Revelations Cycle Eleventh Iteration: As Men Sow, Men Reap
This took entirely too long.
<==
~~~
AA: solomon
TA: aradiia can we plea2e cut the shiit. y0u kn0w iit'2 me.
AA: ah
AA: i was afraid of this
TA: what are y0u talkiing ab0ut?
TA: ii2n't thii2 what we've been w0rkiing t0ward2?
TA: ii can be wiith y0u s00n.
AA: very well then
AA: i see that its already begun
TA: kk t0ld me that he helped y0u get tw0 g0d tiier.
TA: wa2 he lyiing?
AA: hes not karkat anymore
TA: what the fuck are you talkiing ab0ut?
TA: 0f c0urse he ii2. wh0 el2e w0uld he be?
AA: himself
AA: theres nothing i can say to dissuade you from pursuing your current course of action then
AA: but please be careful
AA: no matter what form you take i wish to see you one last time
AA: im sorry solomon
AA: i never was good at being your moirail
AA: balancing you was too big a job for one person alone i think
AA: and i dont think ive been a very good matesprit either
AA: if i was i could have saved you
---
"This is stupid," Karl informed the two of them as they walked, but it was painfully obvious that the only one listening was the dragon. "Just, you know, pointing that out, because this is monumentally stupid and if you guys are going to emulate lemmings then you might as well have the decency to leave me out of it."
"So go see what Earl and Nell are up to," Teri drawled, not even bothering to glance over her shoulder. "No one's stopping you."
"But if I do, then you'll get yourself killed," Karl whined, well aware that he sounded like a petulant child but unable to stop himself. "And then Nell will cry, and I hate it when Nell cries."
"I thought that getting ourselves killed was, um, the objective here," Timm offered timidly, glancing back at Karl and maintaining eye contact only for the briefest of seconds. "But in... the good way? If that makes sense? Wait, I'm confused."
Teri sighed, exasperated, and paused, turning to glare at the two of them from behind those damn cheesy red plastic shades that never failed to be ridiculously unnerving. "Look, it's simple, okay? Find quest bed, die on quest bed, achieve god tier, everyone's happy and we have a better chance of winning the game. And no offense, Timm, but you really need god powers if you're going to get through alive this time."
Timm gulped, staring at her with wide and bulging eyes. "This time?"
Karl side-eyed her as well as he took his phone from his pocket again. No new messages. His heart sank straight into the pit of his stomach where a ball of mixed anger and self-loathing was forming, heavy as a stone. "Implying that there were other times?" he grumped, thinking himself snide and sarcastic but only half meaning it. The other half was shaken despite himself, thinking back to Egbert's warnings, subtext reading of cycles and cycles, thousands of games played. He shook his head, hard-- it was nonsense, all of it. It had to be.
Huffing, Teri went on, making for the only landmark on the horizon, a mesa that squatted above miles of empty, parched, and used-up land. "Honestly, neither of you? You both have patron trolls. I know that yours is an idiot, Karl, but I didn't think Jadite was defective."
"Jadite?" Karl asked, looking towards Timm in a vaguely accusatory manner.
"GG," he responded dismally, watching the ground. "I don't know why I haven't blocked her yet. She hates me."
"It's because you're a masochist," Teri cackled, and Timm only blushed, which made her laugh harder, the sound echoing and lingering maliciously in the still, empty air. "No, but honestly, if you haven't learned by now, I can't tell you. Just know that the three of us are important, and it's important for us to get to godtier like Alice did."
Rolling his eyes, Karl elbowed Timm none too lightly in the ribs, causing the other boy to wince pronouncedly and clutch at his side, growling, "Hope today's a good day for you to die, Timm. Teri won't go lightly on you."
She nodded, sagely, leaning heavily on Lemonsnout's shoulder again for support; she still hobbled on her twisted ankle, but the swelling was already going down, and she no longer limped as noticeably, Karl was glad to see. "That's true. Tell me, do you think it would hurt to get stabbed in the throat?"
When Timm gurgled incomprehensibly in maddened fright Karl patted his shoulder in sympathy. "Don't mind her, she's fucking crazy. But you must know that-- you spend more time with her than I do, these days."
"I didn't know she was like this outside of LARPing," Timm told him, half frantically, and Karl turned his consoling motion into a push, shoving him closer to the blind girl as Karl himself fell back a ways.
"Yeah, she's a man eater. Have fun dealing with that." Then he spoke up, direction his energies at Teri-- "Hey, I'm going to see if I can get one of our fairy god trolls back on the line for awhile, okay? I want to know if this 'getting everyone we know and love brutally murdered' shtick is actually anything resembling a good idea, or if you're just pulling this out of your ass again."
"Try Kate," Teri suggested, sounding bored. "She was telling me about an online guide she found, awhile back. It was actually pretty useful for figuring out how to alchemize stuff-- she helped me with these snazzy clothes." Grinning, Teri held out her arms and twirled in a circle, showing off her fashion as Karl clapped in the most insincere manner he could manage. "At least, I think they're snazzy," Teri amended when she'd finished, face falling slightly. "I wouldn't know, would I?"
"They're, um, very nice," Timm stuttered, mostly looking at the ground, and Karl sighed as they moved on again, mashing a few buttons on his phone.
-- abysmalGuardian [AG] began pestering gildedAxiom [GA] at 21:04! --
AG: HEY, KATE. SO, YOU'RE IN ON THIS THING, HUH?
GA: Yes. So Far, I Do Not See What The Commotion Is About.
GA: Eric And I Managed To Place All The Equipment In Record Time, Though Operating It Is A Bit Of A Chore. As Soon As I Have Finished With These Frogs, I May Go Visit Him.
AG: ERIC? FROGS? WHAT THE SHIT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
GA: Perhaps This Requires A Smidgeon Of Extra Exposition.
GA: You See, I Found An Online Help Guide To The Game We Are Playing, Which Rather Perplexed Me.
AG: YEAH, TERI TOLD ME. THAT'S WHAT I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT, ACTUALLY.
GA: Please Refrain From Interrupting When Other People Are Talking, Karl, It Is Very Rude Of You And One Of Your Worst Characteristics, I Am Afraid.
AG: YEAH, YEAH, SORRY. WHAT ABOUT THE GUIDE, THEN?
GA: You Should Be.
GA: As I Was Saying, Upon Realizing The Dire Straights I Was In, Trapped Without A Proper Weapon, I Contacted The Guide's Purveyor In Order To Ascertain How Her Knowledge Of Our Current Circumstances Came About, And For Further Advice In Slaughtering Imps And Ascending The Ladder of Human Turmoil To Succeed.
GA: I.E. Not Die.
AG: AND?
GA: Ahem.
AG: UGH. SORRY. PLEASE, YOUR HIGHNESS, DO GO ON.
GA: Well, After Speaking With The Young Woman And Hearing A Few Of Her Daring Exploits, I Was Roped Into A Scheme Of Sorts. It Involves Frogs, And Will Apparently Give Our Session A More Favorable Outcome.
AG: OH YEAH? WELL, SHIT, I GUESS YOU SHOULD JUST KEEP DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING WITHOUT ME BOTHERING YOU, THEN. COULD YOU LINK ME TO YOUR GUIDE, AT LEAST? I'M TRYING TO FIGURE MY OWN SHIT OUT HERE AND KEEP TERI FROM GOING OFF TOO EARLY AND KILLING SOMEONE. IT'S LIKE SOMEONE POURED ITCHING POWDER ALL OVER HER TRIGGER FINGER OR SOMETHING, I SWEAR TO GOD.
GA: I Sympathize, But I Am Not Certain You Would Find It Helpful.
GA: It Is Not Designed For Advanced Players Such As Yourself.
GA: By Which I Mean If You Are Already Inside The Game, It Will Not Be Useful To You.
AG: SHIT. BACK TO PLAN A, I GUESS. WHY DOES EVERYTHING ALWAYS HAVE TO BE NEEDLESSLY GODDAMN CONVOLUTED?
