wow ok
I really don't understand myself sometimes.. lol
1st off... Sorry jen and gilla for not getting in touch yesterday... i couldn't find my birth control or my cell phone... so yah.. it wasn't pleasant.... im sorry girls.. a lot.. :(
moving on.....
I am sooo freakin sad right now.. like crying for no reason/not talking to anyone/ if i do talk its 1 word answer sad...
maybe it has to do with Julio.. maybe not... I don't really know.
the Julio thing does suck... cause i feel so hopeless in this situation i don't know what to do.
pretty much his mom = crazy... and she disconnected his and dre's phone... took away the internet... and oh yeah... we're both car less currently... and even if i was to show up at his home.. his mom would KILL me... cause i'm not exactly in her top choices...
so i don't know what he's doing or how he's doing... and it's not like i can pick up the phone to call him.. i hafta wait around like an idiot for him to call me.. and it sucks so bad.
what makes it like worse... is that im leaving real soon.. and idk if ill even talk to him before i leave.. let alone see him....
maybe this sounds extremely desperate... cause i got the trip to Honduras from a half year to 4 months... (sooo sick) but its all going trwrds that love thing... this sounds so silly.
I think before him... like everything thats happened... and with the exception of scott in highschool... he's the only other person that i've cared this much for.. i mean sure there was jeff and our unexplained romance... and i cared for that boy a whole freaking lot.. but this.. this is different... hes the only other boy besides scott to make me feel so alive. I really can't stand the fact of being away from him for that amount of time.. and it's not like another state far away.. we're talking another continent.
It's funny how we came to be together.. I mean we we're both whoring it out when we met eachother.. so we never really thought nething of it.. just a hook up... but somewhere... everything changed. which brings me to something really uncalled for but its my LJ.. so flippin deal...
having sex with him... is freakin A-mazing. And not just cause its sex.. haha but because it means something... i mean... now ima sound like a slut.. but ive had my share of hookups and what not.. and they were all just gay.. gay gay gay.... going back to the scott thing.. scott was the only person that ever meant anything to me... obviously... i mean we gave our virginty to eachother so yah.. hahah. but after that... neone else i hooked up with... was nothing... which is bad.. cause i used to view sex as this amazing thing to be shared by two people who really cared.... and i forgot about that.. until Julio came along... now it's like this amazing concept... that i only want to share with him.
*sighs* he makes me want to be like 40394032 times better than what i am... I am so head over heels in love with this boy.. it amazes me.
so as you can tell.. not being able to see him, touch him, or even hear him.. is killing me... and of course.. the fact that his mom is crazy.. adds to it.
- finish weirdest heart to heart entry ever -
1st off... Sorry jen and gilla for not getting in touch yesterday... i couldn't find my birth control or my cell phone... so yah.. it wasn't pleasant.... im sorry girls.. a lot.. :(
moving on.....
I am sooo freakin sad right now.. like crying for no reason/not talking to anyone/ if i do talk its 1 word answer sad...
maybe it has to do with Julio.. maybe not... I don't really know.
the Julio thing does suck... cause i feel so hopeless in this situation i don't know what to do.
pretty much his mom = crazy... and she disconnected his and dre's phone... took away the internet... and oh yeah... we're both car less currently... and even if i was to show up at his home.. his mom would KILL me... cause i'm not exactly in her top choices...
so i don't know what he's doing or how he's doing... and it's not like i can pick up the phone to call him.. i hafta wait around like an idiot for him to call me.. and it sucks so bad.
what makes it like worse... is that im leaving real soon.. and idk if ill even talk to him before i leave.. let alone see him....
maybe this sounds extremely desperate... cause i got the trip to Honduras from a half year to 4 months... (sooo sick) but its all going trwrds that love thing... this sounds so silly.
I think before him... like everything thats happened... and with the exception of scott in highschool... he's the only other person that i've cared this much for.. i mean sure there was jeff and our unexplained romance... and i cared for that boy a whole freaking lot.. but this.. this is different... hes the only other boy besides scott to make me feel so alive. I really can't stand the fact of being away from him for that amount of time.. and it's not like another state far away.. we're talking another continent.
It's funny how we came to be together.. I mean we we're both whoring it out when we met eachother.. so we never really thought nething of it.. just a hook up... but somewhere... everything changed. which brings me to something really uncalled for but its my LJ.. so flippin deal...
having sex with him... is freakin A-mazing. And not just cause its sex.. haha but because it means something... i mean... now ima sound like a slut.. but ive had my share of hookups and what not.. and they were all just gay.. gay gay gay.... going back to the scott thing.. scott was the only person that ever meant anything to me... obviously... i mean we gave our virginty to eachother so yah.. hahah. but after that... neone else i hooked up with... was nothing... which is bad.. cause i used to view sex as this amazing thing to be shared by two people who really cared.... and i forgot about that.. until Julio came along... now it's like this amazing concept... that i only want to share with him.
*sighs* he makes me want to be like 40394032 times better than what i am... I am so head over heels in love with this boy.. it amazes me.
so as you can tell.. not being able to see him, touch him, or even hear him.. is killing me... and of course.. the fact that his mom is crazy.. adds to it.
- finish weirdest heart to heart entry ever -