Hazarding Theories

Dec 01, 2005 01:32

Why am I still up?
This question boggles my mind. For the past circa six years I have been sleep deprived... and have suffered for it! But it is entirely self-induced! I hate getting UP early... but staying up late is like some sort of prerogative for my existence. If I don't stay up late I don't feel fulfilled.

It goes back to that persistent question of : what do I really, TRULY, want? I want to get enough sleep so I can function at top speed, but that conflicts with two other things: Mornings, getting up for class; and Evenings, staying up late. Obligation states that I can't just SKIP all my classes in order to get enough sleep. Therefore, Evenings are the only choice.

But why, WHY do I have this urge to just keep going. I'm so ired... but I don't want to go to bed. Why? I know... KNOW I'll be kicking myself like always. And yet I keep doing it.

There's something missing there, that's it. Like, I'm waiting for my day to have some semblance of meaning. That one thing that I can look back and say "Yeah, that day was worth living... I really DID something that day." Going to bed early would be like throwing in the towel before even starting the game. So the answer?

DO stuff during that day that is worth doing... so I don't have to hold out at the end waiting for something good to happen.

Good Things Today:
Worked on Story
Worked on Major/Minor (Set Plan)
Finished Chobits
Fun Punk Movie (Ant)
Othello sounds like a cool play
Largo's expression in the last frame of Megatokyo
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