X2 GENDERBLEND COMBO! (I am just a productivity machine this week, damn.)
Hey, remember when I said I'd have more Homestuck on the Range stuff last week/this week/at some point within a reasonable approximation of 'soon'? ...Yeah, neither do I.
(Dear kink meme: I love you.)
Title: Mix and Match
Fandom: MSPA (Homestuck)
Pairings: John/Karkat, Terezi/Dave
Rating: R
Warnings: So much porn. Just... so much. Also I guess this counts as futanari??? Of all the things I never thought I'd be writing...
Prompt: "Request is for trolls having 'opposite parts'. I know it doesn't really make sense with all the references to bone bulges, but let's pretend that troll men have vaginas and troll ladies have cocks. I want to see a troll and and one of the kids hook up and have lots of "oh god wtf you're backwards" confusion and alarm. I don't really care which pairing it is, but there's a lot of them it could be hilarious/cute with (John/Karkat, Rose/Kanaya, Dave/Terezi, Jade/Tavros, etc.) If it ends up being a troll girl with a human guy, bonus points for pegging!"
Bonus points achieved, anon. In spades.
~~~
When John had first seen Karkat, he'd been blown away. He'd been expecting something new and different, and looked forward to it, but if he'd known just how hard he'd be hit by the sheer novelty of it, he'd have just stayed back in his familiar little corner of the Medium. Karkat was just so different, so strange and, well, alien that it didn't seem to matter quite as much that he was a guy on top of it. He had ashy gray skin and nubby little horns like stubs of candy corn that John found absolutely adorable and teeth that might as well have belonged to a tiger or a shark or some other manner of heinous wildlife, and compared to that, possession of a dick didn't seem to be quite the hurdle he would have once thought it to be.
It wasn't as though John was suddenly letting his fabulous homosexuality flag fly or anything, flapping gayly in the solar wind, but the truth was that John hadn't had much opportunity to be attracted to anyone much at all before Sburb, and definitely not during it, and now here was Karkat, rough and dangerous with a secret soft spot that John was suddenly prepared to spend years of his life discovering. It was a bit disconcerting, at first, and things had certainly been awkward between them, a few days of avoiding each other in hallways and not quite meeting the other's eye when they met-- John got the impression that Karkat was still embarrassed over confessing his hate to him, and he'd set out on an epic quest to change his mind about that.
Unfortunately, he hadn't been able to come up with a way to do that beyond inviting himself over for a movie marathon and surprising Karkat with a kiss halfway through it, his hand resting cautiously on the troll's outer thigh. It was surprisingly passable, and even a bit nice, but he'd just begun to really enjoy it when Karkat had pushed him away, looking flushed, half-crazed, and completely scandalized. "What the fuck, Egbert?" he'd snarled as John sat back on his knees, panting heavily. "I thought you weren't a homosexual, or whatever the hell. If you're playing me, I swear I'll--"
"I can't hate you like you want me to, Karkat," John interrupted, watching as Karkat's expression slid from disbelief to outright anger as the kindled spark of hope was doused. "But I can pretend, if that's what it takes." Then he'd leaned in again, pressing his lips against the stunned troll's, and the Heir took his breath away.
Some time had passed since then, but not too much-- and John wasn't embarrassed at all to admit that those happy hours had been some of the best of his life. Given how much crabbier Karkat had seemed recently, John would have been willing to wager that he agreed; Karkat was never more content than when he had someone to yell at, and John had given him plenty of opportunities, from his kissing skills (or lack of; a red-faced Karkat had pronounced them substandard between gasps of air after a particularly heated practice session) to his quote-unquote "terrible fucking taste in movies," which Karkat wasn't really in a position to judge. There had been yelling in the halls, in their respective rooms, in bed as John pressed him down hesitantly, sliding his hands cautiously up under the troll's shirt to stroke rough skin. John had come to be able to tell when he was doing something really right, because Karkat yelled a lot then-- in his less gentlemanly moments, usually when he was alone in his room after one of their dates, John had wondered if there would be yelling in more intimate moments, too, if the secret to making him shut up and just go with it lay in mastery of the ultimate romantic arts.
Things had progressed, though, from kissing to stroking and hips grinding desperately until John inevitably separated himself. He hadn't been ready, emotionally or physically, and it had been kind of intimidating that Karkat never seemed to get hard-- John would be on top of him, raring to go, and... nothing. Karkat seemed to be enjoying it, sure, but not nearly as much, and that was a little awkward. He'd been surprised, then, to show up for their latest date to find the door soundly locked behind him, a shiny new pail sitting in the middle of the floor, more for show than anything. "Enough fucking around," Karkat had growled into his ear, breath hot against his neck, and John had agreed with an involuntary shiver, tensing and relaxing alternately as Karkat had run his hands under his shirt; it was the same thing they'd done before, but it seemed different now, more urgent, and the point was only driven home when sharp claws applied a bit of pressure to his heated skin, leaving white lines in their wake over developing pectorals.
Skip ahead a few minutes, and here they were in the present, sprawled out together on the bed, shirts gone, John's fingers hooked in the band of Karkat's pants, preparing to drag them down. "Is this okay?" he asked, killing time for his own sake-- he loved Karkat, he knew he did, and he knew he wanted it, but the knowledge that he was about to come face to face with the first erect cock he'd ever seen that wasn't attached to himself was... frightening, really. It made his skin hot and the muscles in his belly tight as he tried to figure out what he wanted to do about it, and he was rapidly coming to the conclusion that what he wanted, more than anything, was to get those pants off. Not because Karkat was a guy, of course, but because he was Karkat. He always felt good during their time together, and he wanted to make sure that Karkat did, too.
That impulse was dimmed only slightly when Karkat cuffed him on the side of his head, nearly knocking his glasses off and setting a ringing in his ears. "What the fuck do you think?" Karkat panted, scowling in a way that was meant to be frightening but wound up being endearing instead, and John just grinned back at him, complying. He couldn't pretend to be excited, exactly, but his mouth was dry and his heart was beating hard in his chest as he pulled down Karkat's pants and underwear to reveal...
...Huh.
"Um, Karkat?" John asked, sitting back on his haunches to examine what was very much the opposite of what he'd been expecting. "Is there, um, something you want to tell me?" John had never known much about 'alternate lifestyles' or whatever they were calling it these days, aside from being cool with it in general terms, but he did know that if you looked like a guy and talked like a guy and went around proclaiming yourself to be a guy, then there was definitely something going on when you were packing something other than a penis in your pants. "I mean, I don't mind, but it's just... I thought..."
"Shut the fuck up," Karkat told him succinctly, blushing heavily. John couldn't help but notice that he was flushed down there, too, the fleshy lips engorged with blood, and while John was confused, this was such a relief that he almost couldn't believe it. He'd thought that he'd enjoy their time together, of course, but now he knew he would; even if Karkat's chest was as flat and smooth as his own, this was still more familiar territory, and thus ground he was happy to be on. He was so caught up in this pleasant train of thought (and in trying to not stare at Karkat too openly), in fact, that he entirely failed to notice when Karkat tugged his pants down in irritated retaliation. John certainly didn't miss the way his eyes widened, though, or the somewhat betrayed look Karkat shot him.
