things that are giving me migraines daily:
1) i have about 8 questions involving coterming and taking directed reading while abroad that have not been answered by the department in over a month now. in fact, people just keep claiming they "never got" my emails...it's really frustrating. so, i don't know what i can take to graduate on time.
2) in general, i want to get my masters this next year, but it may not be possible without massive amounts of stress...and i really, really, really don't want to be at stanford one more year before i graduate. i just don't think i can handle that much stress. i mean, i've been in college for seven years now. i need to be done.
3) i have to go to the doctor today. the upshot is that i don't have to get a blood test, which is awesome. i'll still have a panic attack and pass out, though, which always SUCKS.
4) i'm going to the most amazing place tonight for dinner, but i have to go with family members whom i don't know, nor do i have any interest in knowing. it's going to be just like boston: they'll gush over things i did fifteen years ago, confuse me with my brother, and refuse to listen to anything i have to say while at the same time idolizing me. it's just strange.
5) i have to write a thank you note to my grandfather, which is always really stressful. we just plain DON'T talk, but he just sent me a really sweet letter with 100E so i'll have something for the first few days i'm in italy and an italian guidebook. this shouldn't be a cause of stress, but it is.
6) i don't know what to do about bridgetown. i got in a really nasty argument with stanford about whether or not they'll let me go, as a result of which i had to pay $38 extra in airline fees, which angers me. if i do go, i have to sneak out without the department knowing about it, which i'll feel awful about. i'll also only know at best 6 people there, only one of which i've spoken to for more than a day or two. i have no place to stay yet, and i don't know west coast swing at ALL, so i'll feel like a total idiot (even though it will be good for me to get better fast). i just wonder if i'm being too rash. maybe i should just stay at stanford with philip. that said, if i don't go i can apply the airfare to any future flight with southwest within the year...but will i be flying that much?
7) on a related note, i worry that i've just been flitting around this summer spending time with people i don't really know and gathering new friends like so many pogs. i feel like my attention span with people, and their interest in me, is highly ephemeral at this point, and that makes me sad. it's not that i'm a bad judge of character, because i'm not. i've met someone who really reminds me of an ex i hate, and i can't get over that. i've met someone else (several people, actually), who seem to have this warm interest in me for a week or so, and then it dissolves into a barely communicative businesslike tone. am i really that cold?
8) i'm really sick of my thesis project. i'm really turned off to honors college as well, and working on this project. i'm tired of it. hopefully i'll have renewed interest sometime soon.
9) i'm terrified of presenting in england, because my paper is *not* done the way it should be, and my mentor isn't going to have time to hold my hand through this. i'm actually more scared about this than i was at nationals. maybe i can get rolland to look at my paper for me.
10) i feel bad that i haven't had lunch with jim, and that i only saw keyon once, and that i missed kasey's party, and that i've barely seen katye, and that i've missed seeing so many of my other friends.
11) i have no idea what classes i'm taking in italy, and it's looking like not a single one will count for ANYTHING that i need. that said, i might just take italian cinema, freud's walking tour of florence, and italian vs. american high schools. i think those would be fun, at the very least.
12) this lsa abstract just plain sucks. i'm an awful writer.
13) i need to learn how to use my camera before i leave.
14) i need to pack up everything i own before italy because my family's moving, so my room is in complete shambles...but it's really, really hard for me to do.
15) my head hurts constantly, and i haven't worked out enough, so my body's just generally boycotting me.
2) in general, i want to get my masters this next year, but it may not be possible without massive amounts of stress...and i really, really, really don't want to be at stanford one more year before i graduate. i just don't think i can handle that much stress. i mean, i've been in college for seven years now. i need to be done.
3) i have to go to the doctor today. the upshot is that i don't have to get a blood test, which is awesome. i'll still have a panic attack and pass out, though, which always SUCKS.
4) i'm going to the most amazing place tonight for dinner, but i have to go with family members whom i don't know, nor do i have any interest in knowing. it's going to be just like boston: they'll gush over things i did fifteen years ago, confuse me with my brother, and refuse to listen to anything i have to say while at the same time idolizing me. it's just strange.
5) i have to write a thank you note to my grandfather, which is always really stressful. we just plain DON'T talk, but he just sent me a really sweet letter with 100E so i'll have something for the first few days i'm in italy and an italian guidebook. this shouldn't be a cause of stress, but it is.
6) i don't know what to do about bridgetown. i got in a really nasty argument with stanford about whether or not they'll let me go, as a result of which i had to pay $38 extra in airline fees, which angers me. if i do go, i have to sneak out without the department knowing about it, which i'll feel awful about. i'll also only know at best 6 people there, only one of which i've spoken to for more than a day or two. i have no place to stay yet, and i don't know west coast swing at ALL, so i'll feel like a total idiot (even though it will be good for me to get better fast). i just wonder if i'm being too rash. maybe i should just stay at stanford with philip. that said, if i don't go i can apply the airfare to any future flight with southwest within the year...but will i be flying that much?
7) on a related note, i worry that i've just been flitting around this summer spending time with people i don't really know and gathering new friends like so many pogs. i feel like my attention span with people, and their interest in me, is highly ephemeral at this point, and that makes me sad. it's not that i'm a bad judge of character, because i'm not. i've met someone who really reminds me of an ex i hate, and i can't get over that. i've met someone else (several people, actually), who seem to have this warm interest in me for a week or so, and then it dissolves into a barely communicative businesslike tone. am i really that cold?
8) i'm really sick of my thesis project. i'm really turned off to honors college as well, and working on this project. i'm tired of it. hopefully i'll have renewed interest sometime soon.
9) i'm terrified of presenting in england, because my paper is *not* done the way it should be, and my mentor isn't going to have time to hold my hand through this. i'm actually more scared about this than i was at nationals. maybe i can get rolland to look at my paper for me.
10) i feel bad that i haven't had lunch with jim, and that i only saw keyon once, and that i missed kasey's party, and that i've barely seen katye, and that i've missed seeing so many of my other friends.
11) i have no idea what classes i'm taking in italy, and it's looking like not a single one will count for ANYTHING that i need. that said, i might just take italian cinema, freud's walking tour of florence, and italian vs. american high schools. i think those would be fun, at the very least.
12) this lsa abstract just plain sucks. i'm an awful writer.
13) i need to learn how to use my camera before i leave.
14) i need to pack up everything i own before italy because my family's moving, so my room is in complete shambles...but it's really, really hard for me to do.
15) my head hurts constantly, and i haven't worked out enough, so my body's just generally boycotting me.