GA: Because The Universe Hates You.
GA: ...That Was A Joke.
AG: COULD HAVE FUCKING FOOLED ME.
Snarling in frustration, Karl opened his chumroll again, and scrolled down to the absolute last entry, loathing himself for it. There was no other recourse. Teri would obviously go flying the rest of the way off her rocker soon, and then god only knew what sort of trouble they'd all be in.
AG: SO LOOK I KIND OF HATE MYSELF FOR THIS BUT HERE I AM, ON MY KNEES, GROVELING AT YOUR E-FEET AS I PROSTRATE MYSELF AT THE ALTAR OF THIS PHONE, BEGGING FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE.
GG: about time! i was getting bored over here.
AG: WEREN'T YOU WORKING ON SOME PROJECT?
GG: i am! the beta version is almost done, though. we're just waiting for it to charge, and that's booooring.
GG: so i guess i promised you some answers, didn't i?
GG: but i'm not going to tell you.
AG: WHY THE SHIT NOT? GODDAMN IT, IF I EVER MEET ANY OF YOU TROLLS I SWEAR I WILL SHOVE MY FOOT SO FAR UP YOUR ASSHOLES OR CHITINOUS PROTEIN CHUTES OR WHATEVER IT IS YOU HAVE SO FAR THAT YOU'LL BE SPITTING OUT SHOELACES FOR A WEEK.
GG: hehe. it's because you're funny when you're mad! ;)
AG: ...OH HEY IF YOU'RE ON BREAK THEN EGBERT IS TOO. I GUESS I MIGHT AS WELL SHAKE HIM DOWN FOR ANSWERS INSTEAD. ALSO, FUCK OFF, HARLEY.
GG: who told you my name was harley? :o
AG: NO ONE HAD TO TELL ME. IT JUST IS.
GG: you're right.
GG: so i guess you're remembering, then. just a little bit, but it's enough!
GG: that earns you a thing, then.
AG: ...WHAT KIND OF THING?
AG: A GOOD THING, OR A STUPID BULLSHIT THING THAT WILL MAKE ME WANT TO NEVER STOP STABBING YOU?
GG: the first one... i think.
AG: ALRIGHT. LET'S TRY THIS ON A PROBATIONARY CONCERN, THEN. WHAT DID I EARN?
GG: it's about jawwhn, so you might not like it.
AG: IF IT'S ABOUT EGBERT, I WANT TO HEAR IT.
AG: OR... SHIT, WERE YOU WATCHING WHEN I WAS TALKING TO THE CENTAUR KING?
GG: no, but i can look it up. hold on.
AG: HOLDING.
AG: BUT IMPATIENTLY, SO HURRY THIS SHIT UP.
GG: oh! i see. you saw a boy, didn't you? a human boy, black hair, glasses, world's most endearing dorky smile?
GG: you just wanted to cuddle him, didn't you?
AG: I'D SEEN HIM BEFORE. I... DREAMED ABOUT HIM. I THINK. BUT THE HIM I DREAMED ABOUT HAD HORNS AND TEETH LIKE A SHARK, AND... I DON'T KNOW. I THOUGHT MIMIR'S WELL WAS SUPPOSED TO SHOW ME MY FATE OR MY DESTINY OR WHATEVER.
GG: it did.
GG: that boy, the one you've been dreaming about?
GG: that's jawwhn.
Karl's heart stopped for a full fifteen seconds as cold sweat drenched his entire body. It couldn't be true, it just couldn't. There was no way the reassuring presence in his dreams, the arms he'd secretly longed to fall into and embrace for eternity, be wrapped up in and dragged into the world of darkness and sleep forever... there was no way that had been Egbert the whole time. Karl wouldn't allow it to be true.
And yet...
And yet, if it was, then the emotion festering in his breast that he could not accept was longing was justified, made sense. More than made sense, was obvious, as he instinctively knew Teri's for the red text douchebag was. Karl's world was shattered, but Jadite was still typing, and he read on, stunned, hoping for real answers.
GG: he's your... i don't know what to call him. not a kismesis, not really a moirail or a matesprit, definitely not an auspistice.
GG: not a husband, either.
GG: what you guys are doesn't have a quadrant, on earth or where i come from either, i don't think.
AG: WAIT, WHAT?
AG: NO. THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE. HE'S... HE'S NOT HUMAN, IS HE? NONE OF YOU ARE. NONE OF YOU ARE REAL.
GG: of course we're real!
GG: but no, we're not human. we're trolls. real trolls, in every sense of the word.
GG: but unlike internet trolls, we really do want the best for you.
GG: and we want to meet you!
GG: especially jawwhn. he misses you something fierce, and he's technically never even met you.
AG: SO THAT'S WHY I'VE BEEN DREAMING ABOUT HIM? THIS FATE NONSENSE?
GG: fated partners. we all have one, i guess-- it's kind of the backbone of romance, karl, come on.
AG: AND YOU'RE SAYING THAT EGBERT IS MINE? JUST BECAUSE I DIDN'T TELL HIM TO FUCK OFF ENOUGH IN THE PAST?
GG: even if you had, it wouldn't have made a difference. i don't think you're understanding the concept here, karl.
GG: your romance was destined to be, but that doesn't mean it has to end well, or even last longer than a few moments in time.
GG: you were doomed by the past actions of a person who wasn't even really you.
AG: LIKE... REINCARNATION? I LOVED HIM IN A PREVIOUS LIFE SO NOW I HAVE TO FOREVER?
GG: not... really. because even your earliest self didn't really choose it!
GG: you could call it god, i guess, though god as a concept doesn't make much sense anymore.
GG: just... fate. destiny.
GG: anyway, you don't really want to not love him.
GG: if your soul wasn't reaching out to him as his is to you, you wouldn't be having these dreams.
AG: I AM NOT A HOMOSEXUAL, GODDAMN IT.
GG: you don't have to be. just... egbertsexual.
Rageful, pride broken, Karl snapped his phone shut without another invective and bile filled word, resisting the urge to dash the device against the ground and be done with it. "Not helpful?" Teri asked, sounding sincere in her empathy.
"Not one little goddamn cocksucking bit," Karl replied, and stopped, noticing that Teri and her dragon had, too, and that they were standing in the shadow of the mesa now. It wasn't really that tall, maybe two hundred feet up with a series of short, easily climbed ledges leading to the top, and Lemonsnout had already put his front talons up on the lowest one, providing his back as a ramp for them to shimmy up.
"Well, put it out of your mind and let's get going," Teri told him firmly, already swinging a leg up over Lemonsnout. "We've got a long way to go and not a lot of time to do it in, if certain authorities are to be believed."
"Certain authorities?" Timm piped up, nearly squeaking, doubtlessly thinking of Jadite. Karl understood exactly how he felt.
Glowering and tensing himself, Karl followed Teri, motioning for Timm to follow. "I've had enough of trolls to last me five lifetimes," he muttered, and Teri laughed.
"Oh, for many more than that, Vates," she practically purred, fondly, pausing after disembarking from the dragon's broad neck to pat Karl on the head as he came up, Timm still slowing crawling up the long column of Lemonsnout's golden back. "But again, don't think about that now. Timm's quest bed is up here, I can just feel it in my bones."
Karl could feel something too, if he tried, and it disquieted him. In his bones, in his blood, beating in his heart, pulsing in the deep tissue of red organ meat, burning in his brain, was a profound sensation of wrongness, foulness, something vile poisoning reality's well. The higher they climbed, struggling up on their own now with Timm huffing and puffing in the rear, his stick-thin arms trembling, the more the air seemed to thicken and press in against Karl's tightly stretched skin, a pressure like iron against his temples. The ledges were jagged and sometimes cut into his skin, leaving smears of scarlet in his wake, but Karl barely felt it, his mind a wash of color and light and screaming pain and ghostly touches against his arm.
