over the grave. “Ah Kikwang, I wish I had met you earlier… Thank you for donating your healthy kidney to me. It’s thanks to you I can dance again,” the stranger says, smiling.
“Hey,” A voice says. “Who are you?” The stranger turns and sees a mocha-skinned man standing a little ways away, a bouquet of sunflowers in hand looking haggard and sad. “Oh! I’m AJ,” the stranger - AJ - says, smiling brightly. The other man is struck by how familiar that smile is as he moves closer, laying the sunflowers down beside the buttercups. “This was his favorite flower,” the man says quietly, smiling sadly at the picture of Kikwang with the widest smile on his face, caught in a laugh. “Oh, really? They’re mine too! Buttercups mean childishness you know,” AJ says happily. “Kikwang-sshi is a stranger to me but it’s thanks to him I can dance again,”
The man stands and gives AJ a look, “You’re the guy who got Kwang’s kidney?” he asks curiously as AJ nods enthusiastically. “Huh, look at that Kikwang-ah. Your kidney went to a dance maniac,” The man turns and holds out his hand to AJ, smiling, the sadness in his smile gone now. “I’m Dongwoon,” he says quietly, glancing at the grave before smiling fully. “Nice to meet you Dongwoon-sshi! Do you want to have some coffee? Maybe you could tell me about Kikwang-sshi?” Dongwoon nods. “I’d love to,” AJ laughs and skips ahead, singing happily despite being in a graveyard.
“I love you Lee Kikwang,” he murmurs, blinking back his tears as a red, black and silver butterfly flutters down onto his shoulder, its wings tickling Dongwoon’s cheek as it lands on his shoulder, feeling much like the kisses Kikwang used to smother him in. “Goodbye,” And he turns, leaving the graveyard as the butterfly dances above, joined by a dark green and brown colored butterfly.
.end