(no subject)
So I have spent a lot of time by myelf lately, which has given me the chance to think about a lot of things. It sucks when you go back and look at things that you have done that you can't fix. In the past 6 months,
I have screwed up one friendship beyond repair, and now apparently 2. I know exactly what I did with the first one. I can't completely justify my actions. I don't necessarily regret what I did/said, but I wish that I would have handled it better. And I don't necessarily want to be their friend again, especially due to recent events. All I'm saying is that I could have handled it better, and that I wish I would have and not gone so ape shit over the whole thing, which was blown out of proportion anyway. The other one, I have absolutely no freaking idea what I did, and odds are, I never will. I don't think that I'm a bad person, although others could argue that. I have my moments, believe me, I know that. But apparently I can't be that good of a friend/person or I wouldn't piss people off all the time and make them not want to ever talk to me again. This is not aimed toward a certain person, so don't think that it is. There comes a point in your life where you need friends, you need someone to talk to, to help you through things, or just to have a good time with. If I hadn't fixed what I did back in the summer, I don't know where I would be right now.
I have gotten a lot closer to my mom, and my family in general. I love my family, as dysfunctional as it may be. I regret EVERYTHING that I ever did to my mom and everything that I made her go through. I am slowly realizing that my dad is a different story. I always thought that he was so much different from my mom, as in he didn't blow up at stupid stuff, but now I have a completely different view. It's like he doesn't trust me anymore. He tells me to not stay out too late at night like I'm in middle school all over again. Now is not the right time for him to step in and tell me how to live my life. He missed that boat a few years ago.
I have grown up a lot, I think. And I say that in an online journal, but you know what I mean. Living away from home makes you grow up, well makes most of us grow up. I'm not dependent on my mom for hardly anything anymore, and it's kinda nice. I have learned how to handle a lot of things on my own since I have lived downtown.
I have met a lot of new people through school and guard and such. I think that guard was an amazing experience for me. I wish that I was doing winterguard, but I also think that I needed a little break from it all. It gave me a taste of that "real college experience" that people always talk about. I can't wait for next fall to get to do it all over again.
Those are just the major things that I feel like rehashing at the moment. And please, save your "you are a good person" speeches. That's what people feel obligated to say when someone writes an entry like this one.
I have screwed up one friendship beyond repair, and now apparently 2. I know exactly what I did with the first one. I can't completely justify my actions. I don't necessarily regret what I did/said, but I wish that I would have handled it better. And I don't necessarily want to be their friend again, especially due to recent events. All I'm saying is that I could have handled it better, and that I wish I would have and not gone so ape shit over the whole thing, which was blown out of proportion anyway. The other one, I have absolutely no freaking idea what I did, and odds are, I never will. I don't think that I'm a bad person, although others could argue that. I have my moments, believe me, I know that. But apparently I can't be that good of a friend/person or I wouldn't piss people off all the time and make them not want to ever talk to me again. This is not aimed toward a certain person, so don't think that it is. There comes a point in your life where you need friends, you need someone to talk to, to help you through things, or just to have a good time with. If I hadn't fixed what I did back in the summer, I don't know where I would be right now.
I have gotten a lot closer to my mom, and my family in general. I love my family, as dysfunctional as it may be. I regret EVERYTHING that I ever did to my mom and everything that I made her go through. I am slowly realizing that my dad is a different story. I always thought that he was so much different from my mom, as in he didn't blow up at stupid stuff, but now I have a completely different view. It's like he doesn't trust me anymore. He tells me to not stay out too late at night like I'm in middle school all over again. Now is not the right time for him to step in and tell me how to live my life. He missed that boat a few years ago.
I have grown up a lot, I think. And I say that in an online journal, but you know what I mean. Living away from home makes you grow up, well makes most of us grow up. I'm not dependent on my mom for hardly anything anymore, and it's kinda nice. I have learned how to handle a lot of things on my own since I have lived downtown.
I have met a lot of new people through school and guard and such. I think that guard was an amazing experience for me. I wish that I was doing winterguard, but I also think that I needed a little break from it all. It gave me a taste of that "real college experience" that people always talk about. I can't wait for next fall to get to do it all over again.
Those are just the major things that I feel like rehashing at the moment. And please, save your "you are a good person" speeches. That's what people feel obligated to say when someone writes an entry like this one.