whassssssssssssssssssssssssssupppppppp?
i feel like those damn budweiser frogs. how yall doing family? i know, i know it's been a minute. and no i didn't fall off a cliff, crash against the river bank, drown in the rapids and have my body wash up on a deserted island. i just simply had a lot of shit happening at one time. i feel like a 1000% different person, and no there is no typo. i really feel 1000% different. i mean i still love cupcakes, still love sex, and still do crazy shit, but there is just this feeling i got that i can shake loose. and i don't really want to shake it loose.
what feeling you may ask? just a feeling of complete and total blessings. i just feel so blessed right now. my life just feels so different. and no, as much as i'd like to say i've turned into a church hermit. it's not that, it's just the relationship and the gratitude i got for God right now is just amazing. i'd like to say i've always felt this way. because to say i haven't is to say i wasn't giving my all to God. but i belieive at times you just block your blessings. you block your messages. and you don't completely just say and mean all i am is because of you. you might say it in your heart, but your mind is often wondering why you go through things and why things always happen to you.
i've been spending a lot of time working. working a lot harder than usual, but i'm working smarter now. you always make mistakes, always have things your regret. and i always complain and talk about what i do like it's a burden and i'm not getting what i want out of it. but now i'm just enjoying what i do for the reasons that i do it. and that's simply because i love it. i love music, and i think i'd die without it in my life. i'm not tripping about notoriety, not even tripping about the money (cause it's quite lovely..i may say). i'm just happy to have a job doing what i do and loving what i do.
aside from that i'm in love with a person who trumps anyone i've ever THOUGHT..i loved. i mean just look at my last post before my extended vacation..lol i was hurt off that. i was fading off that. i was slipping back into that. and for what? i think the reason people are unhappy is because they allow themselves to be unhappy. they allow themsleves to continue to bring themselves down, continue to live their life based on a thought or a feeling they thought they could have or would have. the truth is that's not reality. no matter how hurt i may think i was. that's some ol' garbage shit that at this point i don't ever see revisiting again. i almost lost out on the best thing in my life because i THOUGHT..i had already lost. love is the greatest feeling in the world. and i'm so in love right now my body is floating from this high. that's not only my soulmate that's my bestfriend. that's my everything and the funny thing is i knew it from the minute i met her. damn...yall just don't know how much i love her. not even words to describe it.
but anyway i wasn't intending on making this a long post, wasn't intending on saying all i said. this aint even my mind typing right now just what's on my heart. i hope all of yall are doing good. i hope all of yall had a great 2005, and i wish nothing but blessings for 2006. i'ma try to get back to Lj'in more often. umm...missed yall..would say i was gonna go back and read your journals ..but we all know that's would be a lie. that's a whole lotta reading. i might just browse but going back would be like reading a highschool history book (never-ending).
oh and after this it's friends only. think i'ma start getting a bit more personal. so the one's who don't friend me cause most of my post are open...books closed. not saying i'm not adding. just saying gotta be a friend for the benefits.