Too blind for an LJ-cut. Glasses off.
Frank, my biological sperm donor of a father, has decided to pop back into my life with money since he overheard I was in college now. He's always had it in his mind that he can try to fix all of his mistakes by offering me large sums of money. I can't imagine what I would say to him if he asked to be at my graduation. He has done nothing to support me, my education, or my family at all in my life.
I talked to my brother last night. I haven't really spoke to him since 2005. I told him about Frank and he told me something that I was too young and traumatized to remember: my brother was almost kicked down the stairs when he was a toddler by Frank. I don't want this man in my life. Michael and my brother say to take his money, because he's offering. Paul saying: "You're probably doing him a favor by taking his drinking money. If he stops sending it when he says he will, then the liquor was just more important." I wonder what other things Frank did to my brother. For the longest time, I just knew it was my mother and I that got the brunt of the beatings.
Frank has also came back another way. My back has been acting up recently, and it's very painful. Not to mention I woke up this early, only getting about 3 hours of sleep, because I have a little bit of ghost pain in my knees.
It seems like I either sleep for hours, or don't sleep enough, too. I'm not sure what that is about. It's annoying me, I want it fixed.
Michael's ex, Mandi, is acting really immature. He says she's volumes of mature at her age, but she's rubbing the fact that he likes her in my face, and that's not mature at all. It's fairly troublesome. I apologize to her twice, one for indirectly offending her, and once while I was defending myself. I saw Michael had moved her to the top of his Myspace Top List, and I was upset. Yet trivial, that was important to me. I asked him quite a bit to put me at the top. For those of you that Myspace enough, you know about 90% of the population understands that if you say you're dating, you probably have your significant other as number one. I also left him comments, despite the fact that we lived together, but he didn't see why it was important. I complained when I saw her at the top yesterday, not to get myself there, but just because I was shocked that it was so important to me and he overlooked it. He apparently put me as #1 to "Get me off his back" and her as number two. She has her display name to say "Yeah, But Guess Who He Wants to Sleep With >:)" That is a childish thing to do, period. It's the principle of the thing. I was half-tempted to change my display name to "Yeah, but guess who knows exactly what to do ;)" but that would be stooping to her level. That kind of stuff is what high school girls do, and I can't see why he would want that. He got upset at me for talking down to his friends, and she is doing the same thing now. I want to talk with him about it today, it just pushed my buttons and what's worse is that's what the little brat wanted.
Lots of inner conflict recently. I'm struggling with myself. August needs to come sooner, because I'm tired of feeling like a burden to everyone. I want to make something of myself, earn my own money. I've been ready for this for far too long. Now that I've got a deadline, the finish line is so close and so far. All this struggle made things hard last night, and it scared me. I honestly didn't mean any of it to happen, but it did. I don't really want to get into it, but I was very scared and very embarrassed. Like I said, August can't come soon enough.
I talked to my brother last night. I haven't really spoke to him since 2005. I told him about Frank and he told me something that I was too young and traumatized to remember: my brother was almost kicked down the stairs when he was a toddler by Frank. I don't want this man in my life. Michael and my brother say to take his money, because he's offering. Paul saying: "You're probably doing him a favor by taking his drinking money. If he stops sending it when he says he will, then the liquor was just more important." I wonder what other things Frank did to my brother. For the longest time, I just knew it was my mother and I that got the brunt of the beatings.
Frank has also came back another way. My back has been acting up recently, and it's very painful. Not to mention I woke up this early, only getting about 3 hours of sleep, because I have a little bit of ghost pain in my knees.
It seems like I either sleep for hours, or don't sleep enough, too. I'm not sure what that is about. It's annoying me, I want it fixed.
Michael's ex, Mandi, is acting really immature. He says she's volumes of mature at her age, but she's rubbing the fact that he likes her in my face, and that's not mature at all. It's fairly troublesome. I apologize to her twice, one for indirectly offending her, and once while I was defending myself. I saw Michael had moved her to the top of his Myspace Top List, and I was upset. Yet trivial, that was important to me. I asked him quite a bit to put me at the top. For those of you that Myspace enough, you know about 90% of the population understands that if you say you're dating, you probably have your significant other as number one. I also left him comments, despite the fact that we lived together, but he didn't see why it was important. I complained when I saw her at the top yesterday, not to get myself there, but just because I was shocked that it was so important to me and he overlooked it. He apparently put me as #1 to "Get me off his back" and her as number two. She has her display name to say "Yeah, But Guess Who He Wants to Sleep With >:)" That is a childish thing to do, period. It's the principle of the thing. I was half-tempted to change my display name to "Yeah, but guess who knows exactly what to do ;)" but that would be stooping to her level. That kind of stuff is what high school girls do, and I can't see why he would want that. He got upset at me for talking down to his friends, and she is doing the same thing now. I want to talk with him about it today, it just pushed my buttons and what's worse is that's what the little brat wanted.
Lots of inner conflict recently. I'm struggling with myself. August needs to come sooner, because I'm tired of feeling like a burden to everyone. I want to make something of myself, earn my own money. I've been ready for this for far too long. Now that I've got a deadline, the finish line is so close and so far. All this struggle made things hard last night, and it scared me. I honestly didn't mean any of it to happen, but it did. I don't really want to get into it, but I was very scared and very embarrassed. Like I said, August can't come soon enough.