"You told me you were a guy!" he practically shouted, his voice curiously high pitched. "Fuck, John, what else have you been lying about?"
"What?" John could only ask, intelligently, blinking in confusion that had suddenly skyrocketed to epic proportions. "Dude, of course I'm a guy. You should have told me you were a girl, though. Man, you wouldn't believe how weird it was being attracted to a guy! ...I mean, obviously, because you don't really do that in your culture, but..." John was rambling now, and he was aware of it, but it was just a little scary being so completely exposed in front of an angry troll with a mouthful of weaponry.
"Well excuse the fuck out of me, Egbert," Karkat huffed, at least managing to calm himself (herself?) down a smidgen, "but where do you get off calling me a girl? You're the one with a bone bulge!"
"...What?" John echoed, unable to dredge a better response from the swirling vortex of muck his conscious mind had turned into.
"I mean... I mean, just fucking look at it!" Karkat coughed, pointing at the incriminating evidence. "It's not like I give a shit either, but after all your 'I'm not a homosexual' bullshit, I find out you've been giving me the run around? That is not fucking okay!"
"But... I'm not a homosexual," John protested, looking at Karkat and then down at his own crotch, and then back to Karkat and his crotch, and... what the actual fuck, really. "I mean, I was okay about doing this with you, but... because you're you. You're the only guy I've ever been attracted to."
"Fucking hell, Egbert, don't you ever pay any gogdamned attention to the inane shit that comes out of your mouth? If I'm the only guy you've ever been attracted to, then you sure as fuck must have been a homosexual at some point."
"Um... not really, dude, no. That's... not how that works."
Karkat just glared, seeming well exasperated. At least he wasn't yelling any more, though-- possibly because he was under the impression that John was just too stupid for it to do any good. "Well, one of these things is not fucking like the other, John. Do you need me to spell it out for you? I am a guy. You are a girl. If you never liked guys before, then--"
"Waaaaait, wait, wait," John told him, flailing just a tiny bit. "Karkat, you've got it backwards. I'm a guy, and you're a girl. Obviously."
Okay, well, now Karkat was definitely looking at him like he was stupid. Whatever, John could deal; it wasn't like he didn't win several dozen of those expressions over the course of an average day, anyway. "Have you been in the sopor slime or something? I told you, Egbert, just say no."
"Karkat, I am not on drugs. I'm just trying to figure out what's going on here, because clearly there has been a massive failure to communicate." John ran a nervous hand through his hair, trying desperately to catch up to what the hell was going on. "Are you saying that troll guys are all... like you?"
"Yes, fuckass, obviously. What, you mean human males all have bulges?"
"Yep! We can get Dave in here for comparison, if you want to check on how super serious I am being right now." John grinned even as Karkat lobbed a pillow at his face. "Or maybe Jade? I always kind of thought you liked her. Maybe you have a thing for twins?"
"Enough," Karkat hissed, lunging forward and knocking John back against the bed, straddling his hips and rocking lightly against John's half-hard cock, all velvety softness and slick wetness, and John couldn't help but be happy with these developments. "Since we've established that neither of us gives a shit, let's get on with it."
John was still grinning when Karkat leaned down to grant him a bruising kiss, and his hand went to rest on Karkat's hip, pulling the troll down further against him. "I want to touch you," he murmured against Karkat's lips when they surfaced for air, and was rewarded with a row of scratches down his left arm.
"Then just fucking do it," Karkat panted, a desperate whine buried somewhere in there, and John's hand moved between them, parting his folds with two fingers. John was hardly experienced with this, and he fumbled around for a few quiet moments, touching everything to judge Karkat's reaction, but he knew he was doing something right when his fingertips brushed a small bump and Karkat stiffened above him and groaned as loudly as he always did when John ran his hands or tongue over his horns. "Do that again," Karkat demanded, rough and impatient, and John did, pressing against that spot with the pad of his thumb as he slowly pushed a finger up inside him, feeling hot, wet muscles contract around the digit.
"Does it hurt?" John asked, and was answered with an embarrassed glare; oh, of course not. Suddenly, John felt even less confident, realizing that Karkat had probably done all this before, and he'd never so much as kissed someone before a short time ago. Something else came to mind, then, and John blushed furiously even as his grin widened, his stomach turning flips. "Hey, uh... Terezi likes licking people, right?"
"Yeah," Karkat grunted, grinding himself against John one more time as John's hand stilled, multitasking not exactly being his forte. "So what?"
"So did she, uh... did she ever lick you... here?" Hesitantly, John rubbed at Karkat's clit a little harder, earning himself a surprised and well-pleased gasp.
"Maybe," Karkat told him noncommitally, burying his face in the crook of John's neck and biting down, mostly to hide his own blush. John interpreted this to mean 'of course' and took his hand away, pushing at Karkat's shoulder with red stained fingers to get him to roll off of him.
"And did you like it?"
Karkat didn't move, but he did look up, scowling, a question in his eyes. "Maybe."
Newly confident, John flipped them over and moved down, kissing a wet trail down Karkat's chest and over his belly, studiously ignoring the gratuitous weirdness of alien bodies; no breasts or nipples or bellybutton, a boy's hips and thighs with something completely different in between. Karkat might not have been a girl, but he was beautiful nonetheless, and when John parted those thighs, he felt all the blood rush away from his brain again. The fact that he was attracted to Karkat in the first place probably meant he wasn't exactly straight as an arrow, but this was a good compromise-- no existential ponderances were necessary to enjoy this.
Aware of Karkat's eyes boring a hole in the top of his head, John bent in, unsure of what exactly to do, lathing his tongue over Karkat in one broad sweep from top to bottom. His hands rested on the smooth insides of Karkat's thighs, and Karkat's fingers came down to tangle in his hair after only a few moments, back arching off the bed as the tip of John's tongue flicked over his clit. John knew he wouldn't be all that good at this the first time, but he wanted to try, and it would be a learning experience. Hopefully, there would be plenty of time in the future to practice, and this thought was more or less affirmed for him as Karkat pulled him in closer, practically smothering him. There would be worse ways to die, John thought, lapping up the sweet lubricating fluid that made Karkat slick and ready, pressing his own hips against the bed; he was hard and stiff and aching, but this was about Karkat first and foremost, and John could wait.
"John," Karkat half gasped, half moaned, tugging hard at John's hair. "John, I... oh fuck, John..." He shivered and writhed, sharp fingernails digging into John's scalp, apparently unsure if he wanted to pull him closer or push him away. John, for his part, was well enjoying this; he loved knowing he'd made Karkat feel so good that he'd lost this much control, and he loved hearing his given name fall from those lips, no vitriolic cursing appended as a suffix. Karkat tasted good, too, which was rather surprising, and if it hadn't been for his own pressing desire, John was sure he could have stayed that way all day.
