The switch of which Wichita
The plan initially was to drive from Denver to Wichita and spend the night at a Walmart parking lot. I was looking forward to a vagabond evening of interacting with Wichitans and watching some TV on my laptop in the car. I like how the evening ended up much better. I've been on the road now for 16 days. The first 12 days by design were composed of ever changing landscapes & people. It's a bit of a misnomer though to say I've been on the road for only 16 days, as truthfully I've been moving around really since late December, when I left my apartment in Berkeley. In the car the other day I was trying to remember where I've been and who I've been staying with. It goes something like this: 12/28-1/10 I was staying in Oakland by Lake Merritt, at the house of Janet whom implicitly agreed to have me housesit while she was in Mexico without ever having met. I have to thank Kate for that one. Staying at Janet's was like a Godsend, as the frantic pace of moving and ridding myself of excess stuff left me in a loopy delirious state. It was so nice to have a place to myself. Every night I ended up sitting by the fire. 1/10-1/19 Next I went to John and Loveleens, where a day after the inaguration, I was laid off while on my way to a 3 day "Life directions intensive" seminar in LA, which I was gifted. Perfect timing. 1/23-2/5 I stayed with Kate, a former roommate and person dearest to my heart. Everyone should know of Kate (in my opinion), she not only put up with my never decreasing mound of items, but made me feel so at home that I didn't want to leave. Being a couch surfer though, I have to honor the code and give people their space back, even when invited generously. 2/5-2/12 So I moved on to stay with the Stollers. 2.9 year old Arunima was stoked to have me there (we're best friends, you see), and I was equally as stoked to be with Scott & Anamika, two of the most incredible of people to whom my debt of gratitude has no limit. I mean it truly and fully when I say that as long as these three are within my inner sights, I know I am on my true path and cannot get lost. The next month I spent in India, first few days in Mumbai & Pune, then 10 days at the ashram, and the last 14 days in the Himalayas and North India. By the time I flew out I counted that 10 of the last 13 days in India I had to pack my (considerable) belongings and spend the night somewhere new. I figured this would be good training for times ahead, and so it was. Staying a few days here, a few days there is slightly luxurious compared to travelling and sleeping somewhere new nearly every day (in India!). Upon returning to the US I spent a night at Kate's, 3 with the Stollers, 3 with my brother in Mtn View, 2 at a Yoga retreat, a week at Eduardos (old college roommate) in SF, a week at my old house in Berkeley (where my dear friend Binal now lives) and just before hitting the road was contacted again by Janet and got to stay at her place my last two nights. Once again, Janet came through at a crucial time. Staying at her place was like coming full circle. Whew. That took long to write. I been around, and so looking ahead at the kind of pace I was setting, I decided ahead of time that I would spend about 5 days in Colorado taking it a bit easy. On Sunday I arrived in Denver and stayed with Aman, who is my Guru-Bhai (brother disciple). Aman is currently on assignment in the US and will be moving back to India in a few months most likely. He is truly the sweetest guy and I'm honored to be in the same Spiritual family as he. As it goes, Aman with the purest of hearts also enjoys a fine glass of scotch (single malt, of course). We had fun staying up late, and he had fun waking me early and whooping me in racquetball (to my defense, he had chai coursing through his veins, while I was taken at 6:30am from couch to court in under 60 seconds .. or something like that). I was also able to spend a couple of days in Boulder with one of my oldest friends Tim, who is studying at Naropa University. Tim is a contradiction in terms. A sensitive, gentle and thoughtful person, Tim likes to relax by cranking up some mind shattering death metal while talking in a backwards Vermont accent. It's always fun being with Tim. Was also able to see Jeremy, my college roommate and one of the friends I initially followed the path of awakening with. It's been near 4 years since we've seen each other, but we picked up right where we left off. Isn't it always that way with true friends? Jeremy also picked a winner that night, dining out in Aji on Pearl St. If you are ever in Boulder, do check out this restaurant of inspired & vibrant Latin cuisine. It's in Boulder that I had one of my first major hurdles of this journey. A casual call with a family member turned into an opportunity to put down my current efforts, sending in waves the message "You are not good enough. What you are doing is not good enough, and the way you are doing it is .. not good enough." This was not a major surprise coming from a family member, as this has been the basic message I've received since a very young age. I recognize now that this is really just a projection, and that my unconventional lifestyle and the principles behind it act as a threat to the 'established norm' of my family's mental organization. Their way of dealing with it is to consistenly discount and invalidate my authenticity. It's easier to see me as a child who acts as a blind follower (of anyone and anything), a child who has no independent experience and no true voice. This is much easier than recognizing the need for, and then doing the tremendous amount of inner work required to overcome the illusion of seperateness. I used to take these conversations very personally, and still do to a degree. I can see though how far I've come by how less angered I get when this gets thrown at me, and how quickly I can cool off and move on. Nonetheless, this was a test for me, and for a moment I teetered over the cliff's edge, looking into the chasm I've known so intimately through the years. A mist rises through this endless pit which beckons me to sleep, beckons me to dullness with the siren song which goes "I'm not good enough, I'm not good enough, why am I even trying? I should not even try. Why is this person trying? They should not even try. Let me settle in, settle into lazyness. Let me ignore, ignore all calls to serve, because I am not good enough anyway, and that's the way it will always be, it's the way it will always be, and that is truly me." But no. No more of that song playing in my head. No way. I know how that records plays out and it always ends in misery, in suffering. I choose what thoughts enter this mind, and I choose to remind myself constantly that I am an expression of the mystery of life. Daily in the inner cave carved out by meditation I experientially remind myself that truly I am Spirit condensed in matter, here to serve my Self in all and to dance with laughter and in-joy this play of light & shadow. This is why I am here, and I will not forget again. No way. Renewed and revived, I was ready to leave Denver this morning to a long drive ahead. Yes, even sleeping in a Walmart parking lot I can find joy, I can find freedom. I ended up getting a call from Pauline who lives in Wichita. A few years back Pauline went to meet Ammachi, the hugging saint. Sitting at a table in the cafeteria, a woman snaked her way along the aisle and sat next to Pauline. Immediately and repetitively Pauline heard an inner voice saying "This woman needs to come to Wichita. This woman needs to come to Wichita." Finally Pauline told her, and the woman's response was "Kansas? No way!" The next day, that same woman ended up on the way to Wichita and spent three months staying with Pauline. That woman was Danielle, whom I wrote about in my first journey post, about how we met in Israel 6 years ago, and how I stayed with her at the beggining of this journey. Danielle is ending up being a guardian angel for me. Thank you Danielle! So Pauline invited me warmly into her home. What a trip. You know what? Pauline told me about a sacred Rose oil she got from Amma about 10 years back. This is the exact same oil that was given to Amma by Christa, the incredible arometherapist I met in Santa Fe last week. What connections we live. Pauline has a magnificent collection of crystals in her house, and allowed me to fulfill a long standing desire of sitting in an infrared Sauna, which lives in her basement and which was an inspired purchase for her (inspired by Danielle). Pauline is also a practicing Sufi, so I was able to share with her some of the sacred Oud oil I received in New Mexico, which is a sacrament in the Sufi world. Sounds funny to say that we spent our evening sniffing each others wrists eh? And who would have thunk that Wichita Kansas is an emerging light center? I will definitely be back here again. Tomorrow Pauline offered me an acupuncture session, after which I will head to Texas, to the hometown of Mark, the heavy metal Kriya Yogi, and of Sara, an old friend who has had a profound impact on this life.