Mar 26, 2007 22:25
i notice that i keep writing more and more entries for some reason.
i want so much that i know i cant have.
I have the best group of friends now who i love so much. I use to only have camp friends who i hardly would see but now i have them and the amazing girls at school with me. But it seems like when i have the friends, i dont have the boyfriend. When i have the boyfriend, i dont have the friends. Its either one or the other for me, not both.
I'm talking to someone right now who probably knows me better then anyone besides family every could. Even though he has never been there physically, hes alwayas been there for me emotionally and has tried to help me. I look at the picture i have of us on my shelf and it makes me cry. It sucks how you could be so close to someone, give so much to someone and then just stop talking to them. I'm not blamin him for that and im not blaming myself. We just stopped talking. Its weird that someone who you have known for 6 years and met online could make that much of an impact in your life. It sucks tho that that picture is only allowed to renew itself every 2 years and thats it. I dont even know if i will ever see him again, now that he has his girlfriend, who is a jealous freak, and he doesnt work at the Park anymore its hard to try to see him. I know he wont go out of the way to come see me. If i go to UCF, hes the first person iwanna see up there. its weird to say that a part of me does still love him somehow
I want to be less shy. i want to talk to new people who look like people id get along with. i want to be able to stand up for myself and say what is on my mind. Sure i can do it online, who cant? But i wanna do it in person, i wanna be stronger in life.
i cant wait to go to Cali on Saturday, i'm gunna take tons of pictures.I feel bad tho that im missing Margaritas birthday.
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