This is the World I Know
I woke up this morning feeling like shit. i hate the days when i feel like an emotional wreck and i cant pin point exactly why i feel that way. My body just feels so tired and worn. My mind feels even worse. Kinda like scrammbled eggs. i know im not even making complete sentences and i dont even care. i feel like i could sit in a corner and space off for hours....not thinking about anything in paticular. I would be satisfied with that. However, i have responsibilties to attend to. So i will go on with my day as if i am really here. Little do people know....im not. im off in some world wishing to be invisible. Wishing to get away from the responsibilites of the world. I wish to have a vacation....but there would never be enough time to get to a better place. makes me wonder how many other people feel the exact same way. I put on a smile and for maybe a moment someone will say something funny.....maybe it will give me a speck of joy.....but it never lasts. I always come back to this place.....this place of darkeness.....loneliness......dispare. while i was driving in my car i was listening to the radio......103.5 had a segment dedicated to 9/11. i hadent even remembered that it even was 9/11. this made the day feel worse. its very twisted but...usually others pain makes me feel like i have company. Not today. today i felt worse. knowing that others....innocent people died.....people lost their loved ones.....so sick. I am starting to believe there is a hell......we live in it everyday. people believe that we go through bad things in our lives to learn things along the way. Im starting to wonder if it is worth it? should others have to suffer just so that i can learn something? so cruel......humans are such selfish creatures. It saddens me to know that i am one of them......at the same time can i say that i know any better? we live in such a hypocritical society......we kill people that kill people to teach people not to kill people. do we really have that right? do we have the right to say when someone else's life should end? we didnt have a say in when they were brought into this world.....y should someone have a say so when that life ends? in my opinion.....they should be allowed to be just as miserable as i am living in this world full of pain. As long as they are in a place where they cant harm others......but then u have tax payers that complain about paying to house these people. Little do their ignorant asses know that it is far more expensive to kill them than it is to house them. But they dont care about that....its all worth the money if they can fullfill their obsession with revenge. dont get me wrong.....these people dont deserve to breathe the air that they breathe and people are hurt by them.....but who are we to make that decision? cruel cruel world........ i should end this entry....i have gone on for too long already. somehow this entry has relieved some of that nagging feeling. maybe the rest of the day wont be so bad.........