an appetizer
So basically Heavy Shit is going down in the other journal post and I'm probably going to have a big fat essay to do on it when it's done with but it's not done with yet and I'm sitting here like BUT THE ESSAY! I WANT TO ESSAY! HOW CAN I WAIT ON ESSAYING!?
So have a miniessay on something about Devit that comes up in camp a LOT and which isn't him disowning his family, but I've been meaning to ramble about it for a while anyway.
This came up in PM with Roadkuren, actually, and it comes up in threads with Shuri CONSTANTLY. If you follow Devit at all, well, for one thing, don't tell me sob, and for another thing you may have noticed that he's like, the world's biggest hypocrite. He is constantly giving advice that he doesn't follow, or saying things that his actions are not at all in line with, or slamming other people for things he does himself. It's just--one of his personality traits. Sometimes I feel a little weird about it because he'll be in a thread with Shuri and for instance, he'll say something like "You're fucked up but still a good person!" or "You need to have some more confidence and work out your own shit before you worry about other people loving you!" or "You're such a hypocrite!" And it's like, BUT DEVIT IS ALSO . . . FUCKED UP/A QUESTIONABLE PERSON (the question of how good a person he is and how he thinks of that is complicated and NOT THIS ESSAY) AND LACKS CONFIDENCE AND IS A HYPOCRITE AND IS TOO SENSITIVE SO WHY IS HE ACCUSING SHURI OF ALL THAT . . .
Well, because he is a hypocrite, FOR A FEW REASONS.
I essayed on one aspect of this before! Some of this is caused by the fact that Devit's empathy is very low, and it remains that way to this day, a year later in camp. It's gotten BETTER, and he no longer has the empathy of a complete sociopath, but it's still extremely poor. Devit has a really hard time making the connection between himself and other people. Thoughts like "This person was a dick to me! On the other hand, I guess I told them to blow me first. How would I feel if someone told me to blow them?" just do not ever enter his head. His thought process stops at "This person was a dick to me!" and GOES NO FURTHER. At this point his empathy has developed to the point where if someone else points it out to him, he can think about it and see the logic; originally he couldn't even do it if someone pointed it out. But it's still just not how his mind works. Devit reacts to other people's treatment of him regardless of what he did to evoke that treatment. None of it is ever his FAULT, which I think is a really important aspect of Devit that he retains even though he's matured in other ways recently.
In other words, Devit just projects his feelings onto everyone (this is like, one of his/Jasdevi's defining traits in the manga), while not considering anyone else's thought processes or self, or trying to figure out how they tick, or even realizing that they do tick. He also doesn't consider his own feelings or thoughts that much, except when he's forced to. Devit's self-realizations all have to do with actions and their consequences, not about his own thoughts and feelings. Like, he talked about this with Hakuren recently--after two years in camp, Devit has finally realized that he needs to grow up a little, because when he does whatever he wants, he creates consequences that he doesn't want, which sucks. Devit is working hard on his maturity right now for this reason: because he's figured out the pattern of his actions and the consequences. At the same time, despite all his maturing and introspection and all he's learned about the world, Devit still has not realized the most basic of things about himself. He doesn't know that he's insecure. He doesn't know that he craves acceptance and that he hates being alone. He doesn't even know that he's childish, even though he is working on his maturity. IT'S KIND OF SAD. For Devit, the world consists of what happens to you when you do stuff, and so if that's not good, you do different stuff, and it has nothing to do with who you are as a person.
(Incidentally this is where the confusion Devit has on "what makes a person a good person" comes from, BUT NO ANOTHER ESSAY SOB!)
Anyway, the funny thing about that is that it's . . . directly counter to the advice he gave to Shuri, which actually made him think FOR A MOMENT about all these things, but he's since put it on the back burner. Shuri's problem was that he didn't know who the real Shuri was, and Devit's solution was that he take some time to himself to think about it, which Shuri did. P.S. Shuri if you're reading this you should essay on that. This is a test to see if you're reading this.