It was, he felt, as though there was a dam in his mind, or perhaps his soul, solidly built and reinforced with girders upon girders of steel, that was slowly cracking. And behind this dam lived hundreds of memories-- all his blackouts, all his memories of his baby days long repressed, every concussion and dream that had slipped away like paper in the wind --all straining and pressing to get through, pushing and pushing and gathering strength and waiting to burst through and consume him, envelop him, warp him and change him as the tide would, dragging things under and forcing others up on frothing white-capped waves of rage and things incomprehensible. There was a conscious decision that he had made, once, and continued making in every minute that he was aware of himself, where the outside world and what he was doing in it fell away, and he chose, chose to forget, to remain in the dream, to stay Karl Vates and keep whatever he was, what he really was, behind the dam.
Because Karl knew what lived behind the dam. He had seen it on other nights, when he'd woken up half choked by his sheets.
What lived behind the dam was his other self, and Karl hated him. He was the devil on his shoulder, the demon hiding in the shadows. Karl was awful sometimes but his friends knew he meant well. The Other Karl hated everyone, hated Egbert, hated his father and Teri and the whole damn world. The Other Karl was the wellspring from which all his assholery and dickishness flowed like a sludge-choked river. The Other Karl was the opposite of who he wanted to be.
Again, Karl made the choice, and came out of it gasping as though he'd been submerged in the blood river again, shivering slightly though the day was warm, and found himself standing atop the mesa, just over the lip, with Teri at his side. She was trembling too, and mistaking his own actions, nudged her hand closer to him until it was slipped into his, their fingers entwined. "I can smell them," she whispered, and in the next instant Karl could see again, and knew exactly what she was talking about.
Before them stood a ring of minotaurs, vast, shaggy monsters with crude stone and bone axes, beady eyes narrowed, thick brown hair hanging off them in greasy ropes matted with mud and their own excrement. They stunk like rotten meat, or death, or a bruise gone sour, and they looked mean, their breath coming in heaving pants as slowly they advanced.
"Where's Timm?" Karl asked in a stage whisper, clinging harder to Teri's hand and trying to dislodge the hammer from where it was tied to his belt loop with the other.
"I don't know, but he needs to get up here."
"Why?"
"Look." Teri inclined her head towards the center of the butte, and in the instant before a minotaur's imposing hoof crashed down on it, Karl could see the same parallel lines he'd spied in the space between gates; a quest bed, then, and obviously not his or Teri's. "He's Page of Breath again, same as every time, this is where he belongs. If one of us is going to die here, it should be him, goddamn it!" Her voice was angry, bordering on frantic, and she let go of him long enough to unsheathe the sword from her cane, long and tapering and glimmering in the sunlight, but nothing but a toothpick against the mountain of meat advancing on them.
"Shit," Karl swore, pulling the hammer free and brandishing it before him. "Get away, goddamn it!" he shouted hoarsely, hoping they would be afraid of the noise, but the creatures kept coming, steadily, raising their large forearms. Karl lashed out at one and connected solidly, earning a furious roar; the arm he'd struck lifted up and smashed back down again against the rock, and Karl barely had time to scamper out of the way before chips of dusty sandstone were flying in all directions, instant shrapnel.
When he came out of his dodge roll, Karl glanced over at where Teri had been, but found his view blocked by a wall of minotaurs, all of whom were now bellowing, their throats expanding with the deafening noise, and Karl tried not to clap his hands over his pained ears, instead striking out again, and again, shouting "Take that, fuckass!" and other such pleasantries as he did so. It had absolutely no effect. The consorts raged, throwing slow punches that he dodged and ducked under and occasionally smashing their axes against the rock. A few times he heard Teri cry out, in victory or pain he could not tell, and then he was beside her again, just soon enough to be pushed to the edge.
He teetered for a moment and shouted, seeing Teri's head snap towards him, throwing herself forward, reaching out, desperate. For a moment, time stopped, and he met her sightless eyes through the red plastic, her fingers stretched helplessly towards him. Then the normal progression of things reasserted itself and she fell onto her stomach, skidding forward enough to scrape as Karl and her wrist were jerked downward, now supporting his entire one hundred something pounds of weight. Karl grunted in pain, his arm nearly wrenched out of the socket, and Teri slid forward a few more inches. "I've got you!" she shouted, clearly trying to be reassuring as below them Lemonsnout paced, adding his own screeches to the din. She had him, but no one had her, and for a moment Karl was sure they would both go over the edge. Then Timm's head appeared over Teri's shoulder, wrapping around her neck and adding his hands to hers over Karl's. With a grunt, he pulled, and up they all went, landing in a sprawling pile, Timm thrown far backwards.
Karl lay dazed a moment, looking up and just watching the sky. "That was close," he rasped, and Teri nodded beside him, her short hair brushing his forearm, each listening to the other breathe until their respite was broken by a crunch and a sickening scream. Karl staggered to his feet to find Timm writhing on his back in pain with a minotaur over him, club in hand-- both of the boy's legs were bent at unnatural angles.
"Stop!" he shouted, and the minotaur, smaller than all the rest, barely taller than Timm himself, stopped, arm half raised for another crushing blow. "Stop," Timm commanded in a quieter voice, strong but half choked with sobs. "They hurt you, didn't they," he went on, tears streaming down his cheeks, wet lines down his tanned skin. "You were so scared, you just wanted to make friends, and they hurt you. I know. But it's okay now. No one has to--" here he sobbed and gasped for breath. "No one has to die."
"He's going into shock," Teri whispered, gripping Karl's upper forearm. "We have to set the bones."
"Any idea how to do that?"
"None at all."
"Great job there then, Dr. House. Another brilliant diagnosis."
Teri glared at him. "This is serious, Karl."
"Should I have referenced Doogie Howser instead?"
Timm was still speaking to the minotaur; strangely, it seemed to be the only one left. The others had faded into shadows, leaving only the small, stunted beast, who bent to kneel before the boy, broad black nose against his forehead. Soon a pink tongue darted out and lathed over Timm's forehead, and Karl allowed himself to relax by inches as the minotaur dropped its club.
Just then, Karl's phone buzzed again, and so did the air around him, and Karl was filled with the most peculiar sense of dread.
GG: hi, karl! i know i made you mad earlier, but i'm sending you a little gift to make up for it! ;)
AG: WAIT, WHAT? HARLEY, WHAT THE SHIT ARE YOU DOING?
The air crackled, thick and heavy like thunderstorms, and Karl's head jerked up towards where Timm was stroking the minotaur's broad head. "There, now," he cooed, offering the beast a small smile, "you're not so bad, are you? Just confused. I bet--"
"Timm, get away from there!" Karl barked, and Timm barely had time to look back at him, perplexed, before the sky was tearing itself apart, a gaping maw of stars and darkness replacing the cloudless expanse of blue air. Another crack, like the sound of a thousand bones snapping under the heel of god, and the earth was tied to the sky for a full second by a rope of white lightning, an arrow of power that snapped down and struck the minotaur. It did not have enough time to cry out, but eyes went wide and bloodless, made big by mindless fear, and when the light faded and the hole in the sky closed itself with an inward rush of collapsed air, it slumped over sideways, head lolling, pinned to the ground by a ten-foot spear.
Timm screamed again, reaching out to bury his face in the hairy chest, clutching handfuls of fur and shaking the beast's twitching body, mindless of the damage he was doing to his already ruined legs and the warm blood that poured onto his chest. Karl and Teri watched in silence and, in Karl's case at least, quietly stewing rage. Teri's mouth was a line, so thin and flat that her pursed lips could hardly be seen, both hands clasped around the dragon head of her cane as she leaned forward on it. Neither of them were good at consoling people, and after ten minutes of sobbing, Karl had just gotten up the courage to offer a pathetic "There, there" when Timm pulled away enough to speak.
"Karl, could you... could you ask her why?"
