A prime example of my father's unsurpassable wit.... Read it!!
The formatting is slightly messed up but there's nothing I can do because word processors always think they are right and it's insanely annoying
Political Correctness Analysis of Holiday Song "Frosty The Snowman"
(PO2 = "potentially offensive to")
Frosty the Snowman, was a jolly happy soul,
sexist PO2 persons PO2 non-believers
suffering from
depression
With a corncob pipe and a button nose, and two eyes made of coal.
?? !! PO2 persons !!
with small noses
Frosty the Snowman, is a fairytale, they say.
sexist PO2 gay PO2 rumormongers
persons
He was made of snow, but the children know he came to life one day.
sexist sexist PO2 advocates of choice
There must have been some magic in that old silk hat they found,
PO2 religious !!
fundamentalists
For when they placed it on his head, he began to dance around!
sexist sexist
Oh, Frosty, the Snowman, was alive as he could be;
sexist ! sexist
and the children say he could laugh and play, just the same as you and me.
sexist PO2 persons
suffering from
depression
Thumpety thump, thump, thumpety thump, thump,
PO2 persons with artificial limbs
look at Frosty go.
Thumpety thump, thump, thumpety thump, thump,
PO2 persons with artificial limbs
over the hills of snow.
PO2 older persons
Frosty the Snowman, knew the sun was hot that day,
sexist
so he said, "Let's run, and we'll have some fun now, before I melt away."
sexist PO2 persons who use wheelchairs PO2 persons
suffering from
anorexia
Down to the village, with a broomstick in his hand,
!! PO2 wiccans sexist
Running here and there, all around the square, sayin', "Catch me if you can."
He led them down the streets of town, right to the traffic cop;
sexist derogatory term
and only paused a moment, when he heard him holler, "Stop!"
sexist sexist law enforcement officer
behavior stereotype
For Frosty, the Snowman, had to hurry on his way,
sexist sexist
But he waved goodbye, sayin' "Don't cry, I'll be back again some day."
sexist
Inoffensive Version of song:
Frosty The Snowbeing
Frosty the Snowbeing, was a creature who had the good fortune not to suffer
from depression, which is an officially-recognized illness, the victims of
which deserve no blame.
With a corncob (this is not to imply that other vegetables are not equally
nutritious to corn) pipe (for decorative purposes only - no tobacco product
was ever actually ignited therein) and a nose, and two eyes made of
environmentally-friendly low sulfer coal.
Frosty the Snowbeing, is a story out of the past, it is said by those in a
position to know.
Frosty was made of snow, but the children know Frosty came to life one day,
although no one can determine the precise time at which this event occurred.
There must have been some special power, whose origin possibly was from a
source beyond human understanding, in that old silk (produced by free-range
silkworms fed with organic silkworm feed with no artificial growth enhancement
factors or antibiotics added) hat (made by adult garment workers laboring
under non-oppressive conditions, and being paid a fair wage that allows them
to provide for their families) they found,
For when they placed it on Frosty's head, Frosty began to dance around!
Oh, Frosty, the Snowbeing, was alive as Frosty could be, and had been since
the aforementioned inexact moment;
and the children say Frosty could laugh and play, just the same as any person
whose medical condition does not preclude such activities.
noises of movement are heard
look at Frosty go.
noises of movement are heard
beyond the elevated areas of snow.
Frosty the Snowbeing, knew the sun was hot that day,
so Frosty said, "Let's go as quickly as possible using whatever means of
locomotion are available to each of us, and we'll have some fun now, before I
cease to exist due to the physical effect of the sun's radiation on snow.
Down to the minimal social unit required for successful child rearing, Frosty
headed, carrying a sweeping implement,
Running here and there, all around the square, sayin', "Catch me if you can."
Frosty led them down the streets of town, right to the law enforcement officer
performing traffic control duties;
and only paused a moment, when Frosty heard said officer issue a directive to
cease moving temporarily in order to facilitate the flow of traffic.
For Frosty, the Snowbeing, had to hurry on the way that Frosty had to go,
But Frosty waved goodbye, sayin' "Don't cry, I'll be back again some day."
