Current situation: Almost fucked up. (UNCENSORED VERSION, taken from Myspace)
It's April 17, and 2:09 AM. I'm at a coffee shop writing this when I'm supposed to be studying for ochem. The midterm's the 26th anyway, so I think I shouldn't worry so much. Then again, that's not my only problem.
Rather, it's a long string of problems. Some big, some little, and one of these problems I can't even mention here. (I'll post my uncensored version on LJ or Xanga or something of that sort, ask me for the link) Anything to stay awake, I guess. Then again, I can't pull all-nighters. Hopefully, in spite of all this, I won't do anything stupid. Really.
So here we go (in no order of severity):
1. Roomate problems. I'm never at home, really. I'm always either at campus or at someone else's apartment. I tried to get to know them, really I did. That was during orientation week. For some reason, my roomates seem to be hermits, closing their doors all the time. One's social, but she closes the door. And she would always complain to me. At first it was nice. Mostly issues about the bathroom. Then she would write notes in places where everyone can see them. Too bad that the bathroom we share is also the bathroom that all the guests can use, because most of them are inaccessible. And she won't get to know me, that fucker. Also the other girl that's rooming with the nice of the landlady is also starting to be a real pain. Last time I heard, she was on Academic Probation. The girl who writes notes to me, to quote a friend of mine, is one of the prime examples of "azn bitch". Preppy, gangster girl who wears too much fucking makeup. It's become so bad that I don't even say "hi" to them anymore, let alone speak to them. When I leave, I'll write a little note to her and everyone else, saying good riddance.
2A. Laptop problems. For several weeks my laptop won't work. Windows won't start, even with the boot disk. Too bad that laptop hard drives are expensive, and my mom would throw a huge fit if I told her that my laptop wasn't exactly working. So every day I'm forced to go to MU/Olson/Shields/Internet Cafes to check e-mail/Facebook/Myspace/Livejournal/Anime news/do research.
2B. I'm forced to watch anime on Youtube, due to this reason. So far I've been able to watch Honey and Clover (inital typing: Hachikuro, which is its nickname, based on Hachimitsu to Clover) chapter L and the first episode of Suzumiya Haruhi. Ah, Suzumiya. She's such an interesting character. If I had the money I'd cosplay as her for Anime Expo. I'm trying to get back into my anime mood. Next up is NANA. Ah, I'm also reading the manga, and it seems to capture my interest (but still not to the extent as Fruits Basket or Honey and Clover). I've asked my friend to check it out for me, so hopefully we'll be able to watch it together. Then it'll probably be Ouran High School Host Club. What's up with me and these slice-of-life seinen/josei animes? I think since because I'm getting older, my tastes in anime have started to change.
3. I still don't have a summer internship. Those stupid people haven't responded to my e-mails yet. Damn it, I need money. Especially if I'm going to be considering Anime Expo and a roadtrip. At least I'll be taking classes.
4A. I used to have a really good friend. During winter quarter, we'd always hang out. Despite this, something happened that changed our relationship, and it was between her and another friend. We were supposed to room together for next year. She even gave me the security deposit. During finals week, I told her "sign the lease, otherwise I better start filling in for her". Because of the situation, I ignored her phone calls during spring break. (IM/msg me for the exact situation, but it involves a little physical and verbal exchange between the two parties). Then she meets me at Safeway. She won't sign the lease, and wants her deposit back. (which is $200 and some odd dollars). She even gave me legal notice to give it back in 10 days. I told her, "get it from the office". I don't think she will. My mom already gave me the money in order to pay her, but that's fucking $221! $221 doesn't come out of nowhere!
4B. My greatest source of anger is that I'm not able to tell her what I find fault in her. I think she's a selfish girl who wants her way all the time and is too pushy. I've helped her twice, and one of them resulted me in doing bad enough in one class. What has she done for me? Probably only help me and my boyfriend together, which was gonna happen anyway. She told me that she respected my opinion, but she also said that I needed to get my facts straight. She thinks her version of events is considered "correct". You know what? She needs to get her facts straight. The person who was truly victimized was me. She did fuel my friend's anger by not shutting up, and I hope that his reaction would give her a good old dose of "reality check". If she ever did take my friend to court I'd surely defend my friend, even though he might've dealt more physical damage (actually, the scar she inflicted on his face was pretty bad) and could've dealt with it in a less violent manner, what is a man gonna do when he feels threatened? Shut up about it?
Conclusion: We need to find another roomate ASAP.
