A VERY IMPORTANT VALENTINE'S DAY POST
Disclaimer: I understand there are many reasons why people choose not to participate in various holidays and respect that. This is not intended to convince people who don't celebrate Valentine's Day for whatever reason, but to present an idea of it that is inclusive IF people want to participate but feel that they are not "allowed" to.
SO, VALENTINE'S DAY. I HEAR A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T ENJOY IT.
That's cool. I mean, I don't enjoy all holidays. I don't celebrate the same holidays as a lot of people, either! And I totally get that most holidays have really problematic aspects to them.
But I love Valentine's Day. And here is why!
I was pretty lucky as a kid in a lot of ways. One of these ways is that for the most part my family was a good family, and they loved me, and a lot of the things my parents did and taught me when I was small have affected how I see things now as an adult. I guess Valentine's Day is one of those things.
When I was a kid, Valentine's Day was never about just romantic love or sexual love, at all! For as long as I can remember, my dad would hide little notes and chocolates around the house for me and my mother to find. In the morning we all opened cards from everyone, my parents and my grandparents both. My grandfather always sent us chocolate. I realize that I was and am really privileged to be a part of a family who is able to do that kind of thing, and I think the main idea that I took away from it was: this day is about love.
It's not about an exclusive kind of love that huge swathes of people are left out of because they don't somehow qualify as being allowed to celebrate. It isn't about the people who are dating or married one person. It's about everyone. It's about me, and you, and the people who care about and support and love all of us.
I realize I am somewhat... unusually keen on Valentine's Day (possibly this is an understatement)! I don't ever expect everyone else or even most other people to be as excited about it as I am, or excited about it in the same ways I am! That would be silly. But I think we get sold this idea of the holiday that is extremely narrow and leaves many, many people feeling left out and upset, and I think that there are ways to think about it which solve that problem.
So yeah, we all know the most common Valentine's Day narrative: it is for young heterosexual couples who are in love and having sex! To ply each other with overpriced gifts! Buy your ladyfriend a diamond and she'll put out! Etc, etc. I absolutely think that the gender-essentialist and heterosexist undertones we're commonly presented with are harmful (and stupid). And I absolutely understand the resentment a lot of people feel towards a lot of the commercialism of the holiday, for sure.
But! I don't quite understand rejecting the entire day and dwelling in bitterness because of it! Many, many potentially enjoyable things are commercialized in problematic ways. There are still ways to enjoy them and buying into the packaged and marketed and sold idea of what Valentine's Day SHOULD look like is only one of the near-infinite ways to participate.
It doesn't have to be about romance or your ~one twuu heterosexual lurrv partner~! In fact, I reject that idea. If that idea was sitting next to me in a James Bond car, I would hit the seat eject button so hard that that idea would be launched into space. NO LIE.
Heterosexual romantic love does not have a monopoly on love.
There are infinite kinds of love and caring and support and relationships humans can and do have with one another. They are ALL valuable and they are ALL worth celebrating.
For me it was about my family, and then later about my friends - the people in my life who I love and care about and who love and care about me. For me, this day is about remembering and appreciating the people in my life and trying to do something to show them that they are appreciated. Does that mean it can't be about romance or sex or couples? Hell no! They can participate too! I am totally making my girlfriend a card covered in love hearts and glitter and sending her some heart-shaped cookies. I'm also making those things for a lot of my friends who I am NOT dating and who I have no interest in dating! Because I love them, too. In different ways. But they are all just as important to me.
When I was working at Bivouac I made cards every year for all my co-workers. When I was a kid I used to draw them for my cats and then tape the cards to their litter boxes! Cats don't appreciate this, or know what Valentine's Day is, because they are cats. But your friends and family and co-workers and acquaintances and anyone who you care about who doesn't fit into those categories... they all do! Everyone likes to be appreciated, in whatever way you choose to show them you appreciate them.
One of the nicest things about spreading the Valentine's Day love outside the expected boundaries of "romantic partner" is that people don't expect it. Yeah, most of our media and society does perpetuate the idea that if you are not in a monogamous heterosexual romantic partnership of some kind you are a failure. So you know what I say? Fuck that! You're not a failure. And the other part to this post is: You're not "single".
Just because you don't have ~a date~ does not mean you are alone. Think about all the people in your life. You have people you love and care about and people who love and care about you! Whether they are your parent(s), or aunts or uncles, or grandparent(s), or friends, you have people in your life. If you are reading this, chances are *I* care about and love you, for one! :D And even though I only managed to send out about 20 cards this year, and there's more than 20 people who I want to reach out to and appreciate, I want everyone to know that I, or someone else in your life, loves you. Fuck anyone who tells you that they don't count because they're not your boyfriend or girlfriend. Fuck anyone who says that you shouldn't be able to participate in this holiday because you don't have the RIGHT kind of love.