The corners of Karl's mouth turned down with pity and worry that he did not particularly care to disguise, never having heard Timm speak in such a firm, demanding, betrayed voice before. Through grit teeth he stuttered the words, voice slurred with red, raw pain, and yet still, he had more courage now than ever before. "Yeah, hang on," Karl muttered, turning back to the glowing rectangular interface of his phone.
AG: SO LET'S BE CLEAR ON SOMETHING: YOU'RE PSYCHOTIC.
GG: what do you mean? :(
GG: the test worked perfectly!
AG: YEAH SEE THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. THE OTHER TWO OPTIONS ARE THAT YOU HAVE A RAGING HATE-ON FOR MARTIN OVER THERE OR YOUR TARGETING SYSTEM REALLY, REALLY SUCKS. SO WHICH IS IT, HARLEY?
GG: weeeeell...
GG: i guess i could have put in the coordinates wrong.
GG: but you're not entirely wrong about me and at!
AG: SO YOU ACTUALLY DO HATE THE LITTLE IDIOT, DO YOU? THAT'S A NEW LOW FOR YOU TROLLS.
AG: GUY'S PATHETIC, BUT SHIT, HE'S NOT A BAD PERSON OR ANYTHING. HE'S NOT EVEN THE MOST ANNOYING PERSON I KNOW, AND I KNOW A LOT OF IRRITATING FUCKASSES.
GG: you don't understand, karl. you're not the one whose been dealing with him for centuries.
GG: yeah, he's pathetic, that's the point! he never changes! every cycle it's the same thing, and i'm always the one who winds up dealing with it.
GG: and you know what? i'm sick of it.
AG: OH JESUS DON'T TELL ME THAT YOU'RE "BLACK" FOR HIM, THEN.
GG: is this reeeeeeeally the best time to be having this conversation, karl? i just demonstrated beyond a fraction of a doubt that travel between our universes is possible!
AG: ROMANCE IS ALWAYS IMPORTANT, DON'T EVEN PLAY.
AG: BUT YEAH I GUESS I CAN PUT THAT ON A BACK BURNER FOR THE MOMENT, BECAUSE REALLY, HOW THE JESUS SHITTING FUCK DID YOU EVEN MANAGE THAT?
GG: it was a team effort!
GG: i mean, okay, it was mostly me and tt, but. jawwhn and daevid helped too!
AG: YEAH AND THAT TELLS ME EXACTLY FUCK-ALL NOTHING ABOUT WHAT YOU ACTUALLY DID, SURPRISE SURPRISE.
GG: look, i can't tell you everything. you wouldn't understand it! it gets really technical.
GG: but i'm the seer of space, okay? space is my element, like blood is yours. you got a really sucky element, by the way-- there's nothing practical you can do with that.
GG: but space is a good one, because i can manipulate it. if daevid and i had both gotten to godtier, we could have been unstoppable! this was a really bad session for godtier, though. not even jawwhn made it.
AG: SO BASICALLY YOU RIPPED SPACE-TIME A NEW ASSHOLE AND RAPED IT WITH WHAT APPEARS TO BE SATAN'S JOUSTING POLE, AM I GETTING THAT RIGHT?
GG: sort of!
GG: it takes a lot of energy to hold the portal open, though, and right now i don't think it could sustain the transport of sentient life. just sending the lance over depleted over half our reserves!
GG: oh, it's a lance, by the way.
GG: and i wouldn't touch it yet, actually, this was bad planning on my part. it was supposed to hit at.
In the near distance, there was a sudden, smaller crack and a fizzle of searing flesh, followed by Timm's guttural, aching cry and the clack of Teri's cane rapidly scuttling towards his section of the butte.
AG: TOO LATE.
GG: ugggggh it was timm, wasn't it.
AG: NO, JADITE, I SPECIFICALLY WALKED OVER AND PUT MY HAND ON THE PUTRID, STINKING CORPSE OF A GIANT BOVINE MONSTER JUST FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES. I AM SINCERELY THAT STUPID.
GG: :/
GG: welp. how badly is he hurt?
Looking up once more, Karl allowed himself to hear Timm's small whimpers as Teri knelt by his side, frowning and prodding his reddened, blistered palms with her fingertip. It looked as though he had leaned up to grab the spear shaft, maybe intending to lever himself up onto his feet or pull it from the body of the beast, and been burned for it, perhaps badly. The welts extended over the undersides of his fingers down to where the hands met his wrists, and one burst when Teri poked it, spilling yellowish pus over his skin with a deflating hiss.
AG: HE LOOKS LIKE HE JUST SET OFF A BOTTLE ROCKET WITHOUT REMEMBERING TO LET GO OF IT FIRST. OH, AND BOTH HIS LEGS ARE BROKEN, BUT THAT ONE'S MOSTLY MY FAULT.
GG: stupid fuckass!! you don't just reach out and grab things that fell from the sky, who even does that???
AG: YOUR COSMIC NEMESIS, THAT'S WHO.
GG: kismesis, not nemesis. but shut up, we are not!
GG: i don't hate him, anyway.
GG: i just... i feel like there used to be someone whose job it was to deal with him, and i wish that they'd come back.
GG: anyway, it's not important. it's time to move on.
AG: WHAT DO WE DO ABOUT THE LANCE?
GG: you'll find a way. i believe in you, karl.
GG: and i'd believe in timm, too, if he'd just believe in himself.
---
Nell tipped her head back and sniffed the air, pausing momentarily to inhale the cloying scent of sulfur and brimstone. A row of brittle knives glittered across the backs of her hands, a set of steel knuckles that menaced any and all living things. They, and her fingers, were stained the inky black of oil imps, highlights shining with iridescent rainbows in the harsh sunlight, spatters of different fluids over her clothes showing where imps had burst before her like pinatas, showering her with their precious grist and experience. Earl was a hundred feet or so away, drawing back the string of his arrow, sighted on the retreating back of a long-armed, fox-faced shale imp.
A meaty twang and the arrow was released, soaring down the wind-seared plain to fell its quarry with a sound so distant, it was not even heard. Earl answered it with a nod of satisfaction and turned towards his smaller charge, a barely perceptible look of worry furrowing his brow.
"Is everything alright, Nell?" he rumbled, his voice low and deep, dripping with machismo that Nell was impervious to.
She took another deep breath, letting her eyes slip closed, and knelt, feeling small tremors and vibrations in the earth. "I don't know," she hummed, half to herself. "I don't think that we should stay here much longer."
Earl's head dipped again in assent. "We appear to have run out of imps, for one thing."
Nell's usually affable expression creased into a slight frown as her eyes slipped open again, studying the sky. The smell of sulfur increased, growing steadily stronger, and she watched the air above her, seeing how the clouds blew in from the west, thin and white like stretched cotton balls. "No, it's not that. We need to find the gate."
"Nell, if this turns into another meaningless quest for Narnia or fountains of kittens, or--"
"Fountain of Cute," Nell corrected automatically, absently. Her paws pressed to the ground, which she kneaded restlessly, as she might have in a life before.
"Whatever it was. I am only saying that it is an inadvisable course of action to pursue. I do not trust Vates' leadership, but to be separated from their group for this long can only bring trouble."
"Just wait," Nell assured him, and watched. For a moment, everything was still-- the wind blew, tugging at their hair and her cap and the baggy arms of her long coat, and whistled through the canyons and plateaus, and the clouds rolled over the sky, sedate, not coming near the sun. "Wait," she repeated, and as the sound fell from her lips she tasted fire, sparks like battery acid against her tongue, and her palms were filled with static electricity and above her flew the firebird, an arrow of flame that shot through the clouds and past the sun, leaving a smoke trail a thousand feet in the air, jet stream trailing out behind it, towards the horizon the gate beyond it.
"Thanks, Alice," she took the time to whisper and then was off, laughing and whooping as Earl gave an indignant cry behind her, galloping on long legs to match her frantic, leaping stride. And together, they ran on to the end of the world.