He pulled away at last, though, not bothering to disguise the way he licked his lips, and looked down at Karkat, the troll's face flushed, his hair plastered at odd angles, his eyes half-lidded. "Karkat, I..."
"Just fucking do it," Karkat demanded, spreading his thighs still wider, inviting, and John complied, thrusting into tight heat that enveloped him fully, making him moan. John collapsed forward, wrapping his arms around Karkat's middle, and Karkat held him back around the shoulders, legs moving to hook over his waist, pulling John steadily deeper. It was the most sublime thing that John had ever felt, so much better than his own hand on himself, desperate and frantic and alone, had been. He wanted to be soft and romantic, with butterfly kisses and hands stroking heated skin, but once wound up so close to bursting Karkat was not inclined to slow himself down-- and come to that, John wasn't either.
He could feel everything like this, their chests pressed flush together with only a thin layer of sweat to separate them, rough gray skin scraping against his nipples as he moved, short jerky thrusts that crushed his body against Karkat's clit on nearly every stroke. Karkat's claws were digging in again, and John could feel lines of blood rolling down his back from the puncture wounds, but it was a sweet, satisfying sort of pain, that kept him grounded and reminded him where he was and what he was doing, as though he could forget. Karkat kissed him hard, tongue pushing into his mouth, and John returned the sentiment, kissing back clumsily as he moved, unable to focus with so many wonderful things happening to his body.
It was so new, and so different, and so delicious that John barely lasted two minutes, but that was alright; Karkat had been on the edge of orgasm when John had first pushed in, and they stepped over the line together, Karkat's arms tightening around his chest so hard that John could hardly breath. He was shaking, shaking, and his bones felt like jelly, and his throat was raw and hoarse from moaning and gasping in air, and they lay that way for some time, Karkat not minding (or choosing not to complain about, for once) the fact that John was still on top of him, practically crushing him.
"I love you," John told him after awhile, fully prepared to be hit or scratched or scoffed at, and not caring. In his mind, after something like that, sappy confessions were practically mandated.
To his relief, all Karkat said was, "When will you be ready to go again?"
---
Dave Strider was a pretty cool dude, according to the vast majority of the universe. It was practically a universal constant-- Karkat was angry, John was an adorable derp, and Dave was the coolest of the coolkids, utterly unflappable. Therefore, he'd taken it like a man with an utter lack of surprise when, in the middle of one of their cartooning sessions, Terezi leaned over and kissed him. Of course she was all over him; Dave Strider got all of the bitches. All of them. It would be weird if he didn't, with all the awesomeness and irony that practically dripped off of him.
They were alone in the computer lab when she decided to upgrade from an interspecies partnership in shitty cartooning to something less platonic, and Dave was cool with that, because he had to be. Being head over heels in love was Egbert's bag, not his, and he certainly wasn't about to go standing outside anyone's window with a boombox or anything cheesy like that, but he could admit that Terezi was pretty cool, too, Karkat's shipping chart be damned. It wasn't like there was any point in following the stupid thing, anyway, considering that Karkat and John had been MIA several times that week, coming back with rumpled clothes and, in John's case, bruised lips. It didn't take a genius to figure out what was going on, and that everything Karkat had ever said against such things was now retroactively invalidated.
She'd pulled away first, which was a bit uncool, but Dave had ignored it, taking the opportunity to fix his sunglasses; they'd started to slip down a bit, and even though he was pretty sure Terezi wouldn't lick his eyeball or anything (though there was really no telling with her), one never knew when some idiot would come stumbling in. "So, uh. Want to tell me what that was all about?" he asked, not turning back to his computer just yet.
Terezi grinned, showing off deadly sharp teeth that, to be honest, kind of freaked Dave out a little bit. Not enough to be a big deal or make a difference, but it was the most alien thing about her, really, and it was hard to get used to the thought of kissing someone that could murder you with their mouth. "You're a really cool guy, Dave," she told him, something almost teasing in her tone.
"Fuck yes I am. You want to be a coolkid too?"
Her grin widened as she leaned in again, one clawed hand resting on his thigh, and Dave pulled himself closer automatically; it wasn't cool to make the first move, but now that she'd come on to him, he would be damned before he let her call all the shots. "Teach me how~" Dave kissed her, not light or hesitant, and found that it really wasn't weird at all. Even with tongue. (As long as he was careful, anyway.)
Dave wasn't like Egbert in a lot of ways, but near the top of the list was that he didn't particularly see a reason to dick around with a hundred dates of cautious making out and maybe a little under the shirt action before going for what he really wanted. It wasn't cool to take without asking first, of course, but Terezi seemed pretty damn enthusiastic, deepening their kisses immediately, tasting his blood through the skin of his tongue and the roof of his mouth, exploring his chest with her hands. No one objected when Dave pulled her shirt off (being smooth enough to do it without getting the fabric caught on her horns on the first try) or when she tore at his, or when she jumped on him, wrapping her legs around his waist and riding him down backward onto the bed where they sprawled together, a tangle of limbs and tongues and teeth, both of their glasses hanging off their faces at odd angles.
Dave had always pictured that her eyes would be a milky white behind the shades, but of course trolls couldn't do anything normally, and it shouldn't have been as much of a shock that she had weird freaky mutant red eyes, just like him. Hers were unnatural, of course, but it was still... Dave didn't know what it was. Egbert probably would have found it heartwarming or touching or something if it'd been him in Dave's place, but Dave could only close his own eyes and pull her down for another kiss, fingers tangling in her hair as he felt himself get hard, her breasts pressed into the planes of his chest. Feeling that it was acceptably cool to show his desire at this point, Dave ground up against her, and--
...Huh.
"Hey, Tz," he started, pulling away, thankfully not sounding too off-put or out of breath. "I'm feeling pretty culturally sensitive up in here, so I'm just going to get this out of the way right now-- is there something about alien biology you forgot to tell me?"
"Like what?" she asked, moving to lick and suck at his neck, and Dave took a short gasp of breath as quietly as he could, enjoying the way the wet muscle slid over his skin.
"Like, uh... in the pants department."
"Oh, that." Terezi was grinning again in a way that made Dave profounding uncomfortable, not that he'd ever admit it. "It's okay, Dave, I won't tell anyone your secret if you don't want me to."
Dave blinked behind his shades, pushing her off a bit so that he could sit up, propping himself up against the wall. "...Okay, I'm going to be perfectly honest here for once, so enjoy that shit while you can: I have no gogdamned idea what you're talking about."
"Dave, it's okay. I've seen your whole life, remember? I know you're not really a guy." Dave was stunned into silence for the first time in his seventeen years of existence, and Terezi went on, "I've been doing lots of research on the Earth internet about it! You're... what do you call it? FTM, I think? I don't really see the point, but... cultural sensitivity, right? It's okay with me."