5. UCSD still hasn't posted or sent me anything whether I am accepted as a transfer student for Fall of 2006. The window said "Mid-March to April 30." Well, it's April fucking 17th. I think if I got accepted, I would've been notified earlier. So now I'm stuck in this hellhole called Davis for 2-3 years. I've met some really great people, but most of them I could care less about. Everyone's so competitive, trying to get the best grade possible, and people will do anything. Hell, I still wonder why I'm a BIS98 tutor for Gerhart's BIS 1A class. Those kids will use me anyway (it's their job). I'll probably still type detailed outlines for their lectures, despite my own needs to study ochem and do research on slow food. Maybe tutoring isn't the job for me. I need friends who will accept me for what I am. Maybe being smart is both a gift and a curse. Just because I'm smart doesn't mean that I have feelings too. I'm sick and fucking tired of being stepped on.
6A. Lately my boyfriend hasn't been giving me enough "love". Either that or I'm not feeling it. I can tell he's still attracted to me, but what about the non-sexual romantic gestures? He doesn't kiss me. He doesn't say "I love you" as much. Hell, he hasn't even taken the initiative to call me and ask me to hang out with me. I mean, a kiss, an "I love you", a gesture such as putting your arms around me means *so much* to me. It shows me that you love me not just as an attractive person, you care about my well-being. I'm a busy person too, but I put some time in my day to call him, just to say hi.
6B. Please let there be a conversation sometime that will allow us to laugh. I want to see him smile at me for the things that we talk about. If he can smile at his other friends, why can't he smile at me? I could use a little dose of laughter myself.
6C. I'm also concerned about his well-being too. He's gained a lot of weight and has high blood pressure (so that won't allow me to bring him food). He needs to do well in school, specifically engineering classes. He's had quite a few bad grades in those classes. Engineering's tough, but I guess that's to be expected. I'm so powerless to help him too; I'm a (neuroscience) major, not a (mechanical) engineer! I think he's in academic probation and he won't tell me. I really try to let him concentrate. I keep my talks to only 5 minutes, and I see him once, not more than twice a week. I want to do something for him, but I also have my worries about where I stand with him. He won't even tell me what his exact future plans are, and the prospect of this relationship lasting past 4 years, he says, are slim. According to him, his and my plans will require major seperation. Unlike me, he's not gonna pursue any form of post-undergraduate schooling.
Rather, it's a long string of problems. Some big, some little, and one of these problems I can't even mention here. (I'll post my uncensored version on LJ or Xanga or something of that sort, ask me for the link) Anything to stay awake, I guess. Then again, I can't pull all-nighters. Hopefully, in spite of all this, I won't do anything stupid. Really.
So here we go (in no order of severity):
1. Roomate problems. I'm never at home, really. I'm always either at campus or at someone else's apartment. I tried to get to know them, really I did. That was during orientation week. For some reason, my roomates seem to be hermits, closing their doors all the time. One's social, but she closes the door. And she would always complain to me. At first it was nice. Mostly issues about the bathroom. Then she would write notes in places where everyone can see them. Too bad that the bathroom we share is also the bathroom that all the guests can use, because most of them are inaccessible. And she won't get to know me, that fucker. Also the other girl that's rooming with the nice of the landlady is also starting to be a real pain. Last time I heard, she was on Academic Probation. The girl who writes notes to me, to quote a friend of mine, is one of the prime examples of "azn bitch". Preppy, gangster girl who wears too much fucking makeup. It's become so bad that I don't even say "hi" to them anymore, let alone speak to them. When I leave, I'll write a little note to her and everyone else, saying good riddance.
2A. Laptop problems. For several weeks my laptop won't work. Windows won't start, even with the boot disk. Too bad that laptop hard drives are expensive, and my mom would throw a huge fit if I told her that my laptop wasn't exactly working. So every day I'm forced to go to MU/Olson/Shields/Internet Cafes to check e-mail/Facebook/Myspace/Livejournal/Anime news/do research.
2B. I'm forced to watch anime on Youtube, due to this reason. So far I've been able to watch Honey and Clover (inital typing: Hachikuro, which is its nickname, based on Hachimitsu to Clover) chapter L and the first episode of Suzumiya Haruhi. Ah, Suzumiya. She's such an interesting character. If I had the money I'd cosplay as her for Anime Expo. I'm trying to get back into my anime mood. Next up is NANA. Ah, I'm also reading the manga, and it seems to capture my interest (but still not to the extent as Fruits Basket or Honey and Clover). I've asked my friend to check it out for me, so hopefully we'll be able to watch it together. Then it'll probably be Ouran High School Host Club. What's up with me and these slice-of-life seinen/josei animes? I think since because I'm getting older, my tastes in anime have started to change.