==>
<==
~~~
AA: solomon
TA: aradiia can we plea2e cut the shiit. y0u kn0w iit'2 me.
AA: ah
AA: i was afraid of this
TA: what are y0u talkiing ab0ut?
TA: ii2n't thii2 what we've been w0rkiing t0ward2?
TA: ii can be wiith y0u s00n.
AA: very well then
AA: i see that its already begun
TA: kk t0ld me that he helped y0u get tw0 g0d tiier.
TA: wa2 he lyiing?
AA: hes not karkat anymore
TA: what the fuck are you talkiing ab0ut?
TA: 0f c0urse he ii2. wh0 el2e w0uld he be?
AA: himself
AA: theres nothing i can say to dissuade you from pursuing your current course of action then
AA: but please be careful
AA: no matter what form you take i wish to see you one last time
AA: im sorry solomon
AA: i never was good at being your moirail
AA: balancing you was too big a job for one person alone i think
AA: and i dont think ive been a very good matesprit either
AA: if i was i could have saved you
---
"This is stupid," Karl informed the two of them as they walked, but it was painfully obvious that the only one listening was the dragon. "Just, you know, pointing that out, because this is monumentally stupid and if you guys are going to emulate lemmings then you might as well have the decency to leave me out of it."
"So go see what Earl and Nell are up to," Teri drawled, not even bothering to glance over her shoulder. "No one's stopping you."
"But if I do, then you'll get yourself killed," Karl whined, well aware that he sounded like a petulant child but unable to stop himself. "And then Nell will cry, and I hate it when Nell cries."
"I thought that getting ourselves killed was, um, the objective here," Timm offered timidly, glancing back at Karl and maintaining eye contact only for the briefest of seconds. "But in... the good way? If that makes sense? Wait, I'm confused."
Teri sighed, exasperated, and paused, turning to glare at the two of them from behind those damn cheesy red plastic shades that never failed to be ridiculously unnerving. "Look, it's simple, okay? Find quest bed, die on quest bed, achieve god tier, everyone's happy and we have a better chance of winning the game. And no offense, Timm, but you really need god powers if you're going to get through alive this time."
Timm gulped, staring at her with wide and bulging eyes. "This time?"
Karl side-eyed her as well as he took his phone from his pocket again. No new messages. His heart sank straight into the pit of his stomach where a ball of mixed anger and self-loathing was forming, heavy as a stone. "Implying that there were other times?" he grumped, thinking himself snide and sarcastic but only half meaning it. The other half was shaken despite himself, thinking back to Egbert's warnings, subtext reading of cycles and cycles, thousands of games played. He shook his head, hard-- it was nonsense, all of it. It had to be.
Huffing, Teri went on, making for the only landmark on the horizon, a mesa that squatted above miles of empty, parched, and used-up land. "Honestly, neither of you? You both have patron trolls. I know that yours is an idiot, Karl, but I didn't think Jadite was defective."
"Jadite?" Karl asked, looking towards Timm in a vaguely accusatory manner.
"GG," he responded dismally, watching the ground. "I don't know why I haven't blocked her yet. She hates me."
"It's because you're a masochist," Teri cackled, and Timm only blushed, which made her laugh harder, the sound echoing and lingering maliciously in the still, empty air. "No, but honestly, if you haven't learned by now, I can't tell you. Just know that the three of us are important, and it's important for us to get to godtier like Alice did."
Rolling his eyes, Karl elbowed Timm none too lightly in the ribs, causing the other boy to wince pronouncedly and clutch at his side, growling, "Hope today's a good day for you to die, Timm. Teri won't go lightly on you."
She nodded, sagely, leaning heavily on Lemonsnout's shoulder again for support; she still hobbled on her twisted ankle, but the swelling was already going down, and she no longer limped as noticeably, Karl was glad to see. "That's true. Tell me, do you think it would hurt to get stabbed in the throat?"
When Timm gurgled incomprehensibly in maddened fright Karl patted his shoulder in sympathy. "Don't mind her, she's fucking crazy. But you must know that-- you spend more time with her than I do, these days."
"I didn't know she was like this outside of LARPing," Timm told him, half frantically, and Karl turned his consoling motion into a push, shoving him closer to the blind girl as Karl himself fell back a ways.
"Yeah, she's a man eater. Have fun dealing with that." Then he spoke up, direction his energies at Teri-- "Hey, I'm going to see if I can get one of our fairy god trolls back on the line for awhile, okay? I want to know if this 'getting everyone we know and love brutally murdered' shtick is actually anything resembling a good idea, or if you're just pulling this out of your ass again."
"Try Kate," Teri suggested, sounding bored. "She was telling me about an online guide she found, awhile back. It was actually pretty useful for figuring out how to alchemize stuff-- she helped me with these snazzy clothes." Grinning, Teri held out her arms and twirled in a circle, showing off her fashion as Karl clapped in the most insincere manner he could manage. "At least, I think they're snazzy," Teri amended when she'd finished, face falling slightly. "I wouldn't know, would I?"
"They're, um, very nice," Timm stuttered, mostly looking at the ground, and Karl sighed as they moved on again, mashing a few buttons on his phone.
-- abysmalGuardian [AG] began pestering gildedAxiom [GA] at 21:04! --
AG: HEY, KATE. SO, YOU'RE IN ON THIS THING, HUH?
GA: Yes. So Far, I Do Not See What The Commotion Is About.
GA: Eric And I Managed To Place All The Equipment In Record Time, Though Operating It Is A Bit Of A Chore. As Soon As I Have Finished With These Frogs, I May Go Visit Him.
AG: ERIC? FROGS? WHAT THE SHIT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
GA: Perhaps This Requires A Smidgeon Of Extra Exposition.
GA: You See, I Found An Online Help Guide To The Game We Are Playing, Which Rather Perplexed Me.
AG: YEAH, TERI TOLD ME. THAT'S WHAT I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT, ACTUALLY.
GA: Please Refrain From Interrupting When Other People Are Talking, Karl, It Is Very Rude Of You And One Of Your Worst Characteristics, I Am Afraid.
AG: YEAH, YEAH, SORRY. WHAT ABOUT THE GUIDE, THEN?
GA: You Should Be.
GA: As I Was Saying, Upon Realizing The Dire Straights I Was In, Trapped Without A Proper Weapon, I Contacted The Guide's Purveyor In Order To Ascertain How Her Knowledge Of Our Current Circumstances Came About, And For Further Advice In Slaughtering Imps And Ascending The Ladder of Human Turmoil To Succeed.
GA: I.E. Not Die.
AG: AND?
GA: Ahem.
AG: UGH. SORRY. PLEASE, YOUR HIGHNESS, DO GO ON.
GA: Well, After Speaking With The Young Woman And Hearing A Few Of Her Daring Exploits, I Was Roped Into A Scheme Of Sorts. It Involves Frogs, And Will Apparently Give Our Session A More Favorable Outcome.
AG: OH YEAH? WELL, SHIT, I GUESS YOU SHOULD JUST KEEP DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING WITHOUT ME BOTHERING YOU, THEN. COULD YOU LINK ME TO YOUR GUIDE, AT LEAST? I'M TRYING TO FIGURE MY OWN SHIT OUT HERE AND KEEP TERI FROM GOING OFF TOO EARLY AND KILLING SOMEONE. IT'S LIKE SOMEONE POURED ITCHING POWDER ALL OVER HER TRIGGER FINGER OR SOMETHING, I SWEAR TO GOD.
GA: I Sympathize, But I Am Not Certain You Would Find It Helpful.
GA: It Is Not Designed For Advanced Players Such As Yourself.
GA: By Which I Mean If You Are Already Inside The Game, It Will Not Be Useful To You.
AG: SHIT. BACK TO PLAN A, I GUESS. WHY DOES EVERYTHING ALWAYS HAVE TO BE NEEDLESSLY GODDAMN CONVOLUTED?
