(no subject)
SO yea things arnt the greatest right now. Idk I just really dont. I hate being depressed and shit. My grandma is getting a by pas surgery righ tnw...on her heart...and stuff. I know shes going to be ok and shit but it still worries me. And you know at times like this i see why ppl wan tto beleive in god so much...they need that feeling of security that someones watching over. That there is someone they can talk to someone they can belive in that will grant themm miracles. They have someone to talk to they have someone they can pray to and make it see liek everything is ok. But who do i talk to...? Who can count on....? No one...I'm faced with real life..the facts. I have no miracles....i have no beleif. Its times liek this I wis I could be as blind as the rest of them. And beleive in this man of creature who created the Earth and the Sun. And granted us miracles and listened to our crys. But I can't help but know and have that dought of the existance of him....and I'm left her with whats real. And it blows. All I can do is scream to nothing. Idk. I just never know whats real and whats not. Sometimes its like shit...what if its all real...what if the blind are really the seeing. and I'm just blinded with dought, and I will pay. I mean what if there was a Hell...? What would I do...? I mean lets face it, if there was I would most likley go. And that scares me. Idk what I'm trying to say here but I guess all I can do is be a good person. Yea I gues thats it...and then wait for Death and see what awaits darkness, Heaven, or the firey pits of Hell...only Death will show the way.
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::sigh:: In the other sad but not as inportant news...I cant get this guy out of my mind. Yea pathetic I know...but I cant help it. Hes like amazing....even though he doesnt see half of it. Hes my best friend, and I love him to death. But it makes me want to break the fuck down adn cry y eyes out when i see how much he likes this other girl Im friends with. I mean they dont go out or anythign but they have this thing to where they are "married" and it just makes me so sad and shit. I mena i never know how to act around him or what to say. It just seams like everything goes blank. Heh I just dont know. The way he makes me feel is the most undescribable feeling. Yea...Im kindda pethetic but I dont really care.
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I guess thats all for today...Im out...
--->*They Call Me Trance*<---
--->*Alex*<---
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::sigh:: In the other sad but not as inportant news...I cant get this guy out of my mind. Yea pathetic I know...but I cant help it. Hes like amazing....even though he doesnt see half of it. Hes my best friend, and I love him to death. But it makes me want to break the fuck down adn cry y eyes out when i see how much he likes this other girl Im friends with. I mean they dont go out or anythign but they have this thing to where they are "married" and it just makes me so sad and shit. I mena i never know how to act around him or what to say. It just seams like everything goes blank. Heh I just dont know. The way he makes me feel is the most undescribable feeling. Yea...Im kindda pethetic but I dont really care.
~*~
I guess thats all for today...Im out...
--->*They Call Me Trance*<---
--->*Alex*<---