(no subject)
the older im getting the younger i feel. i feel 2 feet tall. im sad, like i want to whimper like a dog with his tail between his legs, ashamed of the many mistakes ive made and cannot change. like lifes the couch that i just shit allllll over because it seemed like a good idea at the time.
so i sit in my room and listen to sad songs that make me contently miserable. im trapped in between the past and the future- and this is all that the present has become. like im trying to live in the now but i cant. im in the "get over it" and the "go back" mode and im torn. even though i have no choice.
theres no going back.
only forward.
i want to run away. i miss the days when running away to my swingset was good enough. because id make believe it was someplace else and i was someone else. maybe thats one part of my childhood id love to recover-- the wild imagination that could always bring me to someplace else.....that and the comfort in a best friend.
theres too many complications now. its so hard to trust and know that present day friends arent self-serving. childhood friendships were pure. there was the fighting and the screaming and the crying over toys during every play date but fuck it, you had the other half of the broken heart around your neck, it had to be the real thing if you had matching necklaces!
now i wear my broken heart on my sleeve.
so i sit in my room and listen to sad songs that make me contently miserable. im trapped in between the past and the future- and this is all that the present has become. like im trying to live in the now but i cant. im in the "get over it" and the "go back" mode and im torn. even though i have no choice.
theres no going back.
only forward.
i want to run away. i miss the days when running away to my swingset was good enough. because id make believe it was someplace else and i was someone else. maybe thats one part of my childhood id love to recover-- the wild imagination that could always bring me to someplace else.....that and the comfort in a best friend.
theres too many complications now. its so hard to trust and know that present day friends arent self-serving. childhood friendships were pure. there was the fighting and the screaming and the crying over toys during every play date but fuck it, you had the other half of the broken heart around your neck, it had to be the real thing if you had matching necklaces!
now i wear my broken heart on my sleeve.