(no subject)
So I've had to come to terms with not having my Harem this year. Thalia is right. I can't have a makeshift Harem, it has to be The Harem. And I can go on, believe me Thalia's had to put up with it, the exact details I see my Harem set.
Of course the pain has been eased ever so slightly with me buying presents for me! My precious Cellini bag which I've been fantasising about for, is now mine. Just a tad bit obsessed with the pictures...
I'm confused only because I want to be. Denial of course. I don't want to face things, and for things to change I need to accept them and do something about it. I know that. But I can't. And I really want to. I need for all this to change. It's just taking too much of me, and I hardly have anything left.
I try to think of a time where I could just go back, when it was simple and happy; but there is none. So I just fall back into denial, and plot unattainable futures.
I'm still stuck on the stairs, and I desperately want to follow the girl who runs up, but I can't. And I know that I"m wasting my time, but I just don't know how to get up. And what's so selfish is that I have people offering to pull me up so I can follow, but I don't take it. And I know that I only have myself to blame.