She leaned in for another kiss and Dave stopped her, one hand resting on her shoulder, keeping her a foot or so away. "Wait. Back the fuck up a second here. I'm just going to gloss right over the fact that you've apparently been getting your perv on with the voyeur machine for, like, all of my life and skip right down Awkward Avenue to arrive at our destination at I Am Not A Transsexual Junction. Okay? Do I look-- sorry, feel like a girl to you?" He punctuated that question with another thrust against her, and was completely nonplussed when she giggled at him.
"Well, yeah. A little flat, maybe--" here she ran her hands over his chest again, unexpectedly, and Dave jerked a fraction when her claws pinched his nipple "--but I don't care about that."
Dave, unlike John, was not an idiot, and the gears in his head clicked into place almost immediately-- there was nothing saying that alien sexual biology had to parallel humanity's exactly, after all, and truth be told, it could have been a lot worse. Dave would take a good, solid cock over flowers or some shit any day; he was cool enough to be able to admit to himself that he might have liked guys, just a little bit. It wasn't anything worth making a big deal over, anyway, even if some people seemed to freak the fuck out about it. Dave wasn't bothered by that, especially since she really did have a nice chest, too, despite the weirdness of having breasts without nipples. Dave moved to touch her the way she was touching him as they talked, cupping her breasts and squeezing, massaging as roughly as he thought was appropriate. Her flesh was warm and soft in his hands, and that was really all that mattered.
"On Earth I'm a guy," he drawled by way of explanation, hammering all unnecessary emotion out of his voice. "Just so we're clear. I mean, you shouldn't run around telling people I've got a cock anyway, but it's not like it's a gogdamned secret, or anything."
"Whatever you say," she purred, and then she was pinning him down again, one hand drifting downward to cup him over his pants. With increasing difficulty Dave prevented himself from making any noises or bucking up against her, and she seemed to take this as a challenge, because the next thing Dave knew she'd unzipped and done away with his pants and boxers, deft fingers stroking his shaft. Not to be outdone, Dave kissed her again, pulling down her pants and working his fingers under the elastic waistband of her panties to press against the head of her cock, eventually drawing it out as well. Terezi's shaft was as thick as his, and a bit firmer, which would make sense with the 'bone bulge' terminology. Later, he would just be glad it didn't have spikes or something else unpleasant.
With his hand wrapped around her cock, Dave attempted to get the upper hand and push her back, but Terezi was having none of it. "Nu-uh, coolkid," she told him, removing her hand from his person to cast around for the suddenly conspicuous bottle of lotion that had been just chilling on the nightstand, unnoticed by Dave until it was too late, and flicking the cap open with an ominous click.
"Dude, no," Dave protested, but not very strenuously-- getting flustered wasn't very good for his cred. "Bottoming is so uncool."
It might, however, he considered as Terezi smirked at him, be highly ironic. Come to think of it, this was pretty much the most ironic fucking situation that Dave could imagine, which was really saying something: getting boned up the ass by an alien chick with a cock who thought you were a transman. That made it okay for him to give in, just a little, when she whispered in his ear, "Didn't I say I wanted to be a coolkid too?"
Dave would have replied to that, but there really wasn't anything else to say, especially not when she was already spreading his legs and positioning herself; it hurt, it hurt like fuck, and there wasn't even an inch in him yet, and he felt so awfully exposed this way, which was downright retarded considering that she couldn't see him anyway. "Wait a second," he told her with an admirable amount of calm, and quickly flipped them over again, straddling her cock. "Man, if we're going to do this, I at least want to be on top."
Terezi accepted the compromise; as he began to sink down on her, the muscles in his thighs trembling, she leaned forward to lick his cheek, cackling slgihtly to herself. "You're blushing, Dave~"
"Shut up. It's a manly blush." Talking was a good distraction, he found, which was very necessary; fuck, Terezi felt even bigger like this, stretching him in a way he'd never seriously anticipated being stretched, and by the time he was seated fully on her lap, the ache had grown into a sharp pain. There was a part about this that felt good, he was sure, but he was not experiencing it at the moment, and that was distinctly unfavorable. He wasn't about to ask for a reach around, though-- if it ever reached that point, he might as well have just turned in his sunglasses right there and then, because he would never be cool again.
She took pity on him, though, and as he lifted himself up a few inches, her fingers curled around him again, stroking him confidently. That was better, a lot better, and it improved even more when he slammed himself down again and the tip of her cock rammed hard against his prostate, sending a shockwave of pleasure radiating out to every part of his body. He didn't moan like a little bitch, of course not, that would have just been silly, but the dual stimulation was nothing short of amazing. Dave rested his hands against Terezi's shoulders for leverage, pushing himself up and down with short, fast strokes, panting through clenched teeth, head thrown back.
It was fine to debase himself this way, really-- no one was watching, and it felt good, and this was a weird way to lose his virginity, yeah, but at least it was an experience. Terezi pressed her thumb against the head of his cock and he slipped up, letting a small sound escape; retaliation was had when he went back to palming and squeezing her breasts, though, and Terezi's head slipped back to rest against the wall as Dave deliberately clenched and tightened around her. It was good, really good, and Terezi could get in deep in this position, hitting that special spot every time, but Dave was not, not going to be the first one to come. Panting heavily, Dave slammed himself down on her a final time and was rewarded with a heavy groan-- and, rather unfortunately, half a pail's worth of cum up his ass. Dave didn't have time to worry about that, though, because Terezi was stroking him roughly, desperately, and before he knew it he was crying out, too, spilling himself over their stomachs.
Dave had never been one for cuddling, and extracted himself from Terezi's grip with shaking limbs, collapsing flat on his back on the bed, trying not to think too hard about anything that had just happened. He could practically feel Terezi's smug smirk, though, as she turned onto her side to face him and asked, "How soon do you think you'll be ready to go again~?"
---
John was already at breakfast the next morning when Dave limped in, smiling and humming to himself as he spread butter over a piece of toast. "Hey, Dave!" he said happily, greeting his friend with a cheery wave, oblivious.
"Well, don't you seem fucking pleased with yourself," Dave asked, standing next to a chair, hovering there with his hands in his pockets. "Long night with Karkles?"
John blushed but nodded, still grinning. "Uh-huh. Hey, sit down and have breakfast with me! I've got lots to talk about."
"Nah, man, I'm good. I'll take some toast, though," Dave commented, grabbing a piece of John's plate like a goddamn toast ninja and stuffing half of it in his mouth in one bite. "Gotta pack in some carbs. What'd you want to tell me about?"
"Well..." John's eyes darted back and forth excitedly behind his glasses, checking to make sure they were alone, and then leaned in close, whispering excitedly, "Guess what? It turns out that guy trolls have, um, girl parts! Isn't that great?"
John was absolutely baffled by Dave's slight glare, and even more so when he grumped, "Gogdamn it, Egbert. You get to have your I-am-not-a-homo cake and eat it too." It didn't get less perplexing when Terezi walked by, grinning, and slapped Dave on the ass, causing him to choke on his toast. Oh well, John thought, shrugging, as Dave coughed and struggled to raise his shields of irony again.
