Dear Most Holy Father,
I am tired of being lonely. I am tired of waking up alone, not that I would be sleeping with anyone in my parents' house. I am tired of having no one to cuddle on the couch with during a movie. I hate not holding anyone's hand. No one calls me "Sweetheart" or "Princess". I hate not caring about how I look when we go out because I have no one to impress.
Not asking for much. I do not need to be married. I do not need someone to be desperately in love with me. I just need to know that someone cares, even just a little bit. My friends are wonderful, but they are not a boyfriend, no offense.
I am grateful for the life I lead. I accept the good and the bad. But maybe, if you have a little bit of time, you could throw some good my way. In the form of an attractive, intelligent, funny guy over the age of 18 and under the age of 24. And if you're feeling generous, could he be Jewish???
Thank you, dear Abba, in your kind attention regarding this matter.
Most heartily,
Jamie
P.S. Thanks, Rosie, for letting me pilfer your format.