GA: Because The Universe Hates You.
GA: ...That Was A Joke.
AG: COULD HAVE FUCKING FOOLED ME.
Snarling in frustration, Karl opened his chumroll again, and scrolled down to the absolute last entry, loathing himself for it. There was no other recourse. Teri would obviously go flying the rest of the way off her rocker soon, and then god only knew what sort of trouble they'd all be in.
AG: SO LOOK I KIND OF HATE MYSELF FOR THIS BUT HERE I AM, ON MY KNEES, GROVELING AT YOUR E-FEET AS I PROSTRATE MYSELF AT THE ALTAR OF THIS PHONE, BEGGING FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE.
GG: about time! i was getting bored over here.
AG: WEREN'T YOU WORKING ON SOME PROJECT?
GG: i am! the beta version is almost done, though. we're just waiting for it to charge, and that's booooring.
GG: so i guess i promised you some answers, didn't i?
GG: but i'm not going to tell you.
AG: WHY THE SHIT NOT? GODDAMN IT, IF I EVER MEET ANY OF YOU TROLLS I SWEAR I WILL SHOVE MY FOOT SO FAR UP YOUR ASSHOLES OR CHITINOUS PROTEIN CHUTES OR WHATEVER IT IS YOU HAVE SO FAR THAT YOU'LL BE SPITTING OUT SHOELACES FOR A WEEK.
GG: hehe. it's because you're funny when you're mad! ;)
AG: ...OH HEY IF YOU'RE ON BREAK THEN EGBERT IS TOO. I GUESS I MIGHT AS WELL SHAKE HIM DOWN FOR ANSWERS INSTEAD. ALSO, FUCK OFF, HARLEY.
GG: who told you my name was harley? :o
AG: NO ONE HAD TO TELL ME. IT JUST IS.
GG: you're right.
GG: so i guess you're remembering, then. just a little bit, but it's enough!
GG: that earns you a thing, then.
AG: ...WHAT KIND OF THING?
AG: A GOOD THING, OR A STUPID BULLSHIT THING THAT WILL MAKE ME WANT TO NEVER STOP STABBING YOU?
GG: the first one... i think.
AG: ALRIGHT. LET'S TRY THIS ON A PROBATIONARY CONCERN, THEN. WHAT DID I EARN?
GG: it's about jawwhn, so you might not like it.
AG: IF IT'S ABOUT EGBERT, I WANT TO HEAR IT.
AG: OR... SHIT, WERE YOU WATCHING WHEN I WAS TALKING TO THE CENTAUR KING?
GG: no, but i can look it up. hold on.
AG: HOLDING.
AG: BUT IMPATIENTLY, SO HURRY THIS SHIT UP.
GG: oh! i see. you saw a boy, didn't you? a human boy, black hair, glasses, world's most endearing dorky smile?
GG: you just wanted to cuddle him, didn't you?
AG: I'D SEEN HIM BEFORE. I... DREAMED ABOUT HIM. I THINK. BUT THE HIM I DREAMED ABOUT HAD HORNS AND TEETH LIKE A SHARK, AND... I DON'T KNOW. I THOUGHT MIMIR'S WELL WAS SUPPOSED TO SHOW ME MY FATE OR MY DESTINY OR WHATEVER.
GG: it did.
GG: that boy, the one you've been dreaming about?
GG: that's jawwhn.
Karl's heart stopped for a full fifteen seconds as cold sweat drenched his entire body. It couldn't be true, it just couldn't. There was no way the reassuring presence in his dreams, the arms he'd secretly longed to fall into and embrace for eternity, be wrapped up in and dragged into the world of darkness and sleep forever... there was no way that had been Egbert the whole time. Karl wouldn't allow it to be true.
And yet...
And yet, if it was, then the emotion festering in his breast that he could not accept was longing was justified, made sense. More than made sense, was obvious, as he instinctively knew Teri's for the red text douchebag was. Karl's world was shattered, but Jadite was still typing, and he read on, stunned, hoping for real answers.
GG: he's your... i don't know what to call him. not a kismesis, not really a moirail or a matesprit, definitely not an auspistice.
GG: not a husband, either.
GG: what you guys are doesn't have a quadrant, on earth or where i come from either, i don't think.
AG: WAIT, WHAT?
AG: NO. THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE. HE'S... HE'S NOT HUMAN, IS HE? NONE OF YOU ARE. NONE OF YOU ARE REAL.
GG: of course we're real!
GG: but no, we're not human. we're trolls. real trolls, in every sense of the word.
GG: but unlike internet trolls, we really do want the best for you.
GG: and we want to meet you!
GG: especially jawwhn. he misses you something fierce, and he's technically never even met you.
AG: SO THAT'S WHY I'VE BEEN DREAMING ABOUT HIM? THIS FATE NONSENSE?
GG: fated partners. we all have one, i guess-- it's kind of the backbone of romance, karl, come on.
AG: AND YOU'RE SAYING THAT EGBERT IS MINE? JUST BECAUSE I DIDN'T TELL HIM TO FUCK OFF ENOUGH IN THE PAST?
GG: even if you had, it wouldn't have made a difference. i don't think you're understanding the concept here, karl.
GG: your romance was destined to be, but that doesn't mean it has to end well, or even last longer than a few moments in time.
GG: you were doomed by the past actions of a person who wasn't even really you.
AG: LIKE... REINCARNATION? I LOVED HIM IN A PREVIOUS LIFE SO NOW I HAVE TO FOREVER?
GG: not... really. because even your earliest self didn't really choose it!
GG: you could call it god, i guess, though god as a concept doesn't make much sense anymore.
GG: just... fate. destiny.
GG: anyway, you don't really want to not love him.
GG: if your soul wasn't reaching out to him as his is to you, you wouldn't be having these dreams.
AG: I AM NOT A HOMOSEXUAL, GODDAMN IT.
GG: you don't have to be. just... egbertsexual.
Rageful, pride broken, Karl snapped his phone shut without another invective and bile filled word, resisting the urge to dash the device against the ground and be done with it. "Not helpful?" Teri asked, sounding sincere in her empathy.
"Not one little goddamn cocksucking bit," Karl replied, and stopped, noticing that Teri and her dragon had, too, and that they were standing in the shadow of the mesa now. It wasn't really that tall, maybe two hundred feet up with a series of short, easily climbed ledges leading to the top, and Lemonsnout had already put his front talons up on the lowest one, providing his back as a ramp for them to shimmy up.
"Well, put it out of your mind and let's get going," Teri told him firmly, already swinging a leg up over Lemonsnout. "We've got a long way to go and not a lot of time to do it in, if certain authorities are to be believed."
"Certain authorities?" Timm piped up, nearly squeaking, doubtlessly thinking of Jadite. Karl understood exactly how he felt.
Glowering and tensing himself, Karl followed Teri, motioning for Timm to follow. "I've had enough of trolls to last me five lifetimes," he muttered, and Teri laughed.
"Oh, for many more than that, Vates," she practically purred, fondly, pausing after disembarking from the dragon's broad neck to pat Karl on the head as he came up, Timm still slowing crawling up the long column of Lemonsnout's golden back. "But again, don't think about that now. Timm's quest bed is up here, I can just feel it in my bones."
Karl could feel something too, if he tried, and it disquieted him. In his bones, in his blood, beating in his heart, pulsing in the deep tissue of red organ meat, burning in his brain, was a profound sensation of wrongness, foulness, something vile poisoning reality's well. The higher they climbed, struggling up on their own now with Timm huffing and puffing in the rear, his stick-thin arms trembling, the more the air seemed to thicken and press in against Karl's tightly stretched skin, a pressure like iron against his temples. The ledges were jagged and sometimes cut into his skin, leaving smears of scarlet in his wake, but Karl barely felt it, his mind a wash of color and light and screaming pain and ghostly touches against his arm.
