Where to now...
I just took James back to boulder. I know you want to kill me. But I really did it for his grandmother. She's one of the nicest people I've ever meet. So we took Haley to see. her. She's never seen her before. I guess you could call this her last dyeing wish to see her grandchild. I know that she's not been well lately and has cancer. I'm really surprised that she's lived this long after her husband died. I guess I owe her this after all she has helped me out in the past. I think this will put her at ease. Sometimes people wait around to die because they missed something in life. I think this might have been her thing. She really doesn't have much else to live for. she never leave the house, well except to go to the doctor. But what kind of a life is that. I feel better now about the whole thing, it's one less stress in my life. Now James will not be hounding me to do it. Remember I did it for her not him. But you have to give her some credit, she raised the boy.
The last two days before we left all we did was fight. I did find out some pretty interesting things about James. He will always be the same. He was really mad at em the other night when I told him that I don't want to be with him anymore. EVER!! He drinks and meets someone and sleeps with them. And he whinds up doing more drugs. Then he tells me all about it. Like i want to know this. But he tells me how shes so ruff in bed and is very dominating. It was very hard for me to hear that because of all the stuff that I tried to do with him he'd never really try and just put me off. Or he'd put me down. He tells me he was trying to make me a stronger person but he'd always only put me down and never pick me up again. One can only take so much of that before they start to believe it. He still doesn't understand about that either. He just keeps thinking that everything is going to be peachy when it's not. He still asks me who I go with and then tells me if it's some guy that he's going to get really mad and hunt the guy down. I can't even have a conversation with some one of the opposit sex with out him getting mad about it. But it's ok that he sleeps around with married women that are 35 years old.
Not that age should matter, but. So most of the really long trip down there was fighting. It was snowing all the way and we had to stop outside of nowhere because my car was over heating. I'm getting very tired of this happening to my car. We then went on our marry way. Made it to grandma's and had a nice time there. Drove up to denver that night and stayed in a hotel. I could have stayed with me sister. But on that part of the drive things got a little better. He was finally getting the idea though this thick skull that we were not going to ever be together again. Part of it was that he can never be my friend. I can only be his lover. And you really can't have that without friendship. I learned that the hard way. You can have sex with someone and it not mean anything but if your going to be life long lovers you have to have that to start. Other wise it goes nowhere.
I didn't hardly sleep last night because I was worried that Haley would fall od the bed. she just keep rolling around on it. I did put up pillows on the sides. But, I guess I'm just a mother.
Today was nice. Amazing. We got up and drove to boulder. had breakfast and went to see some stores that I really miss here in steamboat. Pearl street was great. Though I spent a lot of money that I didn't need to. But sometimes you just have to buy stuff. Though Haley did get a new swimsiut. So we can go to the pool this summer. I droped him off. I'll have to finish this later Haley driving me nuts. Some peoples shildren.
The last two days before we left all we did was fight. I did find out some pretty interesting things about James. He will always be the same. He was really mad at em the other night when I told him that I don't want to be with him anymore. EVER!! He drinks and meets someone and sleeps with them. And he whinds up doing more drugs. Then he tells me all about it. Like i want to know this. But he tells me how shes so ruff in bed and is very dominating. It was very hard for me to hear that because of all the stuff that I tried to do with him he'd never really try and just put me off. Or he'd put me down. He tells me he was trying to make me a stronger person but he'd always only put me down and never pick me up again. One can only take so much of that before they start to believe it. He still doesn't understand about that either. He just keeps thinking that everything is going to be peachy when it's not. He still asks me who I go with and then tells me if it's some guy that he's going to get really mad and hunt the guy down. I can't even have a conversation with some one of the opposit sex with out him getting mad about it. But it's ok that he sleeps around with married women that are 35 years old.
Not that age should matter, but. So most of the really long trip down there was fighting. It was snowing all the way and we had to stop outside of nowhere because my car was over heating. I'm getting very tired of this happening to my car. We then went on our marry way. Made it to grandma's and had a nice time there. Drove up to denver that night and stayed in a hotel. I could have stayed with me sister. But on that part of the drive things got a little better. He was finally getting the idea though this thick skull that we were not going to ever be together again. Part of it was that he can never be my friend. I can only be his lover. And you really can't have that without friendship. I learned that the hard way. You can have sex with someone and it not mean anything but if your going to be life long lovers you have to have that to start. Other wise it goes nowhere.
I didn't hardly sleep last night because I was worried that Haley would fall od the bed. she just keep rolling around on it. I did put up pillows on the sides. But, I guess I'm just a mother.
Today was nice. Amazing. We got up and drove to boulder. had breakfast and went to see some stores that I really miss here in steamboat. Pearl street was great. Though I spent a lot of money that I didn't need to. But sometimes you just have to buy stuff. Though Haley did get a new swimsiut. So we can go to the pool this summer. I droped him off. I'll have to finish this later Haley driving me nuts. Some peoples shildren.