(no subject)
Suddenly I feel so alone. Today is another day, or rather the conclusion of one. I sit here only minutes away from tommorrow, just thinking. Ive done so many things in my life that i regret, and i try and learn from them. but no matter what, when i think on my past i just feel guilty. I cant stop pondering the what-if synopsis. Ive changed my path so many times, and i never feel like ive set the right course for myself when im living in the moment, in the choices ive just made. Then when time passes i think back and remember that it wasnt as sour and bad of a choice, and usually by now ive given that option up. Sometimes i just want to go back and live out the other paths i could have taken. They showed so much hope and i just could not see it, and now ive thrown them away.
I suppose ur wondering why im writing this now, when everything is fine in my life. To tell you the truth i dont know. Its just the thoughts ive always had running through my mind, each time im givin a chance to stop and think. Times when im alone, driving, sitting unable to sleep, or just walking around not in converstation with anyone. And recently, id say in the past year, ive come to notice that people, the ones i want to turn back for and try again with, well that option is not available anymore. Sometimes you cant go back and fix things. Ive think ive gotten use to the idea that i could have it my way if i tried hard enough, but i cant, and it feels sort of powerless and weak.
im not sure this is what i ment to say, but its something.
In a world of so many friends, i find it very easy to feel alone. To feel different. My feelings make me who i am, and it sets me apart. I hate myself sometimes for the feelings i have. I believe our dreams are significant. My dreams are scary, and emotionally strong. and sometimes i wish i never had them. besides that if my dreams are a reflection of a past life, or a prediction of the future, than this world we live in now is not real. There are things out there that are not "human", and part of me believes this from the dreams i have, and another part doubts it. I live life with a smile...half the time... and i live life scared. That lack of control, it follows me into my dreams, and it chases me out of my dreams. I tend to protray myself weak and powerless, and in danger. Sometimes im the savior, other times im a target. Ive also seen myself had strong abilities that most would call weird. All im doing is searching for the truth. Dreams have some truth, and if what i see is real than there is more to me than meets the eye, and one day i will be stronger. I have not reached my full potential....
Wow my thoughts have strayed again. now everyone knows how my thought patterns work, and what i think of when all i have is time on my hands. The truth is out there... all you have to do is find it... good luck.
And... good night.
I suppose ur wondering why im writing this now, when everything is fine in my life. To tell you the truth i dont know. Its just the thoughts ive always had running through my mind, each time im givin a chance to stop and think. Times when im alone, driving, sitting unable to sleep, or just walking around not in converstation with anyone. And recently, id say in the past year, ive come to notice that people, the ones i want to turn back for and try again with, well that option is not available anymore. Sometimes you cant go back and fix things. Ive think ive gotten use to the idea that i could have it my way if i tried hard enough, but i cant, and it feels sort of powerless and weak.
im not sure this is what i ment to say, but its something.
In a world of so many friends, i find it very easy to feel alone. To feel different. My feelings make me who i am, and it sets me apart. I hate myself sometimes for the feelings i have. I believe our dreams are significant. My dreams are scary, and emotionally strong. and sometimes i wish i never had them. besides that if my dreams are a reflection of a past life, or a prediction of the future, than this world we live in now is not real. There are things out there that are not "human", and part of me believes this from the dreams i have, and another part doubts it. I live life with a smile...half the time... and i live life scared. That lack of control, it follows me into my dreams, and it chases me out of my dreams. I tend to protray myself weak and powerless, and in danger. Sometimes im the savior, other times im a target. Ive also seen myself had strong abilities that most would call weird. All im doing is searching for the truth. Dreams have some truth, and if what i see is real than there is more to me than meets the eye, and one day i will be stronger. I have not reached my full potential....
Wow my thoughts have strayed again. now everyone knows how my thought patterns work, and what i think of when all i have is time on my hands. The truth is out there... all you have to do is find it... good luck.
And... good night.