It was, he felt, as though there was a dam in his mind, or perhaps his soul, solidly built and reinforced with girders upon girders of steel, that was slowly cracking. And behind this dam lived hundreds of memories-- all his blackouts, all his memories of his baby days long repressed, every concussion and dream that had slipped away like paper in the wind --all straining and pressing to get through, pushing and pushing and gathering strength and waiting to burst through and consume him, envelop him, warp him and change him as the tide would, dragging things under and forcing others up on frothing white-capped waves of rage and things incomprehensible. There was a conscious decision that he had made, once, and continued making in every minute that he was aware of himself, where the outside world and what he was doing in it fell away, and he chose, chose to forget, to remain in the dream, to stay Karl Vates and keep whatever he was, what he really was, behind the dam.
Because Karl knew what lived behind the dam. He had seen it on other nights, when he'd woken up half choked by his sheets.
What lived behind the dam was his other self, and Karl hated him. He was the devil on his shoulder, the demon hiding in the shadows. Karl was awful sometimes but his friends knew he meant well. The Other Karl hated everyone, hated Egbert, hated his father and Teri and the whole damn world. The Other Karl was the wellspring from which all his assholery and dickishness flowed like a sludge-choked river. The Other Karl was the opposite of who he wanted to be.
Again, Karl made the choice, and came out of it gasping as though he'd been submerged in the blood river again, shivering slightly though the day was warm, and found himself standing atop the mesa, just over the lip, with Teri at his side. She was trembling too, and mistaking his own actions, nudged her hand closer to him until it was slipped into his, their fingers entwined. "I can smell them," she whispered, and in the next instant Karl could see again, and knew exactly what she was talking about.
Before them stood a ring of minotaurs, vast, shaggy monsters with crude stone and bone axes, beady eyes narrowed, thick brown hair hanging off them in greasy ropes matted with mud and their own excrement. They stunk like rotten meat, or death, or a bruise gone sour, and they looked mean, their breath coming in heaving pants as slowly they advanced.
"Where's Timm?" Karl asked in a stage whisper, clinging harder to Teri's hand and trying to dislodge the hammer from where it was tied to his belt loop with the other.
"I don't know, but he needs to get up here."
"Why?"
"Look." Teri inclined her head towards the center of the butte, and in the instant before a minotaur's imposing hoof crashed down on it, Karl could see the same parallel lines he'd spied in the space between gates; a quest bed, then, and obviously not his or Teri's. "He's Page of Breath again, same as every time, this is where he belongs. If one of us is going to die here, it should be him, goddamn it!" Her voice was angry, bordering on frantic, and she let go of him long enough to unsheathe the sword from her cane, long and tapering and glimmering in the sunlight, but nothing but a toothpick against the mountain of meat advancing on them.
"Shit," Karl swore, pulling the hammer free and brandishing it before him. "Get away, goddamn it!" he shouted hoarsely, hoping they would be afraid of the noise, but the creatures kept coming, steadily, raising their large forearms. Karl lashed out at one and connected solidly, earning a furious roar; the arm he'd struck lifted up and smashed back down again against the rock, and Karl barely had time to scamper out of the way before chips of dusty sandstone were flying in all directions, instant shrapnel.
When he came out of his dodge roll, Karl glanced over at where Teri had been, but found his view blocked by a wall of minotaurs, all of whom were now bellowing, their throats expanding with the deafening noise, and Karl tried not to clap his hands over his pained ears, instead striking out again, and again, shouting "Take that, fuckass!" and other such pleasantries as he did so. It had absolutely no effect. The consorts raged, throwing slow punches that he dodged and ducked under and occasionally smashing their axes against the rock. A few times he heard Teri cry out, in victory or pain he could not tell, and then he was beside her again, just soon enough to be pushed to the edge.
He teetered for a moment and shouted, seeing Teri's head snap towards him, throwing herself forward, reaching out, desperate. For a moment, time stopped, and he met her sightless eyes through the red plastic, her fingers stretched helplessly towards him. Then the normal progression of things reasserted itself and she fell onto her stomach, skidding forward enough to scrape as Karl and her wrist were jerked downward, now supporting his entire one hundred something pounds of weight. Karl grunted in pain, his arm nearly wrenched out of the socket, and Teri slid forward a few more inches. "I've got you!" she shouted, clearly trying to be reassuring as below them Lemonsnout paced, adding his own screeches to the din. She had him, but no one had her, and for a moment Karl was sure they would both go over the edge. Then Timm's head appeared over Teri's shoulder, wrapping around her neck and adding his hands to hers over Karl's. With a grunt, he pulled, and up they all went, landing in a sprawling pile, Timm thrown far backwards.
Karl lay dazed a moment, looking up and just watching the sky. "That was close," he rasped, and Teri nodded beside him, her short hair brushing his forearm, each listening to the other breathe until their respite was broken by a crunch and a sickening scream. Karl staggered to his feet to find Timm writhing on his back in pain with a minotaur over him, club in hand-- both of the boy's legs were bent at unnatural angles.
"Stop!" he shouted, and the minotaur, smaller than all the rest, barely taller than Timm himself, stopped, arm half raised for another crushing blow. "Stop," Timm commanded in a quieter voice, strong but half choked with sobs. "They hurt you, didn't they," he went on, tears streaming down his cheeks, wet lines down his tanned skin. "You were so scared, you just wanted to make friends, and they hurt you. I know. But it's okay now. No one has to--" here he sobbed and gasped for breath. "No one has to die."
"He's going into shock," Teri whispered, gripping Karl's upper forearm. "We have to set the bones."
"Any idea how to do that?"
"None at all."
"Great job there then, Dr. House. Another brilliant diagnosis."
Teri glared at him. "This is serious, Karl."
"Should I have referenced Doogie Howser instead?"
Timm was still speaking to the minotaur; strangely, it seemed to be the only one left. The others had faded into shadows, leaving only the small, stunted beast, who bent to kneel before the boy, broad black nose against his forehead. Soon a pink tongue darted out and lathed over Timm's forehead, and Karl allowed himself to relax by inches as the minotaur dropped its club.
Just then, Karl's phone buzzed again, and so did the air around him, and Karl was filled with the most peculiar sense of dread.
GG: hi, karl! i know i made you mad earlier, but i'm sending you a little gift to make up for it! ;)
AG: WAIT, WHAT? HARLEY, WHAT THE SHIT ARE YOU DOING?
The air crackled, thick and heavy like thunderstorms, and Karl's head jerked up towards where Timm was stroking the minotaur's broad head. "There, now," he cooed, offering the beast a small smile, "you're not so bad, are you? Just confused. I bet--"
"Timm, get away from there!" Karl barked, and Timm barely had time to look back at him, perplexed, before the sky was tearing itself apart, a gaping maw of stars and darkness replacing the cloudless expanse of blue air. Another crack, like the sound of a thousand bones snapping under the heel of god, and the earth was tied to the sky for a full second by a rope of white lightning, an arrow of power that snapped down and struck the minotaur. It did not have enough time to cry out, but eyes went wide and bloodless, made big by mindless fear, and when the light faded and the hole in the sky closed itself with an inward rush of collapsed air, it slumped over sideways, head lolling, pinned to the ground by a ten-foot spear.
Timm screamed again, reaching out to bury his face in the hairy chest, clutching handfuls of fur and shaking the beast's twitching body, mindless of the damage he was doing to his already ruined legs and the warm blood that poured onto his chest. Karl and Teri watched in silence and, in Karl's case at least, quietly stewing rage. Teri's mouth was a line, so thin and flat that her pursed lips could hardly be seen, both hands clasped around the dragon head of her cane as she leaned forward on it. Neither of them were good at consoling people, and after ten minutes of sobbing, Karl had just gotten up the courage to offer a pathetic "There, there" when Timm pulled away enough to speak.
"Karl, could you... could you ask her why?"
