Fic: Son Of Byblis (FMA)
“Have you two been fighting or something?”
Alphonse shrugged, sweeping his gaze across Ed’s tiny flat that dusk had painted a brown monochrome. To say it was a bit of a mess would be quite an understatement. Books and empty dishes were spread throughout the room, covering the desk and most of the chairs. Scattered sheets of paper littered the floor in a familiar pattern. As a general rule, mugs tended to end up perched on a pile of books while plates were unmistakably slid under a chair as Ed read sprawled on the floor. Ed had once explained the logic behind the chaos, but for the life of him Alphonse couldn’t remember it right now.
Ed whistled low. “Two months into being married... and they say I’m the brat.”
The joke fell flat and dead between them. From his lounged position against the desk, Ed frowned. Alphonse kept up his inspection of the room for a handful of seconds, but eventually his eyes drifted back to Ed.
“She wants us to move to Xing,” he said in a rushed breath.
For a moment, Ed felt the world come to a halt. His mind seemed to explode under the weight of a thousand emotions. It wasn’t totally unexpected, no, it really wasn’t. He had known the day Al had married the Xingese girl that he would lose forever a part of his brother in this deal. But still, he wasn’t prepared for this, felt like he would never be ready for a life without his brother in every corner of it.
In the midst of his turmoil, Ed struggled to keep his composure, to be what he had always needed to be for Al --a rock, an answer. He fought against the bone-deep shiver that threatened to shake him to pieces, tried to ignore the way his heart rattled painfully in his chest like a broken clock. He softened the edges of his voice and put a gentle hand on his brother’s shoulder.
“Is this what you two have been fighting about?”
Soft bronze eyes fell shut and Alphonse let out a laugh, sad and bitter and it bounced between them with a clang like coins hitting the ground.
“Not exactly. We’re moving because of what we fight about.”
At Ed’s inquisitive look, he continued.
“It’s nothing, brother, don’t worry about it. “
“Al.”
The youngest sibling shook his head gently, a silent plea, but Ed only saw soft strands of hair turned dull by the light and a pain that didn’t belong on the face of his brother.
“Al... what is this about? I can tell that...”
Al sighed, resignation bowing his head low, bending his shoulders like those of an old man. At last he whispered, “You. We’re fighting about you.”
Ed’s eyes widened almost comically. But before he could sputter and flail, before he could dissolve into a stream of questions, Al went on.
“Mei thinks... She thinks that we’re too close. That it isn’t healthy. That... it isn’t right.”
At the corner of his vision, Al saw Ed’s feet take a few unbidden steps back at the implied accusation. And despite himself, he raised his head to see hurt flashing briefly over Ed’s face before his eyes narrowed.
“Well, I think she’s stupid,” Ed said. “No offense.”
A small smile tugged at the corner of Al’s lips, and Ed couldn’t quite decide if it was indulgent or sad. He watched his brother hesitate and in the flickering light of his eyes, Ed saw memories of shared beds and warm embraces, murmured reassurances in the middle of the night.
“Is she right?” Al asked.
And this, having to justify his love for his own brother, hurt maybe more than anything else, vicious fingers scraping at the soft flesh of his heart. Anger curled deep within him, a familiar ally, and Ed welcomed it.
“All this shit, Al, this properness or improperness... it’s all stupid social conventions. I love you, so what? You’re my brother. We went to hell and back together. What we went through... the stone, all those hardships... what does she understand? Here you are, flesh and blood and breathing and having the life you deserve. And every time I lay eyes on you it’s like a small miracle is happening. Who can understand that? Of course you’re like the apple of my eye. Is that so wrong? Would you like me not to care?”
Ed’s voice cracked and Al felt his heart tighten in anguish. He opened his mouth to say something, anything, to soothe his brother, but Ed raised an open palm to silence him. He wasn’t anywhere near finished.
“You know what I find wrong? Having a sibling, like you wife does, and ignoring that gift. What does it mean to have a healthy relationship with your brother? Fighting like rabid dogs? Seeing each other twice a year? Well, if that is what society deems proper, I am glad not to be!”
