on the verge....
of a nervous breakdown. i swear ppl make me sick sometimes. not just people. my family makes me sick sometimes.
yea i'm still here. decided since i was here i might as well stay here till the holiday was over. bad decision on my part. been nothing but BULLshit the entire time. don't know why it's either one extreme or another. i'm either...very happy...or very distraught. i wont say very sad or depressed, cause it normally doesn't last that long. and coming from someone who was really really depressed at one point it takes a lot more then a little shit to send me over the edge. so all that leaves me with is a bad taste in my mouth. i guess i try so hard to give, and it pisses me off that no one tries to meet me half way on shit.
issues.issues.issues. and the messed up thing is it's NEVER my issues. i always deal with everyone else's issues. just tired of that shit. i'm tired of being the nice guy, and having folks treat me any kinda way. i mean cause i can be a bitch too. i can be mean, i can be spiteful, i can be annoying, i can be a jerk, asshole..whatever. but it a certain way you conduct yourself, and i try to restrain myself. try not to talk to my mama any kinda way. try not to give my grandma the evil eye and curse her out cause sometimes YES..sometimes..no matter how old you are, what condition you are in...you too..yes you too can be a BITCH. try to sacrifice shit i don't feel like sacrificing to make other's happy. and constantly feeling like i've done someone wrong if I don't give them what they want. i'm mr. "can't say no" to shit.
it's a point where i'm in the "fcuk it" state of mind. you mad at me.."fcuk it" & "fcuk you". you acting funny towards me.."fcuk it" & "fcuk u". i'm just tired of selfish people. tired of people who think the world revolves only around them...and for their world to keep spinning you have to go out your way to make them happy. no it's not all directed at my mom. it's not all directed at just my family. it's just the point i'm at. the "i've had enough...okay now i'ma act like you" point. and in my heart i feel like i shouldn't let ppl do that to me. that little voice is saying, "chill out, breathe, things are gonna be fine". and i do feel that way, cause my whole life motto is, "shit could be worse". that's how i stop from being down, stop from being upset, and keep a positive attitude. but still it's the sense of helplessness. the sense of knowing someone is taken advantage over you and you just let them.
yea i'm still here. decided since i was here i might as well stay here till the holiday was over. bad decision on my part. been nothing but BULLshit the entire time. don't know why it's either one extreme or another. i'm either...very happy...or very distraught. i wont say very sad or depressed, cause it normally doesn't last that long. and coming from someone who was really really depressed at one point it takes a lot more then a little shit to send me over the edge. so all that leaves me with is a bad taste in my mouth. i guess i try so hard to give, and it pisses me off that no one tries to meet me half way on shit.
issues.issues.issues. and the messed up thing is it's NEVER my issues. i always deal with everyone else's issues. just tired of that shit. i'm tired of being the nice guy, and having folks treat me any kinda way. i mean cause i can be a bitch too. i can be mean, i can be spiteful, i can be annoying, i can be a jerk, asshole..whatever. but it a certain way you conduct yourself, and i try to restrain myself. try not to talk to my mama any kinda way. try not to give my grandma the evil eye and curse her out cause sometimes YES..sometimes..no matter how old you are, what condition you are in...you too..yes you too can be a BITCH. try to sacrifice shit i don't feel like sacrificing to make other's happy. and constantly feeling like i've done someone wrong if I don't give them what they want. i'm mr. "can't say no" to shit.
it's a point where i'm in the "fcuk it" state of mind. you mad at me.."fcuk it" & "fcuk you". you acting funny towards me.."fcuk it" & "fcuk u". i'm just tired of selfish people. tired of people who think the world revolves only around them...and for their world to keep spinning you have to go out your way to make them happy. no it's not all directed at my mom. it's not all directed at just my family. it's just the point i'm at. the "i've had enough...okay now i'ma act like you" point. and in my heart i feel like i shouldn't let ppl do that to me. that little voice is saying, "chill out, breathe, things are gonna be fine". and i do feel that way, cause my whole life motto is, "shit could be worse". that's how i stop from being down, stop from being upset, and keep a positive attitude. but still it's the sense of helplessness. the sense of knowing someone is taken advantage over you and you just let them.