TM Challenge: A Good Spy?
The camera flicks on. With the backdrop of the Command Centre more obvious than usual, Captain Hammer smiles back at his audience. He's wearing a tuxedo, the bow tie loose, as if he's just stopped midway through something very important involving a leggy blonde, Champagne, and a bucket of ice. Naturally, he looks incredibly at ease, and unusually fantastic, even for him.
Well, can't a man have a little fun every once in a while? It's nice not to have to talk about something horribly unpleasant...
"Ah, there you are. Such a pleasure to see you all again. And you'll be glad, too, because tonight one of my adoring fans has provided a little question that I just know you'll love the answer to. Miss_Bond_2008 writes: "Would you make a good spy? Why or why not?" Good one, there! We really do need more of these entertaining questions."
As opposed to the awkward ones. And perhaps that tiny, tiny flicker of a glare is meant for his therapist. Who knows? He'd never admit it either way.
"Well, now, that question requires a more complex answer than you might think. As an undercover spy, I'm clearly not the best choice. Everyone knows who I am. The moment I walked through the casino door or stepped out of my Aston Martin, everyone would realise what was going on. I might still get the job done, but it wouldn't really be *spying* per se, would it? M would totally dig my skills, but there wouldn't be much point sending me in secret. My legions of fans would likely get to wherever I was going before I did, and much as I love you all, it does make aiming the rear-view missiles out of the Aston just that extra bit trickier."
"But let's imagine, for the moment, that this is somehow not an issue and concentrate on the rest of it. In such a case, well, of course I would make a good spy! I have all the necessary characteristics - physical finesse, dashing good looks, a wide variety of fast vehicles, and an insatiable desire... to see justice done."
He smirks a little at that, pleased at his deliberate pause. So effective. So easy.
"Every skill a spy needs, I have in abundance. I can defuse any kind of bomb as yet designed. I play poker with a handicap to give other people a chance. I can also break down doors with nothing but my fists, which will save time during the inevitable base-storming finale. No need to waste precious moments looking for keycards or finding the person with the crucial fingerprint when I can just kick the door in and throttle whatever evil awaits me on the other side."
"Seems to me, in fact, that being a spy is a lot like being a hero. Dangerous, awesome, and universally rewarding. And let us not forget the honour of defending one's city and country. So yes, Miss_Bond_2008, I would make a good spy. After all... I make a great hero."
Well, can't a man have a little fun every once in a while? It's nice not to have to talk about something horribly unpleasant...
"Ah, there you are. Such a pleasure to see you all again. And you'll be glad, too, because tonight one of my adoring fans has provided a little question that I just know you'll love the answer to. Miss_Bond_2008 writes: "Would you make a good spy? Why or why not?" Good one, there! We really do need more of these entertaining questions."
As opposed to the awkward ones. And perhaps that tiny, tiny flicker of a glare is meant for his therapist. Who knows? He'd never admit it either way.
"Well, now, that question requires a more complex answer than you might think. As an undercover spy, I'm clearly not the best choice. Everyone knows who I am. The moment I walked through the casino door or stepped out of my Aston Martin, everyone would realise what was going on. I might still get the job done, but it wouldn't really be *spying* per se, would it? M would totally dig my skills, but there wouldn't be much point sending me in secret. My legions of fans would likely get to wherever I was going before I did, and much as I love you all, it does make aiming the rear-view missiles out of the Aston just that extra bit trickier."
"But let's imagine, for the moment, that this is somehow not an issue and concentrate on the rest of it. In such a case, well, of course I would make a good spy! I have all the necessary characteristics - physical finesse, dashing good looks, a wide variety of fast vehicles, and an insatiable desire... to see justice done."
He smirks a little at that, pleased at his deliberate pause. So effective. So easy.
"Every skill a spy needs, I have in abundance. I can defuse any kind of bomb as yet designed. I play poker with a handicap to give other people a chance. I can also break down doors with nothing but my fists, which will save time during the inevitable base-storming finale. No need to waste precious moments looking for keycards or finding the person with the crucial fingerprint when I can just kick the door in and throttle whatever evil awaits me on the other side."
"Seems to me, in fact, that being a spy is a lot like being a hero. Dangerous, awesome, and universally rewarding. And let us not forget the honour of defending one's city and country. So yes, Miss_Bond_2008, I would make a good spy. After all... I make a great hero."