ah, life
so the predicted meltdown arrived earlier than expected. huzzah. tonight i realized that i have too much to do in the next week. i started to freak out because i realized that despite taking time off work, i've still managed to overcommit myself. the only commitment that i could cut out for this week was the post-thanksgiving tradition my mom and i have of going to san francisco. as much as i enjoy the tradition, it would not only cause a ridiculous amount of driving all over the bay area, but eat up an entire day, at least a few hours of which i could spend working. i got all worked up over not wanting to disappoint anyone; but i knew what i had to do, so i called my mom and told her that i just couldn't go, we could go to the city another time, but i'm just too swamped with my thesis, grad school applications and work. she sounded very concerned, and told me it was all right, which was exactly what i needed to hear. and then she went on to say that i knew that these deadlines were coming, and why hadn't i prepared more ahead of time, and was i going to be able to get everything done. all in that same, nice concerned voice. but it was exactly what i didn't need to hear. ugh. the worst part is, even though i am super stressed about my thesis, i've been really proud of myself and how hard i've worked this semester. sure, i probably take more time relaxing than i should, but i'm at nearly the same place as everyone else in the class, and none of them are applying to grad school. i'm a chronic procrastinator, so any progress ahead of the last second is major progress for me. so, emotional meltdown, check. here's to the holidays.