{fic} If You Love Me... 2/3
Dave stared at the door. What did he just do? What the fuck did he just say? He stood there, frozen, staring at the door, desperation and panic creeping into his chest, a sudden wetness in his eyes blurring his vision. But he continued staring, hoping the door would open. Hoping Kurt would come back. Hoping he’d be able to take it all back and make this right.
What the hell just happened?
He finally made his legs move, walking across the room and opening the door. Kurt’s car was gone, of course. He probably just wanted to drive around for a while, clear his head. He’d come back and they’d talk and things would be fine. Dave would apologize, easily, eagerly. He’d apologize and Kurt would forgive him and they’d promise never to fight over stupid video games or pizzas ever again. Dave would go to the wine tasting tomorrow and he’d like it. He’d fake a smile and he’d nod knowingly to the other guys who were drug there by their enthusiastic wine-loving girlfriends/boyfriends.
Did I just tell Kurt that I didn’t love him? Did I really just…say that…?
Panic and fear crept into his chest again. What if Kurt didn’t come back? What if he believed all the stupid nonsense Dave had shouted?
I’m sorry. I love you, please call me. Dave stared at the screen after sending his text message. He knew Kurt would have turned off his phone by now. That’s what Kurt does. But still, still he hoped he might get a response.
All Dave could do now was wait, maybe finish the Madden game he’d been playing and wait for Kurt to come back. He picked up the controller and stared at the buttons.
With you gone, I’ll finally be happy.
What the hell was that?! He knew he must be the biggest fucking douche in the world. He felt sick to his stomach as he reached down to turn off the game. Clean the house, a small voice urged in the back of his mind. Kurt loved it when he cleaned without being nagged. Great idea. It would kill some time and keep him calm until Kurt came back.
Two hours later, the apartment was fucking spotless and Kurt hadn’t returned yet. It was 2:30 on a Saturday afternoon. Where would Kurt go? What could he be doing? Shopping? They didn’t have a lot of money to satisfy Kurt’s love of expensive designer clothes, but the outlet mall in the next town was a definite plus. He was probably there. He’d come through the door, bags in hand, having spent way too much but Dave wouldn’t even complain. Kurt would make Dave wear some hideous cardigan to the wine tasting…he was probably buying it right this very minute and laughing about it. Dave let himself smile at the thought…he’d wear whatever Kurt bought for him. It didn’t matter, as long as Kurt came back.
I don’t love you. Maybe I never did.
This can’t be happening. It was after five and Kurt hadn’t come home yet. I’ve got to fix this and fix it good. Dave grabbed his keys and his phone and headed out the door. He drove to the grocery store, desperate to make things right.
Scallops. Kurt loved scallops. Dave didn’t cook often (not as often as he should, he admitted guiltily as he stood at the seafood counter) but Kurt liked this recipe. Candles. Gotta get candles. What was it about Kurt and his love of smelly candles? Dave stood in the candle section of the detergent aisle, sniffing every one. The white one, the red one, the pink one and the green one. Until his head hurt. Fuck it, I’ll get them all.
Flowers. Only a stupid moron who tells his boyfriend that he doesn’t love him and lets him walk out the door would forget to buy flowers. Right? So…the red ones, the pink ones, the pale yellow ones and the frilly stuff that goes with them. He looked at his cart and then back at the refrigerated wall of flowers wrapped in plastic. He grabbed three more of the red ones, the rest that they had. Dave was pretty sure you could never get too many flowers in this situation.
Last stop, the health and beauty aisle. Kurt’s favorite aisle, even at Kroger. The bathtub in their tiny apartment was microscopic but still, Kurt wouldn’t pass on the chance for a bubble bath if it was offered. More smelly stuff to decide on. Ok, the pink one definitely smells better. Dave was pretty sure their only bottle of lube was getting low. Might as well grab that…and he should probably pick up some of the flavored, tingly stuff they tried that once that Kurt really liked. Maybe some massage oil…fuck, when was the last time he offered to rub Kurt’s feet or his back? For christ sake, when was the last time he did anything to show Kurt how much he loved him?
Ice cream. Definitely getting ice cream. No way he could forget a pint of Kurt’s favorite flavor. And Dave wasn't even getting any for himself. This wasn't about moose tracks...this was about Kurt.
Ok, shopping was done. Dave glanced at his watch as he steered his cart towards the registers. Fuck. He was afraid Kurt might have come home while he was gone but at least that meant Kurt had come back. He raced through the checkout and sped back to the apartment.
Kurt’s car wasn’t there.
He unloaded the groceries and started on dinner. He set the candles around the small living room and put a few in the bedroom, trying to decide if he should light them or wait….finally deciding he should wait. He put the bubble bath next to the tub, catching a glimpse of himself in the bathroom mirror. Biggest fucking moron ever.
Dinner was done, sitting in a warm over. 8:35, still no Kurt. Ok, desperation time. He’d have to start calling their friends.
First up, Susan, who answered cheerfully. Fuck, cheerful was not a good sign that Kurt was there. Of course not because Susan had gone home for the weekend. Never mind, sorry to bother you. Next, Thomas. He and his flavor of the month had just broken up and he claimed to be getting ready to go clubbing. Thomas swore Kurt wasn’t there and although Dave was sure he knew where Thomas’ loyalties lie, he didn’t detect any deception. Ok, who’s next? Emily and Amanda? Did Dave even have their number? Shit, forget it. They were out of town at Emily’s brother’s wedding. Katrina? God, no. Dave knew Kurt would never be desperate enough to seek out Katrina’s help in a relationship crisis.