With that final shout, Ed made to stomp past him, although Al wasn’t sure where he thought he could go, barefoot and in a one-room studio. Nonetheless, he caught Ed’s arm before he could get away and tugged him into an apologetic hug. Ed felt small and oddly fragile in his arms despite the tension stiffening his frame, and Alphonse was reminded of an animal ready to bolt.
“Let me go. I’m not sure this is very proper...” Ed ground out viciously in Al’s collarbone, though he made no move to shove his brother away. With a sigh, Alphonse released him.
“I’m sorry, Ed, I didn’t mean it like that. I didn’t mean to hurt you...”
Ed considered him through hooded eyes for what felt like an eternity. He could never stay mad at Al for long and he knew the contrition on that open face was genuine. But he also knew his brother like the back of his hand, the result of a bond thick as blood and too many years spend reading the small sterile tilts of armour. And beneath the apology and the fervent wish to take every word of this conversation back, beneath the love and trust, he read the guilt of a question lingering: But, do you want me that way?
And he had no doubts that he could leave it there, lurking in the shadows of a bright and loving mind. But he had always been honest with Al, had always given him his everything. There was so little to salvage anyway. At the end of the day, Al would still be going away and if the little Xingese bitch wanted to whisper poison in his ear, she would. So Ed shed defence and modesty like one sheds tears, dove his fist into the recesses of his soul, tapped into his boundless love for his brother to find truth and honesty.
“You are... I find you beautiful, yes... I would have to be blind not to see it. But then, I think Mustang is handsome yet you don’t see me jumping his bones.”
“So you think of me just like you think of General Mustang, uh?” Alphonse asked. A teasing grin pinched dimples high on his cheeks, but his eyes shone with acknowledgement and gratefulness.
“What? Hell no. That bastard!” Ed cried out.
The outburst echoed against the walls and both Elrics burst out in laughter. Ed rode the sweet wave of his brother’s mirth like a drunk for a couple of minutes, uncaring of its superficiality, of what it hid. But he couldn’t let it distract him from his purpose and when they regained their breath, he continued in a soft voice.
“I don’t know Al, maybe I do, maybe I don’t. Where does one feeling stop and where does the other start? Does it matter? It’s not evil. I only want the best for you. I want you to be happy and safe and if it’s not with me then I have no wish to seclude you from the world, to keep you for myself. I love you and that love feels pure in my heart.”
He faltered for a moment.
“Incest is an invention of men to preserve society, to keep the gene pool from weakening. And even if I... sometimes, I wish I could melt into you because your touch soothes my soul like nothing else can and it makes me believe in salvation and happiness... Even if I crave it like a starved man sometimes... We are both boys and you are married and... It’s just love, Al. Does it matter what name you put on it?”
Alphonse watched golden eyes look up pleadingly at him and swallowed hard. It seemed life had chipped Ed at every opportunity, and he could see all the cracks in his posture, in the heartache unfurled on his face. He didn’t need to ponder Ed’s words to know for certain that love was love in the end. That nothing could define what they had lived together, nothing could rule the relationship it had bequeathed.
And so he leaned in close to Ed and cupped his jaw, gently tightening his hold on the nape of Ed’ neck as he moved to break away. Al let him calm down and find reassurance in his eyes. Then, slowly, he breached the gap between them and brushed his lips against a worried mouth. He kissed Ed’s lips methodically, taking the upper one between gentle, teasing teeth before the lower. He ran the tip of his tongue along Ed’s lips and Ed obligingly opened up as if helpless to deny him.
The warm caress of Al in Ed’s mouth sent a shock of desire coursing through him, and he felt Al tighten his hold as his body involuntarily convulsed. Exhilaration filled him, delicious and painful and he felt both terribly lost and firmly grounded by Al’s gentle touch.
They met in a moment without time or place, a reality aside of everything else, and when Al finally broke the kiss it felt like an understanding. Lips swollen and cheeks dusted with a faint blush, Al gently rested his forehead against his brother’s, and in eyes turned grey by the darkness Ed saw an ocean of tenderness ripple, deep and infinite.
“No, it doesn’t matter to me. Brother.