-By Peter Ferrara
Political Correctness Analysis of Holiday Song "Frosty The Snowman"
(PO2 = "potentially offensive to")
Frosty the Snowman, was a jolly happy soul,
sexist PO2 persons PO2 non-believers
suffering from
depression
With a corncob pipe and a button nose, and two eyes made of coal.
?? !! PO2 persons !!
with small noses
Frosty the Snowman, is a fairytale, they say.
sexist PO2 gay PO2 rumormongers
persons
He was made of snow, but the children know he came to life one day.
sexist sexist PO2 advocates of choice
There must have been some magic in that old silk hat they found,
PO2 religious !!
fundamentalists
For when they placed it on his head, he began to dance around!
sexist sexist
Oh, Frosty, the Snowman, was alive as he could be;
sexist ! sexist
and the children say he could laugh and play, just the same as you and me.
sexist PO2 persons
suffering from
depression
Thumpety thump, thump, thumpety thump, thump,
PO2 persons with artificial limbs
look at Frosty go.
Thumpety thump, thump, thumpety thump, thump,
PO2 persons with artificial limbs
over the hills of snow.
PO2 older persons
Frosty the Snowman, knew the sun was hot that day,
sexist
so he said, "Let's run, and we'll have some fun now, before I melt away."
sexist PO2 persons who use wheelchairs PO2 persons
suffering from
anorexia
Down to the village, with a broomstick in his hand,
!! PO2 wiccans sexist
Running here and there, all around the square, sayin', "Catch me if you can."
He led them down the streets of town, right to the traffic cop;
sexist derogatory term
and only paused a moment, when he heard him holler, "Stop!"
sexist sexist law enforcement officer
behavior stereotype
For Frosty, the Snowman, had to hurry on his way,
sexist sexist
But he waved goodbye, sayin' "Don't cry, I'll be back again some day."
sexist
Inoffensive Version of song:
Frosty The Snowbeing
Frosty the Snowbeing, was a creature who had the good fortune not to suffer
from depression, which is an officially-recognized illness, the victims of
which deserve no blame.
With a corncob (this is not to imply that other vegetables are not equally
nutritious to corn) pipe (for decorative purposes only - no tobacco product
was ever actually ignited therein) and a nose, and two eyes made of
environmentally-friendly low sulfer coal.
Frosty the Snowbeing, is a story out of the past, it is said by those in a
position to know.
Frosty was made of snow, but the children know Frosty came to life one day,
although no one can determine the precise time at which this event occurred.
There must have been some special power, whose origin possibly was from a
source beyond human understanding, in that old silk (produced by free-range
silkworms fed with organic silkworm feed with no artificial growth enhancement
factors or antibiotics added) hat (made by adult garment workers laboring
under non-oppressive conditions, and being paid a fair wage that allows them
to provide for their families) they found,
For when they placed it on Frosty's head, Frosty began to dance around!
Oh, Frosty, the Snowbeing, was alive as Frosty could be, and had been since
the aforementioned inexact moment;
and the children say Frosty could laugh and play, just the same as any person
whose medical condition does not preclude such activities.
noises of movement are heard
look at Frosty go.
noises of movement are heard
beyond the elevated areas of snow.
Frosty the Snowbeing, knew the sun was hot that day,
so Frosty said, "Let's go as quickly as possible using whatever means of
locomotion are available to each of us, and we'll have some fun now, before I
cease to exist due to the physical effect of the sun's radiation on snow.
Down to the minimal social unit required for successful child rearing, Frosty
headed, carrying a sweeping implement,
Running here and there, all around the square, sayin', "Catch me if you can."
Frosty led them down the streets of town, right to the law enforcement officer
performing traffic control duties;
and only paused a moment, when Frosty heard said officer issue a directive to
cease moving temporarily in order to facilitate the flow of traffic.
For Frosty, the Snowbeing, had to hurry on the way that Frosty had to go,
But Frosty waved goodbye, sayin' "Don't cry, I'll be back again some day."
-By Peter Ferrara