Comments | halfshellvenus: Original Fiction: "Songs Like Ghosts"

halfshellvenus

Original Fiction: "Songs Like Ghosts"

Oct 25, 2013 23:36

Title: Songs Like Ghosts
Fandom: Original Fiction
Author: HalfshellVenus
Rating: G
Summary: Roads not taken.
Author's Notes: For writers_choice and writerverse, and the prompt of "Radio ( Read more... )

original_fiction, writerverse, my_fic

Comments 8

tsuki_no_bara October 26 2013, 17:12:01 UTC

the first couple lines sound like song lyrics. and this is so sad, but it has some logic to it - you might really want to leave, and know you might stagnate if you stay, but you still have very valid reasons (you love your mom, your sisters) for not going.

halfshellvenus October 27 2013, 06:33:17 UTC

Sometimes people get trapped in places they don't really want to be, and then it becomes too late to leave. Striking out on your own at 20 is one thing, but if you wait another 15-20 years then a whole new cycle of life comes around that may only make the decision harder.

meepalicious October 27 2013, 02:14:55 UTC

The melancholy in this is almost overwhelming. It's beautifully done, the desire to escape against the loyalty to home and family. There's a sense that they're trapped by love as much as duty, which makes it even harder to escape, but it's preventing them from living their own lives and chasing their own dreams. Neither option is a good one…

halfshellvenus October 27 2013, 06:39:52 UTC

There's a sense that they're trapped by love as much as duty, which makes it even harder to escape
That's completely true-- the combination of the two makes for a very solid prison, where self-doubts are the only things that ever get free. But I think the saddest thing in all of this is that we understand, and we know why it seems there's only one choice to make.

Thanks so much for reading and commenting!

i_love_freddie October 27 2013, 19:42:57 UTC

I liked this - it's very sad. You do a good job of painting strong emotion in a very small amount of words.

halfshellvenus October 31 2013, 01:05:05 UTC

Thank you!

I think that's my drabble background coming through. Sometimes, my short stories are surprisingly dense in terms of the emotion/action in them. I thought this one would become longer, but it turned out that it was always intended to be very short.

Thanks for reading!

foxrafer November 14 2013, 23:15:58 UTC

There's a definite sense of feeling stuck, the days running together, not feeling like she can leave even if she wants to. It's a very relatable piece, with the character feeling bound to a place where she can't see a future for herself and yet she feels it would be too big of a personal sacrifice for her to leave her family. The sadness of the situation is conveyed very well.

halfshellvenus November 15 2013, 06:51:10 UTC

with the character feeling bound to a place where she can't see a future for herself and yet she feels it would be too big of a personal sacrifice for her to leave her family.
Thank you-- I really wanted to capture that sense of her being stuck and yet being at war with herself over the fact that leaving might come at far too high a cost.

Thanks for reading and commenting!