Trolls sure were weird!
(Dear kink meme: I love you.)
Title: Mix and Match
Fandom: MSPA (Homestuck)
Pairings: John/Karkat, Terezi/Dave
Rating: R
Warnings: So much porn. Just... so much. Also I guess this counts as futanari??? Of all the things I never thought I'd be writing...
Prompt: "Request is for trolls having 'opposite parts'. I know it doesn't really make sense with all the references to bone bulges, but let's pretend that troll men have vaginas and troll ladies have cocks. I want to see a troll and and one of the kids hook up and have lots of "oh god wtf you're backwards" confusion and alarm. I don't really care which pairing it is, but there's a lot of them it could be hilarious/cute with (John/Karkat, Rose/Kanaya, Dave/Terezi, Jade/Tavros, etc.) If it ends up being a troll girl with a human guy, bonus points for pegging!"
Bonus points achieved, anon. In spades.
~~~
When John had first seen Karkat, he'd been blown away. He'd been expecting something new and different, and looked forward to it, but if he'd known just how hard he'd be hit by the sheer novelty of it, he'd have just stayed back in his familiar little corner of the Medium. Karkat was just so different, so strange and, well, alien that it didn't seem to matter quite as much that he was a guy on top of it. He had ashy gray skin and nubby little horns like stubs of candy corn that John found absolutely adorable and teeth that might as well have belonged to a tiger or a shark or some other manner of heinous wildlife, and compared to that, possession of a dick didn't seem to be quite the hurdle he would have once thought it to be.
It wasn't as though John was suddenly letting his fabulous homosexuality flag fly or anything, flapping gayly in the solar wind, but the truth was that John hadn't had much opportunity to be attracted to anyone much at all before Sburb, and definitely not during it, and now here was Karkat, rough and dangerous with a secret soft spot that John was suddenly prepared to spend years of his life discovering. It was a bit disconcerting, at first, and things had certainly been awkward between them, a few days of avoiding each other in hallways and not quite meeting the other's eye when they met-- John got the impression that Karkat was still embarrassed over confessing his hate to him, and he'd set out on an epic quest to change his mind about that.
Unfortunately, he hadn't been able to come up with a way to do that beyond inviting himself over for a movie marathon and surprising Karkat with a kiss halfway through it, his hand resting cautiously on the troll's outer thigh. It was surprisingly passable, and even a bit nice, but he'd just begun to really enjoy it when Karkat had pushed him away, looking flushed, half-crazed, and completely scandalized. "What the fuck, Egbert?" he'd snarled as John sat back on his knees, panting heavily. "I thought you weren't a homosexual, or whatever the hell. If you're playing me, I swear I'll--"
"I can't hate you like you want me to, Karkat," John interrupted, watching as Karkat's expression slid from disbelief to outright anger as the kindled spark of hope was doused. "But I can pretend, if that's what it takes." Then he'd leaned in again, pressing his lips against the stunned troll's, and the Heir took his breath away.
Some time had passed since then, but not too much-- and John wasn't embarrassed at all to admit that those happy hours had been some of the best of his life. Given how much crabbier Karkat had seemed recently, John would have been willing to wager that he agreed; Karkat was never more content than when he had someone to yell at, and John had given him plenty of opportunities, from his kissing skills (or lack of; a red-faced Karkat had pronounced them substandard between gasps of air after a particularly heated practice session) to his quote-unquote "terrible fucking taste in movies," which Karkat wasn't really in a position to judge. There had been yelling in the halls, in their respective rooms, in bed as John pressed him down hesitantly, sliding his hands cautiously up under the troll's shirt to stroke rough skin. John had come to be able to tell when he was doing something really right, because Karkat yelled a lot then-- in his less gentlemanly moments, usually when he was alone in his room after one of their dates, John had wondered if there would be yelling in more intimate moments, too, if the secret to making him shut up and just go with it lay in mastery of the ultimate romantic arts.
Things had progressed, though, from kissing to stroking and hips grinding desperately until John inevitably separated himself. He hadn't been ready, emotionally or physically, and it had been kind of intimidating that Karkat never seemed to get hard-- John would be on top of him, raring to go, and... nothing. Karkat seemed to be enjoying it, sure, but not nearly as much, and that was a little awkward. He'd been surprised, then, to show up for their latest date to find the door soundly locked behind him, a shiny new pail sitting in the middle of the floor, more for show than anything. "Enough fucking around," Karkat had growled into his ear, breath hot against his neck, and John had agreed with an involuntary shiver, tensing and relaxing alternately as Karkat had run his hands under his shirt; it was the same thing they'd done before, but it seemed different now, more urgent, and the point was only driven home when sharp claws applied a bit of pressure to his heated skin, leaving white lines in their wake over developing pectorals.
Skip ahead a few minutes, and here they were in the present, sprawled out together on the bed, shirts gone, John's fingers hooked in the band of Karkat's pants, preparing to drag them down. "Is this okay?" he asked, killing time for his own sake-- he loved Karkat, he knew he did, and he knew he wanted it, but the knowledge that he was about to come face to face with the first erect cock he'd ever seen that wasn't attached to himself was... frightening, really. It made his skin hot and the muscles in his belly tight as he tried to figure out what he wanted to do about it, and he was rapidly coming to the conclusion that what he wanted, more than anything, was to get those pants off. Not because Karkat was a guy, of course, but because he was Karkat. He always felt good during their time together, and he wanted to make sure that Karkat did, too.
That impulse was dimmed only slightly when Karkat cuffed him on the side of his head, nearly knocking his glasses off and setting a ringing in his ears. "What the fuck do you think?" Karkat panted, scowling in a way that was meant to be frightening but wound up being endearing instead, and John just grinned back at him, complying. He couldn't pretend to be excited, exactly, but his mouth was dry and his heart was beating hard in his chest as he pulled down Karkat's pants and underwear to reveal...
...Huh.
"Um, Karkat?" John asked, sitting back on his haunches to examine what was very much the opposite of what he'd been expecting. "Is there, um, something you want to tell me?" John had never known much about 'alternate lifestyles' or whatever they were calling it these days, aside from being cool with it in general terms, but he did know that if you looked like a guy and talked like a guy and went around proclaiming yourself to be a guy, then there was definitely something going on when you were packing something other than a penis in your pants. "I mean, I don't mind, but it's just... I thought..."
"Shut the fuck up," Karkat told him succinctly, blushing heavily. John couldn't help but notice that he was flushed down there, too, the fleshy lips engorged with blood, and while John was confused, this was such a relief that he almost couldn't believe it. He'd thought that he'd enjoy their time together, of course, but now he knew he would; even if Karkat's chest was as flat and smooth as his own, this was still more familiar territory, and thus ground he was happy to be on. He was so caught up in this pleasant train of thought (and in trying to not stare at Karkat too openly), in fact, that he entirely failed to notice when Karkat tugged his pants down in irritated retaliation. John certainly didn't miss the way his eyes widened, though, or the somewhat betrayed look Karkat shot him.
