oh geez!
I truthfully never thought that I would say the words, "I'm getting married!"
Not because of people's typical reasoning. It was more because I just felt like I was never going to be in love with someone enough to say, YES. That no one was ever going to love me enough to actually ASK.
Now here I sit, ring on my finger, as an engaged woman. It's still not real to me. Things feel exactly the same. I don't feel any more whole, loved or complete. But I think that's just it. The fact that I feel just as loved, just as whole and complete as I did the day before. The ring shouldn't make me feel whole. The officialness of the entire thing didn't make me feel like Jeff and I were set in stone. The day I met him, I knew.
He and I have had some setbacks, more specifically, *A* setback. The entire thing was surrounded by mis-communication and the fear of opening up to someone truly special. Once he and I were able to dive in completely and truly.
I really do think you know right away when you meet the person you're going to marry. It's not the "knowing" that you think you're aware of. It's almost as if you met yourself. Like you're best friends with the person in front of you, even though you don't know a thing about them. The thought that you could look into their eyes every single day and just love them more and more.
For those of you who have been following my livejournals since I was sixteen years old, You've watched me struggle with understanding who I am and understanding love itself. I never had a real relationship until I met Nick. I was then finally able to understand who I was, what I wanted in life, and what I wanted in a relationship as a WOMAN, not a girl.
There are a few thoughts I had when I met Jeff. Kind of private thoughts, but they were there either way. One for example, was that I had that weird urge to have a child someday. My entire life, I have always said it didn't matter to me whether or not I had a kid. For some reason, meeting him made me feel differently.
I am at this really excited, yet peaceful place in my life right now. I have never been more sure about anything in my life, or I wouldn't have said Yes. I hope that all of you know this. I know that I have only been with Jeff for 9 months, but there is no doubt. If there were, I don't think I would be with the right person. We both know this is what we've been waiting for our entire lives.
Thank all of you for your kind wishes and words. Jeff and I are both incredibly excited to officially start our lives together. I hope you're all there on that day when we make it official. I love you guys so much. Thank you for always being there and supporting me through every point in my life.
I MET THE LOVE OF MY LIFE AND I'M GETTING MARRIED! Wow. Just wow.