fabric,flux, feminine fight,and falling
time really fucking flies.
so here we are, early november and here i am, hanging in there. I have designed my thesis collection, sewed muslin/drafts for about half of the collection, and am starting to hate it and i already feel that it is sub-par to what could be inside me if i dug a little deeper. But that is part of what i do, why would you keep designing new things if you were still in love with the old?
my heart is so full of confusion some days here. recently i feel that itch, like a new wave of change is coming and who knows what that will bring. i guess its a mix of excitement and fear, happiness and dread, so much that i just can't put down in words really because i cant even decipher them internally on my own yet. Part of me is in denial of a lot of things that i know are happening but im just not ready to face what im feeling about so much.
it really is strange how these four years have already gotten past me. Life really spins you so quick, and then there you are...at the brink of responsibility and the "real deal"...a life with bills, with decisions about the "future", with jobs, with it all....and i hate getting ahead of myself because it may just be the same, but what ever happened just to being a kid and not caring about anything of anybody....or maybe i always have cared about everyone and everything....but it still is madness to think about.
i can't even write anything down clearly due to the fact that my head is just whirling about with so many thoughts.
i do love when its sunny here though.
i do love fall colored leaves.
i do love my little apartment.
i do love nights out with the girls dancing.
i do love feeling so alive everyday, because mostly i do.
i do love to much to list.
le sigh.