Some flopping, and a few helpful reminders-to-self:
I feel like I'm too old (in terms of where I should be in the progression of my psychological development, not physicality) to still be floundering over the task of figuring myself out.
But whenever I have these feelings I stop, and then try to remind myself that those phantom people (those idols of perfection) that I'm comparing myself to don't actually exist.
Everyone develops at their own pace. I can't begrudge myself the pace at which my mind and personality are changing. I can't. To do so would be one of the most dangerous forms of self-hatred and self-denial. And I need to remember that.
I just.
Regardless of how other people might judge my progress, I need to go easy on myself. Love myself.
I need to be calm, and breathe.
I am not running out of time to be a worthwhile person. I already am a worthwhile person.
Important things to remember when you feel sad, unworthy or stupid:
1. The person I am under everything I pretended to be is starting to emerge. She's tender and untried, but I think I need to stop and be happy that she's -I am- beginning to show herself (myself) in this way, period. I don't know what's going to happen next, but that this happened at all means that I've taken the first step.
2. When your problems and expectations belong to you and only you, you get the awesome power to do something about them. That might be scary, but it affords you a new kind of strength that you aren't used to (and that might just change everything for you).
3. What you're transitioning from is all-encompassing self-hatred without even a hint of denial, to a healthier, more loving form of emotionality. Of course that's going to be hard. For 10+ years, you haven't known how to do anything but hate yourself and pretend you were something you weren't. Learning to do the opposite is, like anything else worth doing, going to take practice. Don't despair; There may be relapses here and there, but the change will happen.
4. It's never too late. Ever.
5. First and foremost: self-acceptance. Everything else after that, and it doesn't matter who does, or doesn't understand it.
6. The people who don't understand don't matter; They're wrong.
7. Failing is granting yourself the knowledge of how to proceed more intelligently next time.
8. Don't worry about what you letting you be yourself means you aren't. Think of everything it means you get to be. Get fucking hyped! After all, you get to be you!! And that is fucking cool.
9. ♥, self.
10. Your life, is your life, gotta live like, it's your life
Questions to ask:
1. What can I give the world? (What feels honest and right?)
yeah ok i feel a teensy bit better now
But whenever I have these feelings I stop, and then try to remind myself that those phantom people (those idols of perfection) that I'm comparing myself to don't actually exist.
Everyone develops at their own pace. I can't begrudge myself the pace at which my mind and personality are changing. I can't. To do so would be one of the most dangerous forms of self-hatred and self-denial. And I need to remember that.
I just.
Regardless of how other people might judge my progress, I need to go easy on myself. Love myself.
I need to be calm, and breathe.
I am not running out of time to be a worthwhile person. I already am a worthwhile person.
Important things to remember when you feel sad, unworthy or stupid:
1. The person I am under everything I pretended to be is starting to emerge. She's tender and untried, but I think I need to stop and be happy that she's -I am- beginning to show herself (myself) in this way, period. I don't know what's going to happen next, but that this happened at all means that I've taken the first step.
2. When your problems and expectations belong to you and only you, you get the awesome power to do something about them. That might be scary, but it affords you a new kind of strength that you aren't used to (and that might just change everything for you).
3. What you're transitioning from is all-encompassing self-hatred without even a hint of denial, to a healthier, more loving form of emotionality. Of course that's going to be hard. For 10+ years, you haven't known how to do anything but hate yourself and pretend you were something you weren't. Learning to do the opposite is, like anything else worth doing, going to take practice. Don't despair; There may be relapses here and there, but the change will happen.
4. It's never too late. Ever.
5. First and foremost: self-acceptance. Everything else after that, and it doesn't matter who does, or doesn't understand it.
6. The people who don't understand don't matter; They're wrong.
7. Failing is granting yourself the knowledge of how to proceed more intelligently next time.
8. Don't worry about what you letting you be yourself means you aren't. Think of everything it means you get to be. Get fucking hyped! After all, you get to be you!! And that is fucking cool.
9. ♥, self.
10. Your life, is your life, gotta live like, it's your life
Questions to ask:
1. What can I give the world? (What feels honest and right?)
yeah ok i feel a teensy bit better now