"You told me you were a guy!" he practically shouted, his voice curiously high pitched. "Fuck, John, what else have you been lying about?"
"What?" John could only ask, intelligently, blinking in confusion that had suddenly skyrocketed to epic proportions. "Dude, of course I'm a guy. You should have told me you were a girl, though. Man, you wouldn't believe how weird it was being attracted to a guy! ...I mean, obviously, because you don't really do that in your culture, but..." John was rambling now, and he was aware of it, but it was just a little scary being so completely exposed in front of an angry troll with a mouthful of weaponry.
"Well excuse the fuck out of me, Egbert," Karkat huffed, at least managing to calm himself (herself?) down a smidgen, "but where do you get off calling me a girl? You're the one with a bone bulge!"
"...What?" John echoed, unable to dredge a better response from the swirling vortex of muck his conscious mind had turned into.
"I mean... I mean, just fucking look at it!" Karkat coughed, pointing at the incriminating evidence. "It's not like I give a shit either, but after all your 'I'm not a homosexual' bullshit, I find out you've been giving me the run around? That is not fucking okay!"
"But... I'm not a homosexual," John protested, looking at Karkat and then down at his own crotch, and then back to Karkat and his crotch, and... what the actual fuck, really. "I mean, I was okay about doing this with you, but... because you're you. You're the only guy I've ever been attracted to."
"Fucking hell, Egbert, don't you ever pay any gogdamned attention to the inane shit that comes out of your mouth? If I'm the only guy you've ever been attracted to, then you sure as fuck must have been a homosexual at some point."
"Um... not really, dude, no. That's... not how that works."
Karkat just glared, seeming well exasperated. At least he wasn't yelling any more, though-- possibly because he was under the impression that John was just too stupid for it to do any good. "Well, one of these things is not fucking like the other, John. Do you need me to spell it out for you? I am a guy. You are a girl. If you never liked guys before, then--"
"Waaaaait, wait, wait," John told him, flailing just a tiny bit. "Karkat, you've got it backwards. I'm a guy, and you're a girl. Obviously."
Okay, well, now Karkat was definitely looking at him like he was stupid. Whatever, John could deal; it wasn't like he didn't win several dozen of those expressions over the course of an average day, anyway. "Have you been in the sopor slime or something? I told you, Egbert, just say no."
"Karkat, I am not on drugs. I'm just trying to figure out what's going on here, because clearly there has been a massive failure to communicate." John ran a nervous hand through his hair, trying desperately to catch up to what the hell was going on. "Are you saying that troll guys are all... like you?"
"Yes, fuckass, obviously. What, you mean human males all have bulges?"
"Yep! We can get Dave in here for comparison, if you want to check on how super serious I am being right now." John grinned even as Karkat lobbed a pillow at his face. "Or maybe Jade? I always kind of thought you liked her. Maybe you have a thing for twins?"
"Enough," Karkat hissed, lunging forward and knocking John back against the bed, straddling his hips and rocking lightly against John's half-hard cock, all velvety softness and slick wetness, and John couldn't help but be happy with these developments. "Since we've established that neither of us gives a shit, let's get on with it."
John was still grinning when Karkat leaned down to grant him a bruising kiss, and his hand went to rest on Karkat's hip, pulling the troll down further against him. "I want to touch you," he murmured against Karkat's lips when they surfaced for air, and was rewarded with a row of scratches down his left arm.
"Then just fucking do it," Karkat panted, a desperate whine buried somewhere in there, and John's hand moved between them, parting his folds with two fingers. John was hardly experienced with this, and he fumbled around for a few quiet moments, touching everything to judge Karkat's reaction, but he knew he was doing something right when his fingertips brushed a small bump and Karkat stiffened above him and groaned as loudly as he always did when John ran his hands or tongue over his horns. "Do that again," Karkat demanded, rough and impatient, and John did, pressing against that spot with the pad of his thumb as he slowly pushed a finger up inside him, feeling hot, wet muscles contract around the digit.
"Does it hurt?" John asked, and was answered with an embarrassed glare; oh, of course not. Suddenly, John felt even less confident, realizing that Karkat had probably done all this before, and he'd never so much as kissed someone before a short time ago. Something else came to mind, then, and John blushed furiously even as his grin widened, his stomach turning flips. "Hey, uh... Terezi likes licking people, right?"
"Yeah," Karkat grunted, grinding himself against John one more time as John's hand stilled, multitasking not exactly being his forte. "So what?"
"So did she, uh... did she ever lick you... here?" Hesitantly, John rubbed at Karkat's clit a little harder, earning himself a surprised and well-pleased gasp.
"Maybe," Karkat told him noncommitally, burying his face in the crook of John's neck and biting down, mostly to hide his own blush. John interpreted this to mean 'of course' and took his hand away, pushing at Karkat's shoulder with red stained fingers to get him to roll off of him.
"And did you like it?"
Karkat didn't move, but he did look up, scowling, a question in his eyes. "Maybe."
Newly confident, John flipped them over and moved down, kissing a wet trail down Karkat's chest and over his belly, studiously ignoring the gratuitous weirdness of alien bodies; no breasts or nipples or bellybutton, a boy's hips and thighs with something completely different in between. Karkat might not have been a girl, but he was beautiful nonetheless, and when John parted those thighs, he felt all the blood rush away from his brain again. The fact that he was attracted to Karkat in the first place probably meant he wasn't exactly straight as an arrow, but this was a good compromise-- no existential ponderances were necessary to enjoy this.
Aware of Karkat's eyes boring a hole in the top of his head, John bent in, unsure of what exactly to do, lathing his tongue over Karkat in one broad sweep from top to bottom. His hands rested on the smooth insides of Karkat's thighs, and Karkat's fingers came down to tangle in his hair after only a few moments, back arching off the bed as the tip of John's tongue flicked over his clit. John knew he wouldn't be all that good at this the first time, but he wanted to try, and it would be a learning experience. Hopefully, there would be plenty of time in the future to practice, and this thought was more or less affirmed for him as Karkat pulled him in closer, practically smothering him. There would be worse ways to die, John thought, lapping up the sweet lubricating fluid that made Karkat slick and ready, pressing his own hips against the bed; he was hard and stiff and aching, but this was about Karkat first and foremost, and John could wait.
"John," Karkat half gasped, half moaned, tugging hard at John's hair. "John, I... oh fuck, John..." He shivered and writhed, sharp fingernails digging into John's scalp, apparently unsure if he wanted to pull him closer or push him away. John, for his part, was well enjoying this; he loved knowing he'd made Karkat feel so good that he'd lost this much control, and he loved hearing his given name fall from those lips, no vitriolic cursing appended as a suffix. Karkat tasted good, too, which was rather surprising, and if it hadn't been for his own pressing desire, John was sure he could have stayed that way all day.
