Hold Tight. Pray Hard. And Wait.
I don't know what to do. I'm passing time the way that I know how. Writing my novels, fixing my future company, studying for my future career, working out...but I don't wanna feel this hurt. This pain of waiting, of always waiting for something, not being able to make the most out of something. Being just okay. Standing on the side lines. I don't want to be a slave to time, to uncertainty. I get that life is about being uncertain and just going at it with your heart open to possibilities. But it doesn't make anything easier, realizing any of this.
I promised to wait. Promised to wait until a month. After that, I can't do it any longer. I need to move on. I need to feel alive. I don't want to be in a cage anymore. All this time I feel like I am living in a block of ice waiting for something to make a hole enough for me to break free. But all I can see are small cracks that won't penetrate. I'm trying to be as ready as I can...but I just--I'm afraid. This is hard. All I can do really is pray. I can't influence anything anymore. I am tired. Used. I need something different already. Living is so much harder than not.
I promised to wait. Promised to wait until a month. After that, I can't do it any longer. I need to move on. I need to feel alive. I don't want to be in a cage anymore. All this time I feel like I am living in a block of ice waiting for something to make a hole enough for me to break free. But all I can see are small cracks that won't penetrate. I'm trying to be as ready as I can...but I just--I'm afraid. This is hard. All I can do really is pray. I can't influence anything anymore. I am tired. Used. I need something different already. Living is so much harder than not.