The Small, (Un)Important Things That Pass Us [Oneshot]
Title: The Small, (Un)Important Things That Pass Us
Author: Ani
Genre: Angst
Rating: G
Pairings: broken!Yamajima, brief!Chiitaro, hinted!Ariyama
Summary: Small events can have great consequences...and not all are for the better.
Disclaimer: I don't own JE
Yuuto never meant for it to go this far. At first, it was just to sate the seeds of jealously he felt. He would give the other the cold shoulder for a while, but warm up to him again.
But that time was one time too much. Even Yuuto’s patience could only be tried so much before it snapped. He turned on his heels, yelling over his shoulders, “I’m not talking to you again, Yamada Ryosuke!”
And he didn’t. Not for a whole week. In the end, Yabu forced them to shake hands and apologize on the day of a magazine interview. But there was no conviction behind Yuuto’s ‘sorry’, no real intention behind his promise to talk to Yamada again.
Once he was done with the fake smiles for the cameras, the happy-go-lucky persona for the interview, he dropped the image and left the studio, ignoring Yamada as the older guy made plans to go skateboarding with Daiki over the weekend.
He began to call up Chinen and Keito more. Chinen made many attempts to ask about him and Yamada, but Keito always hushed him before turning to subject elsewhere. For that, Yuuto felt grateful and began to talk to Keito more. As a result, Chinen faded and it took him a while to realize the little boy was gravitating towards Ryutaro.
Before Keito could stop him, he pounced on the younger 7 member, asking him, when, where, how, and why. More than anything, it was to get his own mind off a certain other 7 member. Chinen, blushing furiously, gratefully ran away to Yamada when the older boy called him over for the NYC shoot.
For just a brief second, Yuuto’s eyes met Yamada’s. Between them swirled the years of laughter, crying, fights, making ups, and forgotten memories that simply made up the basis of their former friendship. Then Chinen catapulted into Yamada and pushed him out the room.
The contact broke and Yuuto did his best to forget the incident. But the look in Yamada’s eyes unnerved him, and he began to wonder, months later as he practiced on his drums, if his refusal to forgive the other boy had been too impulsive.
Yuuto didn’t try to delude himself when he saw Chinen all over Yamada. The prickly feeling he got, like ants were crawling all over his skin, he knew it was jealousy. He knew he regretted the day the he walked out on Yamada, without even bothering to listen to the older boy’s explanation.
But the time to patch up his mistakes was long past already. All he could do was live with the consequences of his actions to the best of his ability. As Chinen started up a hand game with Yamada, Yuuto’s mind was tranferred back to a time, that felt like forever ago, yet in reality was only a couple of years, when he last played the same game with the same person.
The door opened and Chinen’s hands faltered. “Ryu-chan!” he squealed happily before abandoning Yamada to himself.
Blinking slowly, Yuuto saw for the first time, how bright Chinen’s smile was as Ryutaro patted his head with an affection he had never seen before. Or rather, he had never noticed.
It stirred a deep emotion within him, one that he couldn’t find words to explain. It took him another few months, but finally, he figured it out what he was feeling: envy.
He was envious of the easy relation Chinen had with Ryutaro, the young innocence that bonded the two of them together, and the love they showed one another when they thought no one else was watching.
Why? Why were they able to find such happiness with each other, while he and Yamada just drifted further apart? How could Ryutaro just smile and play his DS with Chinen always hugging Yamada as though they were going out? Why couldn’t Yuuto do that?
“Chinen told me he loves me.” Ryutaro didn’t even look up from the DS. “Chii’s worried that if Yamada’s left alone, he’ll break. So he hangs out with him to keep him going.”
“Why aren’t you with him then?” Yuuto asked.
“Chii is barely holding him together. He asked me to stay away.”
“And you’re okay with that?”
Finally, Ryutaro raised his eyes. “I trust Chii. Which is more than what you did.”
“You don’t know what ha-!” Yuuto started furiously, but was interrupted by Ryutaro slamming his DS shut.
“Ryu-chan?” Turning, Yuuto saw Chinen come in, Yamada close behind. The little boy’s eyes flickered between Yuuto and Ryutaro, questioning. Yamada took care to avoid Yuuto’s eyes.
“Let’s go, Chii.” With that, Ryutaro took Chinen’s hand and left.