The corners of Karl's mouth turned down with pity and worry that he did not particularly care to disguise, never having heard Timm speak in such a firm, demanding, betrayed voice before. Through grit teeth he stuttered the words, voice slurred with red, raw pain, and yet still, he had more courage now than ever before. "Yeah, hang on," Karl muttered, turning back to the glowing rectangular interface of his phone.
AG: SO LET'S BE CLEAR ON SOMETHING: YOU'RE PSYCHOTIC.
GG: what do you mean? :(
GG: the test worked perfectly!
AG: YEAH SEE THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. THE OTHER TWO OPTIONS ARE THAT YOU HAVE A RAGING HATE-ON FOR MARTIN OVER THERE OR YOUR TARGETING SYSTEM REALLY, REALLY SUCKS. SO WHICH IS IT, HARLEY?
GG: weeeeell...
GG: i guess i could have put in the coordinates wrong.
GG: but you're not entirely wrong about me and at!
AG: SO YOU ACTUALLY DO HATE THE LITTLE IDIOT, DO YOU? THAT'S A NEW LOW FOR YOU TROLLS.
AG: GUY'S PATHETIC, BUT SHIT, HE'S NOT A BAD PERSON OR ANYTHING. HE'S NOT EVEN THE MOST ANNOYING PERSON I KNOW, AND I KNOW A LOT OF IRRITATING FUCKASSES.
GG: you don't understand, karl. you're not the one whose been dealing with him for centuries.
GG: yeah, he's pathetic, that's the point! he never changes! every cycle it's the same thing, and i'm always the one who winds up dealing with it.
GG: and you know what? i'm sick of it.
AG: OH JESUS DON'T TELL ME THAT YOU'RE "BLACK" FOR HIM, THEN.
GG: is this reeeeeeeally the best time to be having this conversation, karl? i just demonstrated beyond a fraction of a doubt that travel between our universes is possible!
AG: ROMANCE IS ALWAYS IMPORTANT, DON'T EVEN PLAY.
AG: BUT YEAH I GUESS I CAN PUT THAT ON A BACK BURNER FOR THE MOMENT, BECAUSE REALLY, HOW THE JESUS SHITTING FUCK DID YOU EVEN MANAGE THAT?
GG: it was a team effort!
GG: i mean, okay, it was mostly me and tt, but. jawwhn and daevid helped too!
AG: YEAH AND THAT TELLS ME EXACTLY FUCK-ALL NOTHING ABOUT WHAT YOU ACTUALLY DID, SURPRISE SURPRISE.
GG: look, i can't tell you everything. you wouldn't understand it! it gets really technical.
GG: but i'm the seer of space, okay? space is my element, like blood is yours. you got a really sucky element, by the way-- there's nothing practical you can do with that.
GG: but space is a good one, because i can manipulate it. if daevid and i had both gotten to godtier, we could have been unstoppable! this was a really bad session for godtier, though. not even jawwhn made it.
AG: SO BASICALLY YOU RIPPED SPACE-TIME A NEW ASSHOLE AND RAPED IT WITH WHAT APPEARS TO BE SATAN'S JOUSTING POLE, AM I GETTING THAT RIGHT?
GG: sort of!
GG: it takes a lot of energy to hold the portal open, though, and right now i don't think it could sustain the transport of sentient life. just sending the lance over depleted over half our reserves!
GG: oh, it's a lance, by the way.
GG: and i wouldn't touch it yet, actually, this was bad planning on my part. it was supposed to hit at.
In the near distance, there was a sudden, smaller crack and a fizzle of searing flesh, followed by Timm's guttural, aching cry and the clack of Teri's cane rapidly scuttling towards his section of the butte.
AG: TOO LATE.
GG: ugggggh it was timm, wasn't it.
AG: NO, JADITE, I SPECIFICALLY WALKED OVER AND PUT MY HAND ON THE PUTRID, STINKING CORPSE OF A GIANT BOVINE MONSTER JUST FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES. I AM SINCERELY THAT STUPID.
GG: :/
GG: welp. how badly is he hurt?
Looking up once more, Karl allowed himself to hear Timm's small whimpers as Teri knelt by his side, frowning and prodding his reddened, blistered palms with her fingertip. It looked as though he had leaned up to grab the spear shaft, maybe intending to lever himself up onto his feet or pull it from the body of the beast, and been burned for it, perhaps badly. The welts extended over the undersides of his fingers down to where the hands met his wrists, and one burst when Teri poked it, spilling yellowish pus over his skin with a deflating hiss.
AG: HE LOOKS LIKE HE JUST SET OFF A BOTTLE ROCKET WITHOUT REMEMBERING TO LET GO OF IT FIRST. OH, AND BOTH HIS LEGS ARE BROKEN, BUT THAT ONE'S MOSTLY MY FAULT.
GG: stupid fuckass!! you don't just reach out and grab things that fell from the sky, who even does that???
AG: YOUR COSMIC NEMESIS, THAT'S WHO.
GG: kismesis, not nemesis. but shut up, we are not!
GG: i don't hate him, anyway.
GG: i just... i feel like there used to be someone whose job it was to deal with him, and i wish that they'd come back.
GG: anyway, it's not important. it's time to move on.
AG: WHAT DO WE DO ABOUT THE LANCE?
GG: you'll find a way. i believe in you, karl.
GG: and i'd believe in timm, too, if he'd just believe in himself.
---
Nell tipped her head back and sniffed the air, pausing momentarily to inhale the cloying scent of sulfur and brimstone. A row of brittle knives glittered across the backs of her hands, a set of steel knuckles that menaced any and all living things. They, and her fingers, were stained the inky black of oil imps, highlights shining with iridescent rainbows in the harsh sunlight, spatters of different fluids over her clothes showing where imps had burst before her like pinatas, showering her with their precious grist and experience. Earl was a hundred feet or so away, drawing back the string of his arrow, sighted on the retreating back of a long-armed, fox-faced shale imp.
A meaty twang and the arrow was released, soaring down the wind-seared plain to fell its quarry with a sound so distant, it was not even heard. Earl answered it with a nod of satisfaction and turned towards his smaller charge, a barely perceptible look of worry furrowing his brow.
"Is everything alright, Nell?" he rumbled, his voice low and deep, dripping with machismo that Nell was impervious to.
She took another deep breath, letting her eyes slip closed, and knelt, feeling small tremors and vibrations in the earth. "I don't know," she hummed, half to herself. "I don't think that we should stay here much longer."
Earl's head dipped again in assent. "We appear to have run out of imps, for one thing."
Nell's usually affable expression creased into a slight frown as her eyes slipped open again, studying the sky. The smell of sulfur increased, growing steadily stronger, and she watched the air above her, seeing how the clouds blew in from the west, thin and white like stretched cotton balls. "No, it's not that. We need to find the gate."
"Nell, if this turns into another meaningless quest for Narnia or fountains of kittens, or--"
"Fountain of Cute," Nell corrected automatically, absently. Her paws pressed to the ground, which she kneaded restlessly, as she might have in a life before.
"Whatever it was. I am only saying that it is an inadvisable course of action to pursue. I do not trust Vates' leadership, but to be separated from their group for this long can only bring trouble."
"Just wait," Nell assured him, and watched. For a moment, everything was still-- the wind blew, tugging at their hair and her cap and the baggy arms of her long coat, and whistled through the canyons and plateaus, and the clouds rolled over the sky, sedate, not coming near the sun. "Wait," she repeated, and as the sound fell from her lips she tasted fire, sparks like battery acid against her tongue, and her palms were filled with static electricity and above her flew the firebird, an arrow of flame that shot through the clouds and past the sun, leaving a smoke trail a thousand feet in the air, jet stream trailing out behind it, towards the horizon the gate beyond it.
"Thanks, Alice," she took the time to whisper and then was off, laughing and whooping as Earl gave an indignant cry behind her, galloping on long legs to match her frantic, leaping stride. And together, they ran on to the end of the world.
==>