[OOC: STATE OF THE NOAH]
I've been playing Devit for nearly two years now, and a lot has happened in that amount of time, some of it probably questionable to someone who hasn't been following along. SO, in an effort to kick-start the muse as well as offer a bit of background, I give you THE STATE OF THE NOAH. o/
Where's Jasdero?
When Tif dropped Jasdero early last year, I was faced with a dilemma: do I assume Jasdero is still around and NPC him when necessary or possibly even apply for him myself, or do I have him 'disappear'? That wasn't the first time I had to make that decision, either. When our first Jasdero left, I had the same problem, and I ultimately dropped Devit because I wasn't sure what to do. By the time Tif dropped, though, I'd reapplied and grown ridiculously attached to him, so dropping was no longer an option.
I weighed the pros and cons separately. I ended up NPCing Jasdero for a couple months to see how that option would work out, but I grew tired of it pretty quickly. There were too many things to account for, and it was difficult to have Devit grow as a character while he still had his safety net, which he rarely ventured from. As much as I love Devit and Jasdero together, their relationship wasn't fun to play out by myself, and what I ultimately roleplay for is character growth; those two facts cemented my decision to remove Jasdero from the equation.
Often when people drop characters and have no plans for what happens to those characters afterward, we assume the community has 'taken' them or made them forget about the community entirely. I did the former with Jasdero. He disappeared during a virus that rendered characters affected with two previous viruses. One of the viruses Devit was inflicted with was the Hakuna Matata virus, which is exactly what it sounds like: the character has no worries. Devit realized Jasdero was missing, but he wasn't too concerned about it; he assumed that his twin was probably affected by another virus somewhere else and would be back as soon as it was all over.
Obviously, he never came back.
Devit insists Jasdero will come back someday. The knowledge that he's alive (Devit knows this because he believes he would have felt Jasdero's death) keeps that glimmer of hope alive which, in turn, keeps him from going totally batshit.
To date, Jasdero has been gone for about seven months.
How did Devit cope with Jasdero being gone?
Not very well, initially. There were a lot of tears shed and a lot of time spent holed up in a room by himself. He and Jasdero had been staying in a spare bedroom in Tyki's beach house at the time, recovering from a battle with Cross, and Devit remained in that room for nearly three weeks, often curled up in Jasdero's bed. He refused to see anyone, becoming more emotional and belligerent than unusual.
The people he was closest to at the time were Tyki and Shito, and they're almost entirely responsible for the progress he's made.
What kind of progress? How has Devit changed?
Some things have changed a lot while others have remained the same. First and foremost, he's made progress in regards to having a life without Jasdero. He still misses him like nothing else; he thinks about him all the time, and he even still turns to talk to him out of habit, but it's no longer accompanied by deep, soul-crushing depression. (Now it's only mild soul-crushing depression!) He can make it several days, and sometimes several weeks, without having an episode of angst.
Because he's powerless without his twin, he's not as confrontational as he once was and is more open to having a conversation, rather than antagonizing someone right off the bat. There are exceptions, of course. When he's really worked up, he'll forget himself for a while and verbally attack his target, often going so far as to threaten them with death and dismemberment.
He's slowly, slowly beginning to come to terms with the fact that having friends is pretty cool, though he still has a knee-jerk reaction that tells him to run away before people can reject him. In a sense, Shito has become his new safety net. As long as he has Shito, it's all right if nobody wants to have anything to do with him. (Only it's not really, but self-deception is something he's still very good at.) It would probably take something like Shito making him go out and meet new people before he'd ever voluntarily leave the zombie's side.
He's also completely and utterly unsure of himself. Granted, the way I play him, he always has been, but now that he's in a situation where both going home and staying where he is could mean death, he's lost. The Noah inside him naturally wants him to return to the Earl, but the human part of him wants to stay with Shito forever, resulting in very conflicted and frustrated feelings.
Why isn't Devit living on the D.Gray-man world?
Initially, Devit and Jasdero were staying off-world in Tyki's beach house while they recovered from a failed attempt to kill Cross. They were afraid to go home and face the Earl for a while, because they fucked up pretty bad and almost got killed in the process. Then after Jasdero disappeared, Devit was afraid to return on his own, fearing the Earl would kill him because he's useless without his twin, so he just... never went back. He's still terrified of that possibility and is mostly (aside from his Noah urging otherwise) content to live safely with his boyfriend on the Zombie Loan world.
Wait... boyfriend? Why does he have a boyfriend? How did that even happen??
This is mostly copied and pasted from a Q&A meme we did on adddictions (with some edits) because it sums it up nicely.
It started with the grab bag virus, where he and Shito were affected with the touchy feely virus. They stayed at an inn for a few days, and while they were there, Devit goaded Shito into trying some wine, which had been delivered to them by an apologetic bar patron who'd been giving them trouble earlier. Now, when Shito gets drunk, he becomes very flirtatious. He asked Devit if he could kiss him, and Devit (who was an ignorant virgin at the time) hesitantly obliged. It basically went from there, ending with clumsy, drunken handjobs.
