Pre-release of Ongoing Angst Episode
All in all, I consider that I have enjoyed led experienced a life fairly devoid of the soul-wrenching drama that I understand is often either concurrent or synonymous with the teenage years.
About a week ago however, I found myself beginning to write an exchange between myself and the forces of forced maturity (at least in the biological sense). The dialogue developed into a rather complex discussion, which I have been adding to most nights. Obviously, it is quite lengthy, so I will not post the entire thing here. What I will post will likely end up too long for an uncut entry. This means that most who read this post will skip over the cut entry, which is understandable considering the topic may not be of interest to many and it will take some time to read. This in turn gives me some freedom in the writing, as it is easier to speak of an uncomfortable subject to a small audience (one that is made smaller by both my ridiculously verbose introduction and the length of the article that follows).
ME: (wistfully, to self; continuing a thought aloud) ...I just wish that I could--wait a sec! No I don't!
HORM: Yes you do.
ME: No I don't! That would be in conflict with my firmly held belief that sex should be something special shared by two people who love each other.
HORM: Look, there'll be plenty of time for all that later on. If you can't be a little more proactive, your belief will be only one of the things held firmly around here.
ME: (embarrassed) Shut up! I know it's lame, but--
HORM: --But you're going to sit on your ass and wait for things to change. Right. Sorry to break it to you, but we don't want to wait. Chastity is not a virtue we want to see around here much longer, understand?
ME: (getting angry) You can just sit down and shut up, OK?! I never invited you here! You can leave at any time.
HORM: As far as we're concerned, you can fuck your personal philosophy. It's probably the only action you'll be getting for a while.
ME: I don't need this! I don't need you! Get out!
HORM: But you do need us.
ME: I seem to remember getting along alright without you before.
HORM: Are you referring to when girls had cooties?
ME: Girls still have cooties, I just don't mind so much anymore. Cooties can be quite enjoyable.
CRITIC: A childish and embarrassing sentiment to broadcast. I can't believe you're doing this.
ME: Oh, hi Critic. How'd you get out of your box?
CRITIC: Uhm. You won't put me back.
ME: Ah, but I will Critic. I have enough confidence these days to put you back in your place, which is your box. If you have anything constructive to add, which I doubt, I'll be sure to do it for you. Back you go!
CRITIC: (being stuffed into a box) OW! You angsty little pervert!
ME: Sorry about that Hormones. Where were we?
HORM: You were saying that you didn't need us anymore, and then you told that Critic monstrosity--
ME: --Yes, it is rather unsavory isn't it?
HORM: --You told it that you had confidence these days. Why do you think that is?
ME: Let's see, I'd say that it was mainly...
HORM: It was us.
ME: No it wasn't.
HORM: It was. Look, two years ago you were a hyperactive geek who practically lived in his room when you weren't playing D&D. You froze like a deer in headlights whenever any halfway attractive girl so much as spoke to you.
ME: Maybe, but that was two years ago.
HORM: And last year you were still--
ME: --Look, this is stupid. Of course I remember last year. I was there after all. Besides, people grow. They change.
HORM: So were we, and we grew with you.
ME: Oh.
HORM: That's our point. We are a part of you.
ME: So is Critic, but lately he's been a bit box-shaped. Should I go look for another box now or will you guys sit quiet until I find one? I won't have people complaining I'm unfair, so I'll let you out sometimes. You won't be able to do any more thinking for me though.
HORM: Won't work. Confidence beats the Critic, but only time can beat us, and when it does, you'll wish it hadn't.
ME: (Sighs) So I hear.
HORM: Where we we before you got all philosophic on us?
ME: (Sighs)
For those who want to know the basic gist of the episode without reading all that stuff, it can basically be boiled down to this:
HORMONES say "Yes!"
JAMIE say "Wait, what?"
Tune in soon for Jamie's dissertation on the nature of Pity, and why it sucks.
About a week ago however, I found myself beginning to write an exchange between myself and the forces of forced maturity (at least in the biological sense). The dialogue developed into a rather complex discussion, which I have been adding to most nights. Obviously, it is quite lengthy, so I will not post the entire thing here. What I will post will likely end up too long for an uncut entry. This means that most who read this post will skip over the cut entry, which is understandable considering the topic may not be of interest to many and it will take some time to read. This in turn gives me some freedom in the writing, as it is easier to speak of an uncomfortable subject to a small audience (one that is made smaller by both my ridiculously verbose introduction and the length of the article that follows).
ME: (wistfully, to self; continuing a thought aloud) ...I just wish that I could--wait a sec! No I don't!
HORM: Yes you do.
ME: No I don't! That would be in conflict with my firmly held belief that sex should be something special shared by two people who love each other.
HORM: Look, there'll be plenty of time for all that later on. If you can't be a little more proactive, your belief will be only one of the things held firmly around here.
ME: (embarrassed) Shut up! I know it's lame, but--
HORM: --But you're going to sit on your ass and wait for things to change. Right. Sorry to break it to you, but we don't want to wait. Chastity is not a virtue we want to see around here much longer, understand?
ME: (getting angry) You can just sit down and shut up, OK?! I never invited you here! You can leave at any time.
HORM: As far as we're concerned, you can fuck your personal philosophy. It's probably the only action you'll be getting for a while.
ME: I don't need this! I don't need you! Get out!
HORM: But you do need us.
ME: I seem to remember getting along alright without you before.
HORM: Are you referring to when girls had cooties?
ME: Girls still have cooties, I just don't mind so much anymore. Cooties can be quite enjoyable.
CRITIC: A childish and embarrassing sentiment to broadcast. I can't believe you're doing this.
ME: Oh, hi Critic. How'd you get out of your box?
CRITIC: Uhm. You won't put me back.
ME: Ah, but I will Critic. I have enough confidence these days to put you back in your place, which is your box. If you have anything constructive to add, which I doubt, I'll be sure to do it for you. Back you go!
CRITIC: (being stuffed into a box) OW! You angsty little pervert!
ME: Sorry about that Hormones. Where were we?
HORM: You were saying that you didn't need us anymore, and then you told that Critic monstrosity--
ME: --Yes, it is rather unsavory isn't it?
HORM: --You told it that you had confidence these days. Why do you think that is?
ME: Let's see, I'd say that it was mainly...
HORM: It was us.
ME: No it wasn't.
HORM: It was. Look, two years ago you were a hyperactive geek who practically lived in his room when you weren't playing D&D. You froze like a deer in headlights whenever any halfway attractive girl so much as spoke to you.
ME: Maybe, but that was two years ago.
HORM: And last year you were still--
ME: --Look, this is stupid. Of course I remember last year. I was there after all. Besides, people grow. They change.
HORM: So were we, and we grew with you.
ME: Oh.
HORM: That's our point. We are a part of you.
ME: So is Critic, but lately he's been a bit box-shaped. Should I go look for another box now or will you guys sit quiet until I find one? I won't have people complaining I'm unfair, so I'll let you out sometimes. You won't be able to do any more thinking for me though.
HORM: Won't work. Confidence beats the Critic, but only time can beat us, and when it does, you'll wish it hadn't.
ME: (Sighs) So I hear.
HORM: Where we we before you got all philosophic on us?
ME: (Sighs)
For those who want to know the basic gist of the episode without reading all that stuff, it can basically be boiled down to this:
HORMONES say "Yes!"
JAMIE say "Wait, what?"
Tune in soon for Jamie's dissertation on the nature of Pity, and why it sucks.