3. I still don't have a summer internship. Those stupid people haven't responded to my e-mails yet. Damn it, I need money. Especially if I'm going to be considering Anime Expo and a roadtrip. At least I'll be taking classes.
4A. I used to have a really good friend. During winter quarter, we'd always hang out. Despite this, something happened that changed our relationship, and it was between her and another friend. We were supposed to room together for next year. She even gave me the security deposit. During finals week, I told her "sign the lease, otherwise I better start filling in for her". Because of the situation, I ignored her phone calls during spring break. (IM/msg me for the exact situation, but it involves a little physical and verbal exchange between the two parties). Then she meets me at Safeway. She won't sign the lease, and wants her deposit back. (which is $200 and some odd dollars). She even gave me legal notice to give it back in 10 days. I told her, "get it from the office". I don't think she will. My mom already gave me the money in order to pay her, but that's fucking $221! $221 doesn't come out of nowhere!
4B. My greatest source of anger is that I'm not able to tell her what I find fault in her. I think she's a selfish girl who wants her way all the time and is too pushy. I've helped her twice, and one of them resulted me in doing bad enough in one class. What has she done for me? Probably only help me and my boyfriend together, which was gonna happen anyway. She told me that she respected my opinion, but she also said that I needed to get my facts straight. She thinks her version of events is considered "correct". You know what? She needs to get her facts straight. The person who was truly victimized was me. She did fuel my friend's anger by not shutting up, and I hope that his reaction would give her a good old dose of "reality check". If she ever did take my friend to court I'd surely defend my friend, even though he might've dealt more physical damage (actually, the scar she inflicted on his face was pretty bad) and could've dealt with it in a less violent manner, what is a man gonna do when he feels threatened? Shut up about it?
Conclusion: We need to find another roomate ASAP.
5. UCSD still hasn't posted or sent me anything whether I am accepted as a transfer student for Fall of 2006. The window said "Mid-March to April 30." Well, it's April fucking 17th. I think if I got accepted, I would've been notified earlier. So now I'm stuck in this hellhole called Davis for 2-3 years. I've met some really great people, but most of them I could care less about. Everyone's so competitive, trying to get the best grade possible, and people will do anything. Hell, I still wonder why I'm a BIS98 tutor for Gerhart's BIS 1A class. Those kids will use me anyway (it's their job). I'll probably still type detailed outlines for their lectures, despite my own needs to study ochem and do research on slow food. Maybe tutoring isn't the job for me. I need friends who will accept me for what I am. Maybe being smart is both a gift and a curse. Just because I'm smart doesn't mean that I have feelings too. I'm sick and fucking tired of being stepped on.
6A. Lately my boyfriend hasn't been giving me enough "love". Either that or I'm not feeling it. I can tell he's still attracted to me, but what about the non-sexual romantic gestures? He doesn't kiss me. He doesn't say "I love you" as much. Hell, he hasn't even taken the initiative to call me and ask me to hang out with me. I mean, a kiss, an "I love you", a gesture such as putting your arms around me means *so much* to me. It shows me that you love me not just as an attractive person, you care about my well-being. I'm a busy person too, but I put some time in my day to call him, just to say hi.
6B. Please let there be a conversation sometime that will allow us to laugh. I want to see him smile at me for the things that we talk about. If he can smile at his other friends, why can't he smile at me? I could use a little dose of laughter myself.
6C. I'm also concerned about his well-being too. He's gained a lot of weight and has high blood pressure (so that won't allow me to bring him food). He needs to do well in school, specifically engineering classes. He's had quite a few bad grades in those classes. Engineering's tough, but I guess that's to be expected. I'm so powerless to help him too; I'm a (neuroscience) major, not a (mechanical) engineer! I think he's in academic probation and he won't tell me. I really try to let him concentrate. I keep my talks to only 5 minutes, and I see him once, not more than twice a week. I want to do something for him, but I also have my worries about where I stand with him. He won't even tell me what his exact future plans are, and the prospect of this relationship lasting past 4 years, he says, are slim. According to him, his and my plans will require major seperation. Unlike me, he's not gonna pursue any form of post-undergraduate schooling.