charts
I think it's fairly obvious right now that I no longer want to study. I am sooooooo procrastinating right now...
The next few lines are actual lines from patient's charts in the Philippine General Hospital. As amusing as they are, we must understand that while you're on duty things like grammar tend to fall last in the priority rating... I guess... Intern and clerk friends, my apologies. We shall soon share in your toxicity and soupy-ness.
1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. (I do believe anyone would have chest pain if they do this)
2. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared. (Biblical... But maybe surgical!)
3. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. (OH SHEEEET!!!!)
4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. (Now this actually sounds like a decent assessment of a patient... I mean, is there supposed to be something wrong with this?)
5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. (Dude, is this your patient... or your girlfriend?)
6. Discharge status: Alive but without permission. (And this is the intro for the new Resident Evil movie)
7. The patient refused autopsy. (Who wouldn't???)
8. The patient has no previous history of suicides. (That would be apparent)
9. She is numb from her toes down. (What if the patient was upside down?)
10. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home. (Now I'm having second thoughts about visiting the radiology department...)
11. The skin was moist and dry. (To be fair to the person that wrote this, it took me a good 5 minutes to get this)
12. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches. (Yes... Those are the choices... Now, pick one...)
13. Patient was alert and unresponsive. (Again, please choose one!)
14. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. (You know where your rectum is right? You know where your thyroid is right? Now draw a straight line.)
15. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce. (Must have been a really bad marriage if you ask me...)
16. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. (What kind of a lab is this anyway??)
17. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead. (Hmmm... Okay... I see it... No wait, I don't)
18. Skin: somewhat pale but present. (Because if it were absent, then she'd be a ghost)
19. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. (Teenagers are indeed a problem lately...)
I should probably go back to studying right now...
The next few lines are actual lines from patient's charts in the Philippine General Hospital. As amusing as they are, we must understand that while you're on duty things like grammar tend to fall last in the priority rating... I guess... Intern and clerk friends, my apologies. We shall soon share in your toxicity and soupy-ness.
1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. (I do believe anyone would have chest pain if they do this)
2. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared. (Biblical... But maybe surgical!)
3. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. (OH SHEEEET!!!!)
4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. (Now this actually sounds like a decent assessment of a patient... I mean, is there supposed to be something wrong with this?)
5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. (Dude, is this your patient... or your girlfriend?)
6. Discharge status: Alive but without permission. (And this is the intro for the new Resident Evil movie)
7. The patient refused autopsy. (Who wouldn't???)
8. The patient has no previous history of suicides. (That would be apparent)
9. She is numb from her toes down. (What if the patient was upside down?)
10. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home. (Now I'm having second thoughts about visiting the radiology department...)
11. The skin was moist and dry. (To be fair to the person that wrote this, it took me a good 5 minutes to get this)
12. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches. (Yes... Those are the choices... Now, pick one...)
13. Patient was alert and unresponsive. (Again, please choose one!)
14. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. (You know where your rectum is right? You know where your thyroid is right? Now draw a straight line.)
15. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce. (Must have been a really bad marriage if you ask me...)
16. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. (What kind of a lab is this anyway??)
17. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead. (Hmmm... Okay... I see it... No wait, I don't)
18. Skin: somewhat pale but present. (Because if it were absent, then she'd be a ghost)
19. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. (Teenagers are indeed a problem lately...)
I should probably go back to studying right now...