He pulled away at last, though, not bothering to disguise the way he licked his lips, and looked down at Karkat, the troll's face flushed, his hair plastered at odd angles, his eyes half-lidded. "Karkat, I..."
"Just fucking do it," Karkat demanded, spreading his thighs still wider, inviting, and John complied, thrusting into tight heat that enveloped him fully, making him moan. John collapsed forward, wrapping his arms around Karkat's middle, and Karkat held him back around the shoulders, legs moving to hook over his waist, pulling John steadily deeper. It was the most sublime thing that John had ever felt, so much better than his own hand on himself, desperate and frantic and alone, had been. He wanted to be soft and romantic, with butterfly kisses and hands stroking heated skin, but once wound up so close to bursting Karkat was not inclined to slow himself down-- and come to that, John wasn't either.
He could feel everything like this, their chests pressed flush together with only a thin layer of sweat to separate them, rough gray skin scraping against his nipples as he moved, short jerky thrusts that crushed his body against Karkat's clit on nearly every stroke. Karkat's claws were digging in again, and John could feel lines of blood rolling down his back from the puncture wounds, but it was a sweet, satisfying sort of pain, that kept him grounded and reminded him where he was and what he was doing, as though he could forget. Karkat kissed him hard, tongue pushing into his mouth, and John returned the sentiment, kissing back clumsily as he moved, unable to focus with so many wonderful things happening to his body.
It was so new, and so different, and so delicious that John barely lasted two minutes, but that was alright; Karkat had been on the edge of orgasm when John had first pushed in, and they stepped over the line together, Karkat's arms tightening around his chest so hard that John could hardly breath. He was shaking, shaking, and his bones felt like jelly, and his throat was raw and hoarse from moaning and gasping in air, and they lay that way for some time, Karkat not minding (or choosing not to complain about, for once) the fact that John was still on top of him, practically crushing him.
"I love you," John told him after awhile, fully prepared to be hit or scratched or scoffed at, and not caring. In his mind, after something like that, sappy confessions were practically mandated.
To his relief, all Karkat said was, "When will you be ready to go again?"
---
Dave Strider was a pretty cool dude, according to the vast majority of the universe. It was practically a universal constant-- Karkat was angry, John was an adorable derp, and Dave was the coolest of the coolkids, utterly unflappable. Therefore, he'd taken it like a man with an utter lack of surprise when, in the middle of one of their cartooning sessions, Terezi leaned over and kissed him. Of course she was all over him; Dave Strider got all of the bitches. All of them. It would be weird if he didn't, with all the awesomeness and irony that practically dripped off of him.
They were alone in the computer lab when she decided to upgrade from an interspecies partnership in shitty cartooning to something less platonic, and Dave was cool with that, because he had to be. Being head over heels in love was Egbert's bag, not his, and he certainly wasn't about to go standing outside anyone's window with a boombox or anything cheesy like that, but he could admit that Terezi was pretty cool, too, Karkat's shipping chart be damned. It wasn't like there was any point in following the stupid thing, anyway, considering that Karkat and John had been MIA several times that week, coming back with rumpled clothes and, in John's case, bruised lips. It didn't take a genius to figure out what was going on, and that everything Karkat had ever said against such things was now retroactively invalidated.
She'd pulled away first, which was a bit uncool, but Dave had ignored it, taking the opportunity to fix his sunglasses; they'd started to slip down a bit, and even though he was pretty sure Terezi wouldn't lick his eyeball or anything (though there was really no telling with her), one never knew when some idiot would come stumbling in. "So, uh. Want to tell me what that was all about?" he asked, not turning back to his computer just yet.
Terezi grinned, showing off deadly sharp teeth that, to be honest, kind of freaked Dave out a little bit. Not enough to be a big deal or make a difference, but it was the most alien thing about her, really, and it was hard to get used to the thought of kissing someone that could murder you with their mouth. "You're a really cool guy, Dave," she told him, something almost teasing in her tone.
"Fuck yes I am. You want to be a coolkid too?"
Her grin widened as she leaned in again, one clawed hand resting on his thigh, and Dave pulled himself closer automatically; it wasn't cool to make the first move, but now that she'd come on to him, he would be damned before he let her call all the shots. "Teach me how~" Dave kissed her, not light or hesitant, and found that it really wasn't weird at all. Even with tongue. (As long as he was careful, anyway.)
Dave wasn't like Egbert in a lot of ways, but near the top of the list was that he didn't particularly see a reason to dick around with a hundred dates of cautious making out and maybe a little under the shirt action before going for what he really wanted. It wasn't cool to take without asking first, of course, but Terezi seemed pretty damn enthusiastic, deepening their kisses immediately, tasting his blood through the skin of his tongue and the roof of his mouth, exploring his chest with her hands. No one objected when Dave pulled her shirt off (being smooth enough to do it without getting the fabric caught on her horns on the first try) or when she tore at his, or when she jumped on him, wrapping her legs around his waist and riding him down backward onto the bed where they sprawled together, a tangle of limbs and tongues and teeth, both of their glasses hanging off their faces at odd angles.
Dave had always pictured that her eyes would be a milky white behind the shades, but of course trolls couldn't do anything normally, and it shouldn't have been as much of a shock that she had weird freaky mutant red eyes, just like him. Hers were unnatural, of course, but it was still... Dave didn't know what it was. Egbert probably would have found it heartwarming or touching or something if it'd been him in Dave's place, but Dave could only close his own eyes and pull her down for another kiss, fingers tangling in her hair as he felt himself get hard, her breasts pressed into the planes of his chest. Feeling that it was acceptably cool to show his desire at this point, Dave ground up against her, and--
...Huh.
"Hey, Tz," he started, pulling away, thankfully not sounding too off-put or out of breath. "I'm feeling pretty culturally sensitive up in here, so I'm just going to get this out of the way right now-- is there something about alien biology you forgot to tell me?"
"Like what?" she asked, moving to lick and suck at his neck, and Dave took a short gasp of breath as quietly as he could, enjoying the way the wet muscle slid over his skin.
"Like, uh... in the pants department."
"Oh, that." Terezi was grinning again in a way that made Dave profounding uncomfortable, not that he'd ever admit it. "It's okay, Dave, I won't tell anyone your secret if you don't want me to."
Dave blinked behind his shades, pushing her off a bit so that he could sit up, propping himself up against the wall. "...Okay, I'm going to be perfectly honest here for once, so enjoy that shit while you can: I have no gogdamned idea what you're talking about."
"Dave, it's okay. I've seen your whole life, remember? I know you're not really a guy." Dave was stunned into silence for the first time in his seventeen years of existence, and Terezi went on, "I've been doing lots of research on the Earth internet about it! You're... what do you call it? FTM, I think? I don't really see the point, but... cultural sensitivity, right? It's okay with me."