Think, idiot. Where would he go? All their friends were either out of town or busy or emotionally unavailable. Lima was a four hour drive. There’s no way he’d drive all the way home…is there?
Dave was struck again with desperation and panic but this time…a sickening guilt spread through him. No matter how many friends or supportive family members they had…the most important thing they had was each other. Kurt was the one Dave went to when he needed help, support, understanding. And Dave was the one Kurt turned to when he needed that little boost of encouragement or a sympathetic ear.
They had each other. But it had been a while since they’d reconnected, recharged, gotten away from everything and really took the time to just enjoy one another.
That’s what Kurt was trying to do with the wine tasting. And Dave had fucked it all up.
He picked up his phone again and sent another text. And another. Then another. He called and left a voicemail, then four more voicemails. He was crying during the last two. Three more text messages and it was after 1am when he fell asleep on the couch.
:^:^:^:^:^:^:^:
Kurt woke up with a start, disoriented, achy and cramped. He wiped the drool from his cheek and looked out his windshield at the pale sunlight coming through the trees. His neck was stiff and he was cold. He picked up his phone next to him to check the time. It was off. Oh yeah. I turned it off.
Katrina had been the last straw. She was too busy prattling on about her cruel professor and her unfair boss and her paranoid theory that everyone’s out to get her that she never even took a breath to ask why Kurt was standing on her porch at midnight. He made up some lame excuse about forgetting to turn off the stove and walked back to his car. He had already driven to Thomas’ house just in time to see him walk out his door and get in his car, obviously about to hit the clubs with the boywhore getup he was wearing. Everyone else was out of town and Kurt was feeling so lonely and so sad when he pulled his car into the deserted park and shut off his lights.
If you love me…you’ll go.
How stupid could he be? Nagging, bitching, pushing Dave too hard until he finally couldn’t take any more. Of course Dave had snapped. Who could blame him?
He glanced up at the hazy sunlight and wiped at his tears, then glanced down at his phone. He turned it on to check the time. 5:12am. Kurt tried to remember the last time he saw five o'clock in the morning. His phone started chirping. Five new voice messages. 18 text messages. Dear lord.
I’m sorry. I love you, please call me.
Kurt, I didn’t mean it. Please come home.
I can’t live without you, I’m stupid, I’m sorry.
I was wrong baby, I’ll go anywhere you want, I promise.
Kurt stopped scrolling and put his phone down. He started his car and wiped his eyes again and took a long ragged breath. He knew he shouldn’t try to listen to the voicemails if he was going to drive.
:^:^:^:^:^:^:^:
Dave woke up when he heard Kurt’s key turn in the lock. He sat up on the couch, wiping at the wrinkles on his cheek from the throw pillow he’d been laying against. He locked eyes with Kurt and stood slowly. Only two of the eight candles were still burning. Dinner sat on the table, cold and untouched. The bathwater had never even been started.
Kurt swallowed, taking in the candles and the bouquets of flowers sitting around the room. His red, swollen eyes went back to Dave and he could see the pain and fear in them. He placed his keys on the small table and shrugged off his jacket slowly, staring at the floor, sniffling quietly.
“I left you some messages.” Dave began quietly, unsure if Kurt was there to talk or…to pack. Panic suddenly returned as that thought slammed into his consciousness.
“I got them.” Kurt replied just as quietly. “Some of them.”
Dave took a hesitant step forward. He wanted to run to Kurt, grab him, hold him, never let him go, but he didn’t. He couldn’t…not until Kurt let him know it was ok. “Kurt, I’m sorry. I never should have said what I did. I was wrong. Of course I love you. I’ve always loved you, I could never--”
“It’s ok.” Kurt took a step forward as well, interrupting Dave’s apology. “I’m sorry too, I--”
“No, stop.” Dave stepped closer, almost closing the distance between them. “Please don’t say you’re sorry. Don’t make this about anything you did. It was all my fault. I was being so stupid and so stubborn and all you wanted was to spend time together and--”
Kurt reached up with his hand and pressed his fingers to Dave’s lips, hurt still filling his eyes. “Just…hold me.”
Dave surged forward, wrapping his arms around Kurt, enveloping him in a massive hug and nuzzling his face into Kurt’s hair, whispering “I love you…I love you so much…” into his neck.
Kurt pulled back after a long moment of just being held to look up into Dave’s eyes. “You bought me flowers?” A small smile tugged at the corners of Kurt’s lips.
“Yes. Flowers and candles and I cleaned and I made dinner and I bought bubble bath and massage oil and I wanted you to come home last night so I could show you, Kurt. So I could tell you and show you how sorry I really am and I wanted it to be perfect for you when you finally came home.”
Kurt let the pain dissolve from his features. He cupped Dave’s cheek with his hand and smiled slightly. “Well…I’m home.”
Dave leaned in, placing gentle kisses on Kurt’s forehead, cheeks and then finally, a chaste, light kiss on Kurt’s lips. “I want to show you, baby, how sorry I am. How much I love you.” He took Kurt’s hand and led him to the bathroom. “I have everything planned. You don’t have to do a thing, ok?” He turned on the faucet and let the bathtub fill with water and then turned back to Kurt, slowly undressing him. He placed delicate kisses across the newly exposed skin of his shoulders, his arms, his chest, whispering along the way how beautiful Kurt was and how much he loved him and needed him. He added the bubble bath and checked the temperature before holding Kurt’s hand and helping him step in.
Kurt sunk into the bubbles, inhaling the sweet aroma. “This is nice.” He purred as he slipped in lower, catching Dave’s eye as he kneeled beside the tub.
“This is only the beginning, I promise.”
Chapter 3 >>