But again, this is Shuri and not Devit. Devit doesn't make the connection. He sees humans (well, all other people) from an outsider's perspective, in his way; he still has sociopathic traits and still doesn't attribute people with emotions and thought processes, just observes their actions. They are Not Him. So when Shuri acts insecure, he should realize his worth and stop being insecure, and that has nothing to do with Devit being insecure, WHICH OBVIOUSLY HE'S NOT, ARE YOU CRAZY! And when he doesn't know who he is, he should figure out who he is, but it'd be SILLY for Devit to take that same advice, because Devit isn't Shuri, right, they don't have anything in common! And if Shuri is a jerk to him because Devit was a jerk first, all that matters is that Shuri was a jerk, so Devit's allowed to be mad, because he was a jerk, but the fact that Shuri is also mad because Devit was a jerk, which is the exact same thing Devit feels totally justified in doing, does not even occur to him, and it certainly doesn't justify Shuri in being a jerk! To DEVIT! God damn!!
tl;dr so far: Devit projects his own experiences onto other people while at the same time being completely unable to understand anyone else's feelings or take his own advice, because he fails at humanity and understanding that people have feelings. He will observe someone doing something, and if he doesn't like it, he'll tell them to knock it the fuck off, but his mind doesn't work in such a way that allows him to go "Heeeey, if I hate it when they do this, maybe they also hate it when I do that!" unless it's specifically pointed out to him and he thinks real hard. :(
THIS IS THE OTHER THING, THOUGH. So Devit is a hypocrite about the advice he gives and the demands he makes of people because he can't observe his own behavior well or connect other people's selves to himself. But there's another aspect to this that comes into play when he gets mad at people for things they do to him. This is what came up in conversation with Road, and it's come up IC with Tyki before too, and probably countless other people.
Devit's unaware of the hypocrisy I just talked about, but he's aware of the other kind, the kind that goes "Hey! Devit! You can't get mad at me for laughing at you for doing XXX! You'd do the same thing in my shoes!" That is another thing he does, and that one he's aware of, and he gets sick of people bringing it up, because to him the answer is pretty obvious.
Devit knows he's an asshole. Sometimes in threads people ICly forget this about him and try to guilt him with the above argument, but it never works, and that's why! Devit knows that he is a jerk, and he expects the consequences of being a jerk (when he knows he is being one). This is pretty evident in his character, I think. Devit isn't the kind of guy who does wrong because he doesn't realize it's wrong--at least, not this kind of wrong. It's the difference between a five-year-old who comes home from the babysitter's house and says "Mommy, what does fuck mean?" because they don't know it's a bad word, and . . . Devit, who is the exact opposite.
The thing about Devit is that everything about him is calculated on his part, and in some cases even faked, to make him more of an asshole. LOOK AT HIS SPEECH PATTERN LOL. Look at the way he dresses and his makeup! The fanbook makes this comment about "a punkish look with bondage fashion and thick, unusual makeup, as if to hide their neat and tidy true selves," and I buy it. Devit's whole persona is extremely calculated to make himself look tough and to hide the real Devit from everyone else, and to keep other people away. He makes himself look scary and he talks scary, even though he's a crybaby and a half-a-bee and a little kid. So Devit absolutely knows that he's a bastard, because he puts a lot of energy into being a bastard (and, incidentally, tires of it sometimes). He's also well aware and accepting of the consequences of his actions when he realizes they're wrong. When he shirks and/or fails at his duties as a Noah, he knows that the Earl's going to punish him without needing to be told, and his reaction isn't "But why, we didn't do anything wrong!" Sometimes Devit does know when he's not doing the right thing, and often it's deliberate.
Which means he can easily recognize that behavior in others, and he doesn't give them a free pass for it. If he's off somewhere crying and Tyki comes up and kicks him in the face for shits and giggles (not that this would happen, BUT JUST FOR EXAMPLE!), the fact that Devit would have done the same to him doesn't mean he's not going to be mad at Tyki for it, because he knows that it's a dick move EVEN THOUGH he would have done it himself. When people throw back "You'd do it too!" at him, his reaction is basically . . . so what? Yeah I would. And I'd expect to get kicked in the balls for it because I'd be an asshole for having done it. Then I'd be mad at you for kicking me in the balls even though I too would have kicked you in the balls, and then--AND SO ON. :'D
These two kinds of hypocrisy rolled up into one person make for some fun times with Devit getting extremely upset at people for stuff that is completely understandable, and sometimes for stuff that he himself is doing in the same conversation, or for him giving someone perfectly good advice on a situation and then having no idea what to do himself when he finds himself in the exact same situation. IT'S FUN. :'D And actually, he is getting a little bit better at it; on occasion now, he has the presence of mind to stop himself and say "Wait, I realized how to deal with this last month, when it was happening to that other guy." Sometimes the lightbulb even goes off as he's giving the advice! But these instances are still not really up to par with a normal, self-aware human being. But he's working on it. :(d IN THE MEANTIME, HE STILL SORT OF SUCKS AS A PERSON and yes, is a complete hypocrite in laughable, obvious ways in his threads.