Things were pretty awkward after that. They still didn't get along, but they did spend time talking, since there wasn't anything else to do while they were stuck together. Keep in mind Devit hadn't really spent any extended amount of time with anyone but Jasdero before, thanks to his unconscious self-loathing, but he really had no choice but to get to know Shito a bit, and he was surprised to find that he didn't really hate him.
After the virus was over, subsequent interactions led Devit to become a bit obsessed with Shito. He stalked him around the community in order to know more about him, and the more they talked, the more Devit wanted his attention, so he did stupid things in an effort to get it. Sometimes those stupid things would piss Shito off, though, which Devit found hilarious but ultimately ended up making him feel bad because he was sure Shito hated him. Then he started doing things that were still stupid but done in an attempt to get more positive attention, even though they sometimes resulted in pissing Shito off still.
Eventually, Shito came to the conclusion that Devit had a crush on him (which Devit firmly denied) and told him it was okay and that Devit could kiss him if he wanted to. AND THEN DEVIT REALIZED HE DID WANT TO KISS HIM, OH GOD WHY, but he was scared and ran away instead. Then he was affected by the previously mentioned Hakuna Matata virus, told Shito he liked him, and allowed himself to have what he wanted.
When the virus was over, Devit was understandably focused on Jasdero's disappearance instead of dealing with the awkwardness between Shito and himself. When weeks passed and Jasdero didn't return, Devit needed someone he could lean on, and Shito was there. That's how they officially became a couple.
It's not the healthiest relationship, by any means, but Devit believes he's happy, so no one can convince him otherwise. He'd literally do anything for Shito at this point, just to keep his zombie happy and with him forever, because Devit is truly terrified of having to function on his own. Whether he actually loves Shito or not is up for debate. He told him he did, and there's definitely affection there, but whether it's real love or love born out of fear of abandonment remains to be seen.
What's he going to do now?
He doesn't know, and neither do I. His Noah continues urging him to return home, while he keeps fighting it and stubbornly staying put. Part of him knows this won't last forever, though; eventually, he won't be able to resist the urge to leave, and even if he could manage to hold out, he fears the Earl will come for him, anyway. Maybe I can do a plot involving that someday...
Well, that's it! I may add to this in the future. If you have any additional questions, please don't hesitate to ask! And remember, if you want to leave concrit, you're more than welcome to do so on my HMD post. :)
Where's Jasdero?
When Tif dropped Jasdero early last year, I was faced with a dilemma: do I assume Jasdero is still around and NPC him when necessary or possibly even apply for him myself, or do I have him 'disappear'? That wasn't the first time I had to make that decision, either. When our first Jasdero left, I had the same problem, and I ultimately dropped Devit because I wasn't sure what to do. By the time Tif dropped, though, I'd reapplied and grown ridiculously attached to him, so dropping was no longer an option.
I weighed the pros and cons separately. I ended up NPCing Jasdero for a couple months to see how that option would work out, but I grew tired of it pretty quickly. There were too many things to account for, and it was difficult to have Devit grow as a character while he still had his safety net, which he rarely ventured from. As much as I love Devit and Jasdero together, their relationship wasn't fun to play out by myself, and what I ultimately roleplay for is character growth; those two facts cemented my decision to remove Jasdero from the equation.
Often when people drop characters and have no plans for what happens to those characters afterward, we assume the community has 'taken' them or made them forget about the community entirely. I did the former with Jasdero. He disappeared during a virus that rendered characters affected with two previous viruses. One of the viruses Devit was inflicted with was the Hakuna Matata virus, which is exactly what it sounds like: the character has no worries. Devit realized Jasdero was missing, but he wasn't too concerned about it; he assumed that his twin was probably affected by another virus somewhere else and would be back as soon as it was all over.
Obviously, he never came back.
Devit insists Jasdero will come back someday. The knowledge that he's alive (Devit knows this because he believes he would have felt Jasdero's death) keeps that glimmer of hope alive which, in turn, keeps him from going totally batshit.
To date, Jasdero has been gone for about seven months.
How did Devit cope with Jasdero being gone?
Not very well, initially. There were a lot of tears shed and a lot of time spent holed up in a room by himself. He and Jasdero had been staying in a spare bedroom in Tyki's beach house at the time, recovering from a battle with Cross, and Devit remained in that room for nearly three weeks, often curled up in Jasdero's bed. He refused to see anyone, becoming more emotional and belligerent than unusual.
The people he was closest to at the time were Tyki and Shito, and they're almost entirely responsible for the progress he's made.
What kind of progress? How has Devit changed?