For the first time in months, Yuuto found himself alone with Yamada. The silence between stretched and stretched, until it finally had to snap.
“H-hi.” Yuuto tried to smile, but it turned into more of a grimace.
Yamada stared at him blankly before returning a quiet, “Hey.”
“Well, I should go.” Hastily, Yuuto packed his belongings and quickly went out the door. He was half way to the train station before he realized he left his wallet behind. Grumbling, he turned around to go back.
He opened the door and was met with a heart-wrenching sight. Yamada was crying on Daiki's shoulder while the older boy patted his back gently and watched him with concern.
"S-sorry, Dai-chan." Yamada took the handkerchief Daiki and started dabbing his eyes with it. Yuuto got the sudden urge to run in and take the BEST member's place, but Yamada's next words stopped him. "I'm a-always troubling you like this...a-and making you worried..."
What? Yamada's cried to Daiki before? Since when!?
"It's no trouble." Yuuto's stomach lurched as Daiki took Yamada's hands and squeezed them reassuringly. "Don't keep everything bottled up inside, that just worries me more."
Yamada nodded his thanks and allowed Daiki to pull him into an intimate hug. Without drawing attention to himself, Yuuto whipped around to leave. He'd already forgotten his reason for returning.
His heart pounded heavily in his chest and he was surprised neither of his bandmates had heard the loud thumping. It ached as though a cavity had suddenly opened up, creating a chasm which tore it in two halves.
Yuuto spend too long ignoring Yamada's presence. By now, it had practically become second nature for him to look the other way when Yamada entered the room. His talks with him were automated; his answers to questions regarding Yamada were regurgitated replies of what he heard from other members.
As a result, he never noticed when Yamada quietly slipped out of the room with Daiki. He was unaware of the attention Daiki paid to Yamada during breaks and the weekends they scheduled to spend together, even when it was all happening right in front of him.
His greatest regret though, was his refusal to admit to himself that he was still in love with Yamada Ryosuke.
A/N: I secretly ship Ariyama. And I don't know why I keep breaking up Yamajima. They're too breakable. Plus, I thought it would be a good change from the usual Yamajima-is-broken-and-it's-Yamada's-fault-perspective.
Author: Ani
Genre: Angst
Rating: G
Pairings: broken!Yamajima, brief!Chiitaro, hinted!Ariyama
Summary: Small events can have great consequences...and not all are for the better.
Disclaimer: I don't own JE
Yuuto never meant for it to go this far. At first, it was just to sate the seeds of jealously he felt. He would give the other the cold shoulder for a while, but warm up to him again.
But that time was one time too much. Even Yuuto’s patience could only be tried so much before it snapped. He turned on his heels, yelling over his shoulders, “I’m not talking to you again, Yamada Ryosuke!”
And he didn’t. Not for a whole week. In the end, Yabu forced them to shake hands and apologize on the day of a magazine interview. But there was no conviction behind Yuuto’s ‘sorry’, no real intention behind his promise to talk to Yamada again.
Once he was done with the fake smiles for the cameras, the happy-go-lucky persona for the interview, he dropped the image and left the studio, ignoring Yamada as the older guy made plans to go skateboarding with Daiki over the weekend.
He began to call up Chinen and Keito more. Chinen made many attempts to ask about him and Yamada, but Keito always hushed him before turning to subject elsewhere. For that, Yuuto felt grateful and began to talk to Keito more. As a result, Chinen faded and it took him a while to realize the little boy was gravitating towards Ryutaro.
Before Keito could stop him, he pounced on the younger 7 member, asking him, when, where, how, and why. More than anything, it was to get his own mind off a certain other 7 member. Chinen, blushing furiously, gratefully ran away to Yamada when the older boy called him over for the NYC shoot.
For just a brief second, Yuuto’s eyes met Yamada’s. Between them swirled the years of laughter, crying, fights, making ups, and forgotten memories that simply made up the basis of their former friendship. Then Chinen catapulted into Yamada and pushed him out the room.
The contact broke and Yuuto did his best to forget the incident. But the look in Yamada’s eyes unnerved him, and he began to wonder, months later as he practiced on his drums, if his refusal to forgive the other boy had been too impulsive.