DO I GET A FREE PASS OUT OF ESSAYING ON CURRENT EVENTS NOW :B
So have a miniessay on something about Devit that comes up in camp a LOT and which isn't him disowning his family, but I've been meaning to ramble about it for a while anyway.
This came up in PM with Roadkuren, actually, and it comes up in threads with Shuri CONSTANTLY. If you follow Devit at all, well, for one thing, don't tell me sob, and for another thing you may have noticed that he's like, the world's biggest hypocrite. He is constantly giving advice that he doesn't follow, or saying things that his actions are not at all in line with, or slamming other people for things he does himself. It's just--one of his personality traits. Sometimes I feel a little weird about it because he'll be in a thread with Shuri and for instance, he'll say something like "You're fucked up but still a good person!" or "You need to have some more confidence and work out your own shit before you worry about other people loving you!" or "You're such a hypocrite!" And it's like, BUT DEVIT IS ALSO . . . FUCKED UP/A QUESTIONABLE PERSON (the question of how good a person he is and how he thinks of that is complicated and NOT THIS ESSAY) AND LACKS CONFIDENCE AND IS A HYPOCRITE AND IS TOO SENSITIVE SO WHY IS HE ACCUSING SHURI OF ALL THAT . . .
Well, because he is a hypocrite, FOR A FEW REASONS.
I essayed on one aspect of this before! Some of this is caused by the fact that Devit's empathy is very low, and it remains that way to this day, a year later in camp. It's gotten BETTER, and he no longer has the empathy of a complete sociopath, but it's still extremely poor. Devit has a really hard time making the connection between himself and other people. Thoughts like "This person was a dick to me! On the other hand, I guess I told them to blow me first. How would I feel if someone told me to blow them?" just do not ever enter his head. His thought process stops at "This person was a dick to me!" and GOES NO FURTHER. At this point his empathy has developed to the point where if someone else points it out to him, he can think about it and see the logic; originally he couldn't even do it if someone pointed it out. But it's still just not how his mind works. Devit reacts to other people's treatment of him regardless of what he did to evoke that treatment. None of it is ever his FAULT, which I think is a really important aspect of Devit that he retains even though he's matured in other ways recently.
In other words, Devit just projects his feelings onto everyone (this is like, one of his/Jasdevi's defining traits in the manga), while not considering anyone else's thought processes or self, or trying to figure out how they tick, or even realizing that they do tick. He also doesn't consider his own feelings or thoughts that much, except when he's forced to. Devit's self-realizations all have to do with actions and their consequences, not about his own thoughts and feelings. Like, he talked about this with Hakuren recently--after two years in camp, Devit has finally realized that he needs to grow up a little, because when he does whatever he wants, he creates consequences that he doesn't want, which sucks. Devit is working hard on his maturity right now for this reason: because he's figured out the pattern of his actions and the consequences. At the same time, despite all his maturing and introspection and all he's learned about the world, Devit still has not realized the most basic of things about himself. He doesn't know that he's insecure. He doesn't know that he craves acceptance and that he hates being alone. He doesn't even know that he's childish, even though he is working on his maturity. IT'S KIND OF SAD. For Devit, the world consists of what happens to you when you do stuff, and so if that's not good, you do different stuff, and it has nothing to do with who you are as a person.
(Incidentally this is where the confusion Devit has on "what makes a person a good person" comes from, BUT NO ANOTHER ESSAY SOB!)
Anyway, the funny thing about that is that it's . . . directly counter to the advice he gave to Shuri, which actually made him think FOR A MOMENT about all these things, but he's since put it on the back burner. Shuri's problem was that he didn't know who the real Shuri was, and Devit's solution was that he take some time to himself to think about it, which Shuri did. P.S. Shuri if you're reading this you should essay on that. This is a test to see if you're reading this.
But again, this is Shuri and not Devit. Devit doesn't make the connection. He sees humans (well, all other people) from an outsider's perspective, in his way; he still has sociopathic traits and still doesn't attribute people with emotions and thought processes, just observes their actions. They are Not Him. So when Shuri acts insecure, he should realize his worth and stop being insecure, and that has nothing to do with Devit being insecure, WHICH OBVIOUSLY HE'S NOT, ARE YOU CRAZY! And when he doesn't know who he is, he should figure out who he is, but it'd be SILLY for Devit to take that same advice, because Devit isn't Shuri, right, they don't have anything in common! And if Shuri is a jerk to him because Devit was a jerk first, all that matters is that Shuri was a jerk, so Devit's allowed to be mad, because he was a jerk, but the fact that Shuri is also mad because Devit was a jerk, which is the exact same thing Devit feels totally justified in doing, does not even occur to him, and it certainly doesn't justify Shuri in being a jerk! To DEVIT! God damn!!