Some things have changed a lot while others have remained the same. First and foremost, he's made progress in regards to having a life without Jasdero. He still misses him like nothing else; he thinks about him all the time, and he even still turns to talk to him out of habit, but it's no longer accompanied by deep, soul-crushing depression. (Now it's only mild soul-crushing depression!) He can make it several days, and sometimes several weeks, without having an episode of angst.
Because he's powerless without his twin, he's not as confrontational as he once was and is more open to having a conversation, rather than antagonizing someone right off the bat. There are exceptions, of course. When he's really worked up, he'll forget himself for a while and verbally attack his target, often going so far as to threaten them with death and dismemberment.
He's slowly, slowly beginning to come to terms with the fact that having friends is pretty cool, though he still has a knee-jerk reaction that tells him to run away before people can reject him. In a sense, Shito has become his new safety net. As long as he has Shito, it's all right if nobody wants to have anything to do with him. (Only it's not really, but self-deception is something he's still very good at.) It would probably take something like Shito making him go out and meet new people before he'd ever voluntarily leave the zombie's side.
He's also completely and utterly unsure of himself. Granted, the way I play him, he always has been, but now that he's in a situation where both going home and staying where he is could mean death, he's lost. The Noah inside him naturally wants him to return to the Earl, but the human part of him wants to stay with Shito forever, resulting in very conflicted and frustrated feelings.
Why isn't Devit living on the D.Gray-man world?
Initially, Devit and Jasdero were staying off-world in Tyki's beach house while they recovered from a failed attempt to kill Cross. They were afraid to go home and face the Earl for a while, because they fucked up pretty bad and almost got killed in the process. Then after Jasdero disappeared, Devit was afraid to return on his own, fearing the Earl would kill him because he's useless without his twin, so he just... never went back. He's still terrified of that possibility and is mostly (aside from his Noah urging otherwise) content to live safely with his boyfriend on the Zombie Loan world.
Wait... boyfriend? Why does he have a boyfriend? How did that even happen??
This is mostly copied and pasted from a Q&A meme we did on adddictions (with some edits) because it sums it up nicely.
It started with the grab bag virus, where he and Shito were affected with the touchy feely virus. They stayed at an inn for a few days, and while they were there, Devit goaded Shito into trying some wine, which had been delivered to them by an apologetic bar patron who'd been giving them trouble earlier. Now, when Shito gets drunk, he becomes very flirtatious. He asked Devit if he could kiss him, and Devit (who was an ignorant virgin at the time) hesitantly obliged. It basically went from there, ending with clumsy, drunken handjobs.
Things were pretty awkward after that. They still didn't get along, but they did spend time talking, since there wasn't anything else to do while they were stuck together. Keep in mind Devit hadn't really spent any extended amount of time with anyone but Jasdero before, thanks to his unconscious self-loathing, but he really had no choice but to get to know Shito a bit, and he was surprised to find that he didn't really hate him.
After the virus was over, subsequent interactions led Devit to become a bit obsessed with Shito. He stalked him around the community in order to know more about him, and the more they talked, the more Devit wanted his attention, so he did stupid things in an effort to get it. Sometimes those stupid things would piss Shito off, though, which Devit found hilarious but ultimately ended up making him feel bad because he was sure Shito hated him. Then he started doing things that were still stupid but done in an attempt to get more positive attention, even though they sometimes resulted in pissing Shito off still.
Eventually, Shito came to the conclusion that Devit had a crush on him (which Devit firmly denied) and told him it was okay and that Devit could kiss him if he wanted to. AND THEN DEVIT REALIZED HE DID WANT TO KISS HIM, OH GOD WHY, but he was scared and ran away instead. Then he was affected by the previously mentioned Hakuna Matata virus, told Shito he liked him, and allowed himself to have what he wanted.
When the virus was over, Devit was understandably focused on Jasdero's disappearance instead of dealing with the awkwardness between Shito and himself. When weeks passed and Jasdero didn't return, Devit needed someone he could lean on, and Shito was there. That's how they officially became a couple.
It's not the healthiest relationship, by any means, but Devit believes he's happy, so no one can convince him otherwise. He'd literally do anything for Shito at this point, just to keep his zombie happy and with him forever, because Devit is truly terrified of having to function on his own. Whether he actually loves Shito or not is up for debate. He told him he did, and there's definitely affection there, but whether it's real love or love born out of fear of abandonment remains to be seen.
What's he going to do now?
He doesn't know, and neither do I. His Noah continues urging him to return home, while he keeps fighting it and stubbornly staying put. Part of him knows this won't last forever, though; eventually, he won't be able to resist the urge to leave, and even if he could manage to hold out, he fears the Earl will come for him, anyway. Maybe I can do a plot involving that someday...
Well, that's it! I may add to this in the future. If you have any additional questions, please don't hesitate to ask! And remember, if you want to leave concrit, you're more than welcome to do so on my HMD post. :)