(no subject)
today has been a vary disapointing day i did get my cloths washed tho and i got to take a shower which always makes me feal better just for the record i FUCKING HATE THE MEGA BEAST!! and as much as i dont want to say it i hate her little love toy too and michelle tryed to jump in ofr me but she did just wat i didnt want her to and it really fucking pissed me off do i seem like the type that cant defend myself? i dk the only good part of the day was haveing shawn here and linty too but its ore shawn that i fall back on, if we hadnt become good friends again i would probaly be thinking of killing myself, i talked to foss yesterday i love the fact that hes told me all this shit wrote me letters and asked me out and then i see him at a show and he doesnt say hi becuz he doesnt know if it was me or not i find that very funny poor boy so im still rather depressed and i have no one to talk to about it my insides are folding in on top of me i didnt get shit done today that i wanted to if i did maybe id be in a better mood but as it stands im kinda feeling like fuck you all and curling up into a ball and going to sleep sometimes i hope ill never wake up and then i do so i get on the bus those are the sometimes i lean my head against the window and hope going over some bump ill hit my head just righti have no expectations i could do watever i want to do thats wat i worked for in my school life but i have no expectations except maybe to die wat the hell does this world want me for neways its ok you dont have to listen to me babble on im just upset at who? fuck if i know so ill just go with my self i wish i could just give up but you bastards wont let me i dont understand why i have to b jerked around like this why cant people make it easy why cant you just tell me wat you want from me why i have to be the special one it hurts so much the other day i went to the lake and memories flooded into my head then i started thinking about the first few weeks of us those are the things i want to remember those are the thing ill never forget i remember the fights if i want to but i dont if youve grown up so much more then me then maybe you can admit to some of your wrongs if you want me you need to show me you can b a good friend to me first becuz it feels like you dont know me nemore we need to talk at some point you and me face to face and we need to not get mad at eachother they always make me eat when i dont want to ihate fucking being here i need to get the fuck out of this town and im starting to cry again my head is so fucked up and confused i dont know wat the fuck to do with myself nemroe i really hope i get into some freak accident wat do i have that makes me happy in this life nothing nothing at this point i sit up in my room and do nothing becuz this town offer nothing and even when i try tro get out of the house im still fucked over by cops little girls whoever decides to fuck up my day ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh