can i interest you in some hanukkah
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you could do worse
UM... so hooray tonight is the "invite our one local Jew family member over and make them eat all of the things with us" night!!! It's a good night!!! It means dad is taping five layers of newspaper all over the entire kitchen so the latke grease doesn't get into the walls and floor!!!! 8DD
The most hilarious part about this holiday in our household is... well there's a lot but mostly it's that my mother is the only one who is at all organized or motivated to actually do thing relating to it and she is the only non-Jew in the house. If my father and I are left to our own devices, Hanukkah tends to go something like this:
My father: (watches tv)
Myself: (stares at a wall)
My father: Oh hey it's sundown
Myself: Oh.
My father: You know what we could do right now?
Myself: What?
My father: Light the candles.
Myself: Ohhhh, yeah.
(...)
Both: Eh.
This year my mother is also insisting on playing this horrific CD of ~all the modern Hanukkah songs~ that she picked up at like Kroger last year for a dollar OH GOD IT IS BY FAR THE WORST THING I HAVE EVER PUT INTO MY HEARING CANALS!!!!! FUCK. See this is the problem when your religion/culture never had a point in time during which your holidays were simply horrible drunken debauchery. You do not have any amazing medieval "LOOOLLLL HI ITS JESUS'S BIRTHDAY GIVE US SOME THINGS OR WE'LL TURN YOUR HOUSE INSIDE OUT" music!!! Am I ever jealous of Christians on that point, LET ME TELL YOU, INTERNET. Seriously !!! Maybe I will just have to attempt to single-handedly debauch some Jew holidays. Obviously that is a wonderful idea and could not possibly go wrong in any way.
But I mean listening to this CD is pretty fucking suffer-y and suffering is really necessary to the Jewish identity so perhaps that was their plan all along??????? IF SO THEY ARE DOING A VERY IMPRESSIVE JOB OF CEMENTING MY CULTURAL IDENTITY RIGHT NOW BELIEVE ME.
I was talking to Bees the other night about Western Society & Culture and their pervasive and unsettling obsession with the Greeks and going OH MY GAAAHD THEY WERE SO ADVANCED AND INVENTED EVERYTHING etc etc (come on you guys we all know the only reason you are insisting on identifying ith all those guys is because everyone who was in actual western Europe at that time was busy trying parts of animals to themselves, painting themselves blue, and running into trees) (this is a proven historic fact) even now when it is more than possible for everybody to know that, uh, EVERYBODY in EVERYWHERE was inventing all kinds of very impressive shit then ! Including, as Bees pointed out, int he case of HER people, like actual democracy! ("1/25th of the population gets a say in how things are run" is not actual democracy, The Greeks. No.)
And I was like, OH YEAH MAN NO ONE EVER GIVES MY PEOPLE CREDIT FOR ...
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ummmmm I guess inventing the concept of not simply saying "HAHA MY GODS CAN BEAT UP YOUR GODS" but actually going one step further and saying "dude not only is our god better than yours but yours DOES NOT EVEN EXIST" which is pretty impressive concept-wise when you think about it but probably not a very helpful concept to introduce to anyone in the long run all things considered.
More recently, though: humorous self-depreciation, and robots!!!! That might not sound like very much but without humorous self-depreciation and robots I would not be the human I am today, so, THANKS, JEWS, I APPRECIATE IT.
This icon is the most relevant one I own
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