tl;dr so far: Devit projects his own experiences onto other people while at the same time being completely unable to understand anyone else's feelings or take his own advice, because he fails at humanity and understanding that people have feelings. He will observe someone doing something, and if he doesn't like it, he'll tell them to knock it the fuck off, but his mind doesn't work in such a way that allows him to go "Heeeey, if I hate it when they do this, maybe they also hate it when I do that!" unless it's specifically pointed out to him and he thinks real hard. :(
THIS IS THE OTHER THING, THOUGH. So Devit is a hypocrite about the advice he gives and the demands he makes of people because he can't observe his own behavior well or connect other people's selves to himself. But there's another aspect to this that comes into play when he gets mad at people for things they do to him. This is what came up in conversation with Road, and it's come up IC with Tyki before too, and probably countless other people.
Devit's unaware of the hypocrisy I just talked about, but he's aware of the other kind, the kind that goes "Hey! Devit! You can't get mad at me for laughing at you for doing XXX! You'd do the same thing in my shoes!" That is another thing he does, and that one he's aware of, and he gets sick of people bringing it up, because to him the answer is pretty obvious.
Devit knows he's an asshole. Sometimes in threads people ICly forget this about him and try to guilt him with the above argument, but it never works, and that's why! Devit knows that he is a jerk, and he expects the consequences of being a jerk (when he knows he is being one). This is pretty evident in his character, I think. Devit isn't the kind of guy who does wrong because he doesn't realize it's wrong--at least, not this kind of wrong. It's the difference between a five-year-old who comes home from the babysitter's house and says "Mommy, what does fuck mean?" because they don't know it's a bad word, and . . . Devit, who is the exact opposite.
The thing about Devit is that everything about him is calculated on his part, and in some cases even faked, to make him more of an asshole. LOOK AT HIS SPEECH PATTERN LOL. Look at the way he dresses and his makeup! The fanbook makes this comment about "a punkish look with bondage fashion and thick, unusual makeup, as if to hide their neat and tidy true selves," and I buy it. Devit's whole persona is extremely calculated to make himself look tough and to hide the real Devit from everyone else, and to keep other people away. He makes himself look scary and he talks scary, even though he's a crybaby and a half-a-bee and a little kid. So Devit absolutely knows that he's a bastard, because he puts a lot of energy into being a bastard (and, incidentally, tires of it sometimes). He's also well aware and accepting of the consequences of his actions when he realizes they're wrong. When he shirks and/or fails at his duties as a Noah, he knows that the Earl's going to punish him without needing to be told, and his reaction isn't "But why, we didn't do anything wrong!" Sometimes Devit does know when he's not doing the right thing, and often it's deliberate.
Which means he can easily recognize that behavior in others, and he doesn't give them a free pass for it. If he's off somewhere crying and Tyki comes up and kicks him in the face for shits and giggles (not that this would happen, BUT JUST FOR EXAMPLE!), the fact that Devit would have done the same to him doesn't mean he's not going to be mad at Tyki for it, because he knows that it's a dick move EVEN THOUGH he would have done it himself. When people throw back "You'd do it too!" at him, his reaction is basically . . . so what? Yeah I would. And I'd expect to get kicked in the balls for it because I'd be an asshole for having done it. Then I'd be mad at you for kicking me in the balls even though I too would have kicked you in the balls, and then--AND SO ON. :'D
These two kinds of hypocrisy rolled up into one person make for some fun times with Devit getting extremely upset at people for stuff that is completely understandable, and sometimes for stuff that he himself is doing in the same conversation, or for him giving someone perfectly good advice on a situation and then having no idea what to do himself when he finds himself in the exact same situation. IT'S FUN. :'D And actually, he is getting a little bit better at it; on occasion now, he has the presence of mind to stop himself and say "Wait, I realized how to deal with this last month, when it was happening to that other guy." Sometimes the lightbulb even goes off as he's giving the advice! But these instances are still not really up to par with a normal, self-aware human being. But he's working on it. :(d IN THE MEANTIME, HE STILL SORT OF SUCKS AS A PERSON and yes, is a complete hypocrite in laughable, obvious ways in his threads.
DO I GET A FREE PASS OUT OF ESSAYING ON CURRENT EVENTS NOW :B