happy birthday!
imagine walking down oxford street, shopping one day, trying to repeatedly call someone to find out why they have cancelled lunch with you without telling you.
imagine ringing and ringing and ringing and getting no answer and getting their voicemail message every time.
imagine ringing their mum to try and find out if she knows where they are.
imagine reassuring their mum that when you finally get in touch you will be sure to let her know.
imagine when you hear nothing back from the person you were supposed to be having lunch with.
imagine you left one voicemail in a sweet voice and three hours later left another worried voicemail.
imagine feeling empty and not being able to put your finger on the cause.
imagine not hearing back from that person at all and calling and calling and calling til seven o'clock at night.
imagine calling the police so that they can go to the person's house and check that the person's not hurt.
imagine phone calls going backwards and forwards from you to the police and from the police to you.
imagine being asked for your current address and your father and brothers current address.
imagine calling your grandparents and them telling you they are coming over because they know you can't be alone tonight.
imagine anxiously doing the dishes that have waited by the sink for a week.
imagine one knock at the door late at night - your grandparents.
(now imagine a second knock at the door twenty minutes later)
imagine opening that door to find the police standing right in front of you.
imagine the police asking you to take a seat (just like in the movies)
imagine when these men read you the notice that the person you were supposed to have lunch with is dead.
imagine screaming and crying and being held by your grandmother so you don't get out of control.
imagine the feeling inside you when it starts to sink in that the person no longer alive committed suicide.
now imagine that person is your mother.
and imagine having to tell her mum the truth.
and imagine your father and brother were overseas and you couldn't get in touch to tell them for two days.
and imagine that tomorrow would have been your mum's 45th birthday but she didn't have the will to make it that far.
(now can you even begin to imagine how i feel?)
imagine ringing and ringing and ringing and getting no answer and getting their voicemail message every time.
imagine ringing their mum to try and find out if she knows where they are.
imagine reassuring their mum that when you finally get in touch you will be sure to let her know.
imagine when you hear nothing back from the person you were supposed to be having lunch with.
imagine you left one voicemail in a sweet voice and three hours later left another worried voicemail.
imagine feeling empty and not being able to put your finger on the cause.
imagine not hearing back from that person at all and calling and calling and calling til seven o'clock at night.
imagine calling the police so that they can go to the person's house and check that the person's not hurt.
imagine phone calls going backwards and forwards from you to the police and from the police to you.
imagine being asked for your current address and your father and brothers current address.
imagine calling your grandparents and them telling you they are coming over because they know you can't be alone tonight.
imagine anxiously doing the dishes that have waited by the sink for a week.
imagine one knock at the door late at night - your grandparents.
(now imagine a second knock at the door twenty minutes later)
imagine opening that door to find the police standing right in front of you.
imagine the police asking you to take a seat (just like in the movies)
imagine when these men read you the notice that the person you were supposed to have lunch with is dead.
imagine screaming and crying and being held by your grandmother so you don't get out of control.
imagine the feeling inside you when it starts to sink in that the person no longer alive committed suicide.
now imagine that person is your mother.
and imagine having to tell her mum the truth.
and imagine your father and brother were overseas and you couldn't get in touch to tell them for two days.
and imagine that tomorrow would have been your mum's 45th birthday but she didn't have the will to make it that far.
(now can you even begin to imagine how i feel?)