Until I can escape again.....
My youngest daughter is doing better. She has been struggling with headaches since school started back up, I called her neurologist and he again, increased her medication... Never anything for the pain, just up the meds that never seem to work. She has a carepage where I can update on her condition for my family and friends, but never do I write the toll all of this is taking on me... That is what LJ is for. My oldest, has been having issues of her own lately. I got called Monday to pick her up from school she was not feeling well with a headache and nausea. That has since turned into Tuesday, and now Wednesday.... Part of me feels yes she does not feel well, part of me feels like she could have gone to school... and Part of me, is screaming ARE you FUCKING kidding me??????? Like don't I have ENOUGH on my plate? I spend so much of my time on the job. I work with severely mentally ill clients and substance abusers, which demand a lot of understanding and patience. I am only ONE person.... I just can't keep doing it all ALL of the time.... Honestly, people don't know what to say, hell, I live with all of this and I am sick of it all... I am learning that any long-term illness really takes a toll on everyone around you... Maybe that is how come I can have the tolerance and patience to deal with my clients... See I am one of "those people...." You know, the kind that MUST believe that everything happens for a reason in order to make any kind of sense out of the world. One that dares not temp the karma of the world, but must at least try to always do the right thing... I crave to get lost in the moment, and never look back.... But Reality is I am NOT that person... At times however, I do envy that person.... I just need to escape, vent, and rage against the Light.... So to speak..... Ah, but motherhood calls so back to the real world after all..... Until I can escape again....