All love is the right kind of love. This holiday is for you.
This entry was originally posted at http://pob.dreamwidth.org/263157.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
SO, VALENTINE'S DAY. I HEAR A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T ENJOY IT.
That's cool. I mean, I don't enjoy all holidays. I don't celebrate the same holidays as a lot of people, either! And I totally get that most holidays have really problematic aspects to them.
But I love Valentine's Day. And here is why!
I was pretty lucky as a kid in a lot of ways. One of these ways is that for the most part my family was a good family, and they loved me, and a lot of the things my parents did and taught me when I was small have affected how I see things now as an adult. I guess Valentine's Day is one of those things.
When I was a kid, Valentine's Day was never about just romantic love or sexual love, at all! For as long as I can remember, my dad would hide little notes and chocolates around the house for me and my mother to find. In the morning we all opened cards from everyone, my parents and my grandparents both. My grandfather always sent us chocolate. I realize that I was and am really privileged to be a part of a family who is able to do that kind of thing, and I think the main idea that I took away from it was: this day is about love.
It's not about an exclusive kind of love that huge swathes of people are left out of because they don't somehow qualify as being allowed to celebrate. It isn't about the people who are dating or married one person. It's about everyone. It's about me, and you, and the people who care about and support and love all of us.
I realize I am somewhat... unusually keen on Valentine's Day (possibly this is an understatement)! I don't ever expect everyone else or even most other people to be as excited about it as I am, or excited about it in the same ways I am! That would be silly. But I think we get sold this idea of the holiday that is extremely narrow and leaves many, many people feeling left out and upset, and I think that there are ways to think about it which solve that problem.
So yeah, we all know the most common Valentine's Day narrative: it is for young heterosexual couples who are in love and having sex! To ply each other with overpriced gifts! Buy your ladyfriend a diamond and she'll put out! Etc, etc. I absolutely think that the gender-essentialist and heterosexist undertones we're commonly presented with are harmful (and stupid). And I absolutely understand the resentment a lot of people feel towards a lot of the commercialism of the holiday, for sure.
But! I don't quite understand rejecting the entire day and dwelling in bitterness because of it! Many, many potentially enjoyable things are commercialized in problematic ways. There are still ways to enjoy them and buying into the packaged and marketed and sold idea of what Valentine's Day SHOULD look like is only one of the near-infinite ways to participate.
It doesn't have to be about romance or your ~one twuu heterosexual lurrv partner~! In fact, I reject that idea. If that idea was sitting next to me in a James Bond car, I would hit the seat eject button so hard that that idea would be launched into space. NO LIE.
Heterosexual romantic love does not have a monopoly on love.
There are infinite kinds of love and caring and support and relationships humans can and do have with one another. They are ALL valuable and they are ALL worth celebrating.
For me it was about my family, and then later about my friends - the people in my life who I love and care about and who love and care about me. For me, this day is about remembering and appreciating the people in my life and trying to do something to show them that they are appreciated. Does that mean it can't be about romance or sex or couples? Hell no! They can participate too! I am totally making my girlfriend a card covered in love hearts and glitter and sending her some heart-shaped cookies. I'm also making those things for a lot of my friends who I am NOT dating and who I have no interest in dating! Because I love them, too. In different ways. But they are all just as important to me.
When I was working at Bivouac I made cards every year for all my co-workers. When I was a kid I used to draw them for my cats and then tape the cards to their litter boxes! Cats don't appreciate this, or know what Valentine's Day is, because they are cats. But your friends and family and co-workers and acquaintances and anyone who you care about who doesn't fit into those categories... they all do! Everyone likes to be appreciated, in whatever way you choose to show them you appreciate them.
One of the nicest things about spreading the Valentine's Day love outside the expected boundaries of "romantic partner" is that people don't expect it. Yeah, most of our media and society does perpetuate the idea that if you are not in a monogamous heterosexual romantic partnership of some kind you are a failure. So you know what I say? Fuck that! You're not a failure. And the other part to this post is: You're not "single".
Just because you don't have ~a date~ does not mean you are alone. Think about all the people in your life. You have people you love and care about and people who love and care about you! Whether they are your parent(s), or aunts or uncles, or grandparent(s), or friends, you have people in your life. If you are reading this, chances are *I* care about and love you, for one! :D And even though I only managed to send out about 20 cards this year, and there's more than 20 people who I want to reach out to and appreciate, I want everyone to know that I, or someone else in your life, loves you. Fuck anyone who tells you that they don't count because they're not your boyfriend or girlfriend. Fuck anyone who says that you shouldn't be able to participate in this holiday because you don't have the RIGHT kind of love.
All love is the right kind of love. This holiday is for you.
This entry was originally posted at http://pob.dreamwidth.org/263157.html. Please comment there using OpenID.