She leaned in for another kiss and Dave stopped her, one hand resting on her shoulder, keeping her a foot or so away. "Wait. Back the fuck up a second here. I'm just going to gloss right over the fact that you've apparently been getting your perv on with the voyeur machine for, like, all of my life and skip right down Awkward Avenue to arrive at our destination at I Am Not A Transsexual Junction. Okay? Do I look-- sorry, feel like a girl to you?" He punctuated that question with another thrust against her, and was completely nonplussed when she giggled at him.
"Well, yeah. A little flat, maybe--" here she ran her hands over his chest again, unexpectedly, and Dave jerked a fraction when her claws pinched his nipple "--but I don't care about that."
Dave, unlike John, was not an idiot, and the gears in his head clicked into place almost immediately-- there was nothing saying that alien sexual biology had to parallel humanity's exactly, after all, and truth be told, it could have been a lot worse. Dave would take a good, solid cock over flowers or some shit any day; he was cool enough to be able to admit to himself that he might have liked guys, just a little bit. It wasn't anything worth making a big deal over, anyway, even if some people seemed to freak the fuck out about it. Dave wasn't bothered by that, especially since she really did have a nice chest, too, despite the weirdness of having breasts without nipples. Dave moved to touch her the way she was touching him as they talked, cupping her breasts and squeezing, massaging as roughly as he thought was appropriate. Her flesh was warm and soft in his hands, and that was really all that mattered.
"On Earth I'm a guy," he drawled by way of explanation, hammering all unnecessary emotion out of his voice. "Just so we're clear. I mean, you shouldn't run around telling people I've got a cock anyway, but it's not like it's a gogdamned secret, or anything."
"Whatever you say," she purred, and then she was pinning him down again, one hand drifting downward to cup him over his pants. With increasing difficulty Dave prevented himself from making any noises or bucking up against her, and she seemed to take this as a challenge, because the next thing Dave knew she'd unzipped and done away with his pants and boxers, deft fingers stroking his shaft. Not to be outdone, Dave kissed her again, pulling down her pants and working his fingers under the elastic waistband of her panties to press against the head of her cock, eventually drawing it out as well. Terezi's shaft was as thick as his, and a bit firmer, which would make sense with the 'bone bulge' terminology. Later, he would just be glad it didn't have spikes or something else unpleasant.
With his hand wrapped around her cock, Dave attempted to get the upper hand and push her back, but Terezi was having none of it. "Nu-uh, coolkid," she told him, removing her hand from his person to cast around for the suddenly conspicuous bottle of lotion that had been just chilling on the nightstand, unnoticed by Dave until it was too late, and flicking the cap open with an ominous click.
"Dude, no," Dave protested, but not very strenuously-- getting flustered wasn't very good for his cred. "Bottoming is so uncool."
It might, however, he considered as Terezi smirked at him, be highly ironic. Come to think of it, this was pretty much the most ironic fucking situation that Dave could imagine, which was really saying something: getting boned up the ass by an alien chick with a cock who thought you were a transman. That made it okay for him to give in, just a little, when she whispered in his ear, "Didn't I say I wanted to be a coolkid too?"
Dave would have replied to that, but there really wasn't anything else to say, especially not when she was already spreading his legs and positioning herself; it hurt, it hurt like fuck, and there wasn't even an inch in him yet, and he felt so awfully exposed this way, which was downright retarded considering that she couldn't see him anyway. "Wait a second," he told her with an admirable amount of calm, and quickly flipped them over again, straddling her cock. "Man, if we're going to do this, I at least want to be on top."
Terezi accepted the compromise; as he began to sink down on her, the muscles in his thighs trembling, she leaned forward to lick his cheek, cackling slgihtly to herself. "You're blushing, Dave~"
"Shut up. It's a manly blush." Talking was a good distraction, he found, which was very necessary; fuck, Terezi felt even bigger like this, stretching him in a way he'd never seriously anticipated being stretched, and by the time he was seated fully on her lap, the ache had grown into a sharp pain. There was a part about this that felt good, he was sure, but he was not experiencing it at the moment, and that was distinctly unfavorable. He wasn't about to ask for a reach around, though-- if it ever reached that point, he might as well have just turned in his sunglasses right there and then, because he would never be cool again.
She took pity on him, though, and as he lifted himself up a few inches, her fingers curled around him again, stroking him confidently. That was better, a lot better, and it improved even more when he slammed himself down again and the tip of her cock rammed hard against his prostate, sending a shockwave of pleasure radiating out to every part of his body. He didn't moan like a little bitch, of course not, that would have just been silly, but the dual stimulation was nothing short of amazing. Dave rested his hands against Terezi's shoulders for leverage, pushing himself up and down with short, fast strokes, panting through clenched teeth, head thrown back.
It was fine to debase himself this way, really-- no one was watching, and it felt good, and this was a weird way to lose his virginity, yeah, but at least it was an experience. Terezi pressed her thumb against the head of his cock and he slipped up, letting a small sound escape; retaliation was had when he went back to palming and squeezing her breasts, though, and Terezi's head slipped back to rest against the wall as Dave deliberately clenched and tightened around her. It was good, really good, and Terezi could get in deep in this position, hitting that special spot every time, but Dave was not, not going to be the first one to come. Panting heavily, Dave slammed himself down on her a final time and was rewarded with a heavy groan-- and, rather unfortunately, half a pail's worth of cum up his ass. Dave didn't have time to worry about that, though, because Terezi was stroking him roughly, desperately, and before he knew it he was crying out, too, spilling himself over their stomachs.
Dave had never been one for cuddling, and extracted himself from Terezi's grip with shaking limbs, collapsing flat on his back on the bed, trying not to think too hard about anything that had just happened. He could practically feel Terezi's smug smirk, though, as she turned onto her side to face him and asked, "How soon do you think you'll be ready to go again~?"
---
John was already at breakfast the next morning when Dave limped in, smiling and humming to himself as he spread butter over a piece of toast. "Hey, Dave!" he said happily, greeting his friend with a cheery wave, oblivious.
"Well, don't you seem fucking pleased with yourself," Dave asked, standing next to a chair, hovering there with his hands in his pockets. "Long night with Karkles?"
John blushed but nodded, still grinning. "Uh-huh. Hey, sit down and have breakfast with me! I've got lots to talk about."
"Nah, man, I'm good. I'll take some toast, though," Dave commented, grabbing a piece of John's plate like a goddamn toast ninja and stuffing half of it in his mouth in one bite. "Gotta pack in some carbs. What'd you want to tell me about?"
"Well..." John's eyes darted back and forth excitedly behind his glasses, checking to make sure they were alone, and then leaned in close, whispering excitedly, "Guess what? It turns out that guy trolls have, um, girl parts! Isn't that great?"
John was absolutely baffled by Dave's slight glare, and even more so when he grumped, "Gogdamn it, Egbert. You get to have your I-am-not-a-homo cake and eat it too." It didn't get less perplexing when Terezi walked by, grinning, and slapped Dave on the ass, causing him to choke on his toast. Oh well, John thought, shrugging, as Dave coughed and struggled to raise his shields of irony again.
Trolls sure were weird!