This Crazy World

[hallon02]

Comments

[adinarj]

I'm really enjoying this story! You could use a beta, though -- a few things have jumped out at me.

[hallon02]

Oh, like what? 'Cause some things are intentional. But I'm always open to suggestions for changes. :)

[adinarj]

Minor stuff, mostly.

Like "chilly" fries when I think you meant "chili." Chili is the food with meat and beans and spices. Chilly means it's cold. Unless you meant cold fries, and not the kind with chili on top. There was one other one like that, but I can't remember it at the moment.

[adinarj]

And "eatable" food -- the word is "edible." There's no such word as "eatable." Coming from Rory or Lorelai, I'd think it was intentional, but not from Jess, and not in this situation.