Yuuto didn’t try to delude himself when he saw Chinen all over Yamada. The prickly feeling he got, like ants were crawling all over his skin, he knew it was jealousy. He knew he regretted the day the he walked out on Yamada, without even bothering to listen to the older boy’s explanation.
But the time to patch up his mistakes was long past already. All he could do was live with the consequences of his actions to the best of his ability. As Chinen started up a hand game with Yamada, Yuuto’s mind was tranferred back to a time, that felt like forever ago, yet in reality was only a couple of years, when he last played the same game with the same person.
The door opened and Chinen’s hands faltered. “Ryu-chan!” he squealed happily before abandoning Yamada to himself.
Blinking slowly, Yuuto saw for the first time, how bright Chinen’s smile was as Ryutaro patted his head with an affection he had never seen before. Or rather, he had never noticed.
It stirred a deep emotion within him, one that he couldn’t find words to explain. It took him another few months, but finally, he figured it out what he was feeling: envy.
He was envious of the easy relation Chinen had with Ryutaro, the young innocence that bonded the two of them together, and the love they showed one another when they thought no one else was watching.
Why? Why were they able to find such happiness with each other, while he and Yamada just drifted further apart? How could Ryutaro just smile and play his DS with Chinen always hugging Yamada as though they were going out? Why couldn’t Yuuto do that?
“Chinen told me he loves me.” Ryutaro didn’t even look up from the DS. “Chii’s worried that if Yamada’s left alone, he’ll break. So he hangs out with him to keep him going.”
“Why aren’t you with him then?” Yuuto asked.
“Chii is barely holding him together. He asked me to stay away.”
“And you’re okay with that?”
Finally, Ryutaro raised his eyes. “I trust Chii. Which is more than what you did.”
“You don’t know what ha-!” Yuuto started furiously, but was interrupted by Ryutaro slamming his DS shut.
“Ryu-chan?” Turning, Yuuto saw Chinen come in, Yamada close behind. The little boy’s eyes flickered between Yuuto and Ryutaro, questioning. Yamada took care to avoid Yuuto’s eyes.
“Let’s go, Chii.” With that, Ryutaro took Chinen’s hand and left.
For the first time in months, Yuuto found himself alone with Yamada. The silence between stretched and stretched, until it finally had to snap.
“H-hi.” Yuuto tried to smile, but it turned into more of a grimace.
Yamada stared at him blankly before returning a quiet, “Hey.”
“Well, I should go.” Hastily, Yuuto packed his belongings and quickly went out the door. He was half way to the train station before he realized he left his wallet behind. Grumbling, he turned around to go back.
He opened the door and was met with a heart-wrenching sight. Yamada was crying on Daiki's shoulder while the older boy patted his back gently and watched him with concern.
"S-sorry, Dai-chan." Yamada took the handkerchief Daiki and started dabbing his eyes with it. Yuuto got the sudden urge to run in and take the BEST member's place, but Yamada's next words stopped him. "I'm a-always troubling you like this...a-and making you worried..."
What? Yamada's cried to Daiki before? Since when!?
"It's no trouble." Yuuto's stomach lurched as Daiki took Yamada's hands and squeezed them reassuringly. "Don't keep everything bottled up inside, that just worries me more."
Yamada nodded his thanks and allowed Daiki to pull him into an intimate hug. Without drawing attention to himself, Yuuto whipped around to leave. He'd already forgotten his reason for returning.
His heart pounded heavily in his chest and he was surprised neither of his bandmates had heard the loud thumping. It ached as though a cavity had suddenly opened up, creating a chasm which tore it in two halves.
Yuuto spend too long ignoring Yamada's presence. By now, it had practically become second nature for him to look the other way when Yamada entered the room. His talks with him were automated; his answers to questions regarding Yamada were regurgitated replies of what he heard from other members.
As a result, he never noticed when Yamada quietly slipped out of the room with Daiki. He was unaware of the attention Daiki paid to Yamada during breaks and the weekends they scheduled to spend together, even when it was all happening right in front of him.
His greatest regret though, was his refusal to admit to himself that he was still in love with Yamada Ryosuke.
A/N: I secretly ship Ariyama. And I don't know why I keep breaking up Yamajima. They're too breakable. Plus, I thought it would be a good change from the usual Yamajima-is-broken-and-it's-Yamada's-fault-perspective.