(no subject)
I feel really terribleI guess I should be making an effort to sit in this sadness and process it, instead of pushing it away. I know I'll be OK. I just feel so fucking shitty.
I miss Casey so much. hate that I always miss her the most when I'm feeling bad already, but I guess it's the truth of the situation. She was always listened to me when I needed to vent. She held me up and she validated me when I needed someone to hold me up and validate me. She helped me feel strong and not alone and I really fucking needed that. I still can't believe she's really gone. I think no matter how long it's been, it will never really believe that she's dead. I don't know how I am supposed to tackle my entire goddamned life without her.
I don't know what to say about Ian.
Our relationship has been stupid and shitty and dysfunctional for a while, I guess. I never really know what he wants. It's probably just stupid, wishful thinking on my part that he feels anything for me or that he wants absolutly anything from me other than to get his dick sucked. I think the bottom line here is that he makes me feel shitty. And he has been making me feel shitty for a while now.
I miss Casey so much. hate that I always miss her the most when I'm feeling bad already, but I guess it's the truth of the situation. She was always listened to me when I needed to vent. She held me up and she validated me when I needed someone to hold me up and validate me. She helped me feel strong and not alone and I really fucking needed that. I still can't believe she's really gone. I think no matter how long it's been, it will never really believe that she's dead. I don't know how I am supposed to tackle my entire goddamned life without her.
I don't know what to say about Ian.
Our relationship has been stupid and shitty and dysfunctional for a while, I guess. I never really know what he wants. It's probably just stupid, wishful thinking on my part that he feels anything for me or that he wants absolutly anything from me other than to get his dick sucked. I think the bottom line here is that he makes me feel shitty. And